The World Cup in South Africa ended Sunday, in a 120-minute final match between the Netherlands and Spain.

During those 120-minutes, statistics show that 422 South African women would have been raped.

Which is why Dr. Sonnet Ehlers was inspired to test out her anti-rape device, called Rape-aXe, in her home country as it hosted the 2010 World Cup.

Rape-aXe is essentially a female condom with hooks inside. A woman can insert the device with an applicator similar to that of a tampon. Should she be raped, the hooks attach to the rapist’s penis, just in the skin, not deep enough to draw blood.

Impossible to dislodge, the device will need to be removed by a doctor, resulting in the rapist’s inevitable arrest.

Dr. Ehlers, was inspired to create the device 40 years ago by a rape victim who she recalls saying “If only I had teeth down there,” she told CNN last month.

But can the age-old myth of the vagina dentata really stop sexual assault?

In my mind, there are two major barriers to the full-blown success of something like the Rape-aXe. First of all, a man who is already violent enough to rape is not going to be pleased to find his penis has been ensnared by a female-condom-turned-bear-trap. He is likely to react even more violently, potentially hurting the woman wearing the Rape-aXe even more brutally.

Secondly, this puts further responsibility and blame on women to not “let themselves get raped” as it were. To me, it feels like the same awful victim blaming we hear all the time – she was dressed provocatively, she shouldn’t have been out so late, she was asking for it. A woman has to be constantly expecting to be raped to feel she needs the Rape-aXe, a state of psychological trauma that I would not wish upon anyone.

“It doesn’t address ways that we can be preventing men from raping; it just has women anticipate it,” writes Feministing. Others have called it a type of enslavement.

Ehlers addressed these concerns in an interview with Radio Netherlands, saying the men are violent already. Rape-aXe won’t make them more violent; it will hold them accountable and possibly even dissuade them from violence, she says, because they need a doctor to remove the device.

“Because he’s tagged, he cannot remove it, he’s got to go to a hospital, and then he’s identified. So now at least he’ll be up for rape, and not for murder and rape,” she said.

And, according to Jezebel, perceiving this as a victim-blaming tool is a luxury of the western world. Ehlers is taking drastic measures because South American women have already tried drastic measures, some even inserting razor blades wrapped in sponges into their vaginas, reports CNN. The biggest issue is stopping rape by any means possible in a country this torn by it.

Because rape is ravaging South Africa. The country has the highest rate of rape in the world. Estimates from a 2006 study by Interpol, the international policy agency, found that a woman is raped every 17 seconds in South Africa. According to Human Rights Watch, 28% of South African men have raped a woman or girl and one in 20 have done so in the past year. Amnesty International reports that only about 8% of rape cases are brought to court.

So how are they working out? Well, therein lies another problem. Dr. Ehlers’ grand plans to distribute 30,000 free condoms in South Africa during the World Cup have fallen more than a little short.

Mother Jones caught up with Dr. Ehlers at the end of June and asked the tough questions. The doctor revealed she had only raised $120, not enough to distribute even a single condom. (Which brings to mind another question – at about $2 a pop, will the women at the highest risk for rape around the world be able to afford Rape-aXe? Are they reusable? How many would a woman need in a year? That cost will add up.)

While Rape-aXe got a considerable amount of buzz and coverage by international media, no one reported on the fact that she was only going to distribute the 30,000 condoms if she got enough donations. So far, no one has been exactly banging down her door.

It’s undoubtedly not the solution in the U.S., but in a country so torn by violence and rape, this might just work. That is, if it ever makes it out the door.

I don’t know about you, but I have had some boyfriends/partners with whom after sex I wanted to shower right away and get their smell off of me … and others where I was happy to wait until morning. I love the natural smell, both clean and dirty, of certain guys.  Other guys however, I find smell slightly funky.

It’s weird, I rarely think of a guy’s smell except when intimate (unless they are wearing cologne, and then I can’t help but think of it). And one would assume that a clean smell, regardless of who it is, would always be tolerable. Not so. Some people, even clean, have unattractive smells to other people. However, it is not a quantifiable good smell vs bad smell. Some guys who smell great to me, actually smell repellent to others. And visa versa.

As it turns out, there’s a reason for this – genes.

Our body-odor is “an external manifestation of the genes of our immune system.” Our immune system determines what diseases we can defend against, and what diseases are recessive within our make-up. It’s preferable to mate with someone who has an immune system least like ours so there’s both a greater range of diseases our kids will systemically defend against, and less recessive disease genes that can double up. Here’s a great article about it: The Scent of Sex

Hence, the men whose smell we are attracted to actually have immune systems least like ours. They are the ones that, biologically speaking, would be our preferred sires (I love using that term!). Crazy, huh!?!?!

There have been a number of experiments that prove this. Results even indicate that a man’s scent tends to be the most important feature determining whether a woman will find him sexually attractive. Does this mean us women are all programmed to mate above all else? Eeeek!

Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that while dating we will all encounter men who smell good to us, and others who don’t. We may even keep dating the unattractive-smellers because we like other things about them. However, now that I know his smell is significant, looking back, I’m not surprised that the guys in which I wanted to shower right away after being with are the guys that never worked out in the long run.

Check out this video on smell and sex: Dirty Sexy Smells

Every couple gets into a sexual rut now and then. It could be short lived – after a few sessions the sex feels boring and the couple shakes it up. Or, it could last a long, long time. Ever hear of the seven-year itch? Well, it’s more like a three-year itch for relationships and even less for sex. And considering how many headlines your see on women’s publications declaring suggestions for “Spicing Up Your Sex Life,” it would seem many people are in need of a boost.

