Bad Sex
Bad Sex – whoa, have I had my share of bad sex! My first two years of college was just one big bout of bad sex. They were bad …. I was bad … the whole thing was just fumbling and awkward. There are a ton of guys out there who would think I am the last person who should be involved in a sex site.
First, my ineptitude. Often alcohol was involved — I was scared of sex and needed to be drunk in order to feel relaxed to even contemplate having intercourse. I was also incredibly self-conscious about my body. I was barely comfortable being naked by myself, not to mention with another person. And to top it all off, I didn’t masturbate at the time so I was not familiar with my sexual responses or what felt good to me.
When I did have sex, I concentrated on him – making sure he seemed to have a good time. But I wasn’t present so even though I was focused on him, I wasn’t able to sense what he needed or wanted from me. I had problems getting into the rhythm, would switch positions are weird times, and didn’t know what to do with my legs. Eek. I’m getting embarrassed just thinking about it.
Now, his ineptitude – it’s pretty basic … the jackhammer. The jackhammer that goes on, and on and on, our vagina’s get numb. I, like many women, thought, “is this what sex is about?” if so, I don’t need it.
Luckily things changed. I found my clitoris, started masturbating, and was with a few guys who were interested in my needs.
I’m older now and still encounter bad sex. Like the women in the video, if I’m in a position that doesn’t feel good, I will certainly try to maneuver out of it. Or, if something is being done to be that I don’t like, I will just start doing something to him so he stops. But unlike Katie in the video, who will direct them during the session, I will just say things like “Ouch” or “Slower” or even “You can come at any time” (heh).
It’s interesting, those first few times you’re with someone, because it is a window into how sexually compatible you are. Hopefully it’s amazing and hot right away!! But if not, through communication and honesty – if they’re worth the time – a level of sexual fulfillment can certainly be attained.
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2 Comments
I met this great man- but!.. his penis size is not much bigger than a marker and takes effort to get hard too which is a turnoff for me, and he also loses his erection easy when its obvious he is not pleasing me, but he has no rythm - he cannot dance either - ive tried to lead him to feel rythm and learn to move his hips and to slowly more rythmically move during sex but he just doesnt get it. His past 4 yr relationship never gave her orgasm and he is now 38…is there any hope and how, where do I lead him to get help to understand the sensual, rythmical side to sex, as I want to marry this guy but he is so defensive and inexperienced and just doesnt get what ive tried to show and teach for some insane reason i dont know what else to do..what am i missing here…ive never encountered such ineptitude before- and ive had lots of encounters - and yet I love him.. we are engaged to be married…please help..im 41 and he is 38. He doesnt know how to kis either - its like he is missing the whole sensuality awareness of connection and how to even what ‘connection’ is. He has had many years of internet exposing masturbation - all one sided stuff and now he seem unable to understand how to connect live with giving and receiving feedback and he is sensitive to talking about it so how, please how do I help him understand and learn - he says he wants to improve and is doing everything he can..but its like he is blind to understanding this..
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Lizzy — firstly, you have to be commended for wanting to work with him, and help the situation, as opposed to disregarding the relationship because it lacks in the bedroom. Kudos! Your situation is tough — and honestly, I think it might be best to consult with a licensed sex-therapist. He may have some deep seeded issues preventing his sensuality to come out … and, someone trained in working with couples (and individuals) on their sex lives and sexuality would have the best advice on steps to take to create a shared sexual dialog. For the time being though, I would certainly recommend one of my favorite non-intercourse activities — masturbating with your hand or vibrator, while he kisses, strokes and massages your body. Hopefully he’ll be comfortable with it — sharing the activity of you pleasuring yourself. And he will see how you need to be attend to in order to become fulfilled.
Good luck! Please let us know what ensues …
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