Good sex takes work. It’s easy to get comfortable with a specific sexual routine because it’s relatively effortless. And humans are built to get used to things. In order to change the routine, one must usually make a conscious effort and be willing to experiment.

There are a number of ways out of a sexual rut. The key is that both parties are comfortable with the ideas and interested in trying them out. They include: new positions; introducing sex toys, using creams, oils, foods; new locations; and role play (involving props or not). There are also sex games available online and stores – and a huge realm of activities that fall under the category of “kink.”

Most important though, is to talk with your partner and acknowledge the situation (we know, communication blah blah blah, but it is SO important). And yeah, it sucks if one is bored while the other is content – but hopefully the contented party will want to help the other get excited and involved again since it will result in better sex (and, of course, because they care about their feelings).

A great way to find activities/elements to kick-start out of that rut is to tell each other the things you really like. Talk about the activities you’ve thought about doing in bed, the things you’ve done but want more of, and what you fantasize about. In most cases, a number of ideas will overlap – and hence worth trying or doing again.

So, if you find yourself in a rut, think of it as a good thing! It is the natural way to keep that libido bubbling!

And check out this link: Sex Ruts by Chantelle Austin it is a great six part series on ruts!

For videos on this issue:

Help With Boring Sex

Tips and Tricks for Better Sex

Today’s video is about condoms coming off during sex – whether it’s when thrusting or pulling out — and how best to handle it. The women tell their stories, and talk about how scary it is.

If it ever happens to you, what you should do is go to the bathroom, get in the tub, squat and try to pee. If it does not come out, stick your finger in your vagina, just a tiny way in and see if you can feel the condom. If you do, use two finger to clasp it and pull it out.

Be careful though – you don’t want to put your finger in too far, you may accidentally push the condom farther up. 
If you can’t get it out on your own, you will need to go to the doctor. But don’t be embarrassed! It happens often and doctors are totally used to dealing with condoms, and other objects, stuck in vaginas.

Here’s a great link for more stories and information.
Teen Expert - Lost Condom

And to watch this video:
Missing In Action Condoms

Little Cherry,

I recently got tested for STDs, but my doctor said I was unable to get checked for HPV (apparently since I’m a guy.) I’ve been kind of worried about it since I heard you can have HPV without symptoms. Is there anything else I can do to find out if I have it? Also, is there anything that my girlfriend can do to help protect herself? We’re both pretty concerned.

-Steve

Steve,

Thanks for your question. I’m really glad to see that you’re looking out for your sexual health. Unfortunately, there are no FDA-approved methods of testing for HPV in men. In fact, there are no general “HPV status” tests available for anyone (although a woman’s Pap can detect abnormal cells which may be run for HPV.) Some men become aware of having HPV due to a development of bumps around the genital area, including the thighs, scrotum, and penis. [If you would show any signs of infection, make sure to see your doctor for an evaluation, ASAP.] Yet, other men show no symptoms at all. In order to help reduce your risks of contracting HPV, you may want to wear condoms or refrain from sexual activity. In the event you are already infected with HPV, your body will most likely fight off the infection within a year or two. In fact, the CDC estimates that about 90% of both low and high-risk infections can clear up within this time frame.  (Still, be aware that you may pass it on to others!)

In regards to your girlfriend, HPV can pose some serious risks for women, including cervical cancer. One thing she should definitely do is get her periodic Pap tests done. (Some clinicians want patients to come in yearly, provided the results consistently come back within normal limits… Others prefer every other year.  Your girlfriend should consult with her health care provider to come up with a time line that fits her needs.) Another option might be the Guardasil vaccine, which can help prevent against four types of HPV responsible for most of the cervical cancers and genital warts. If she’s interested, have her talk to her health care provider for more information.

And here’s a great video on STD testing. It talks about HPV briefly, but also provides great information on testing for other sexually transmitted diseases: STD Testing

Hope this helps.

Keep asking questions,
Little Cherry

Little Cherry,

My girlfriend and I have been having some major relationship problems lately… Well, I guess most of the problems are actually mine. This is my first lesbian relationship… Although I’m crazy about my partner, I freeze up in bed and can’t become aroused. (This seems to be a combo of mental and physical problems.) I was wondering if there was some type of female Viagra out there that could help fix my arousal problem.

-Med-Head

Dear Med Head,

Nope, no female Viagra… At least not yet. Though many pharmaceutical meetings have been held to promote a future ‘Pink Viagra,’ clinical studies have nevertheless proven that Sildenafil (a.k.a. Viagra) has no significant effect on female sexual arousal disorder for most women. How could this be? As you may know, some major differences generally exist between male and female sexual responses. For instance, research suggests that while men’s excitement seems to correlate with penile engorgement, women’s desire does not necessarily match up with their physiological excitement. Therefore, your arousal issue may have nothing to do with your blood flow ‘down there.’ [You really should be checked out by a physician to rule this out, though. It’s a critical first step in treating any sexual dysfunction!]

So, what’s a girl to do? Some doctors believe that the vast majority of women can relieve their sexual problems through education about female sexuality and sexual response. Unfortunately, many people’s sexual education only comes from high school sex-ed, which (if you had a program like mine) somehow finds a way to mysteriously omit the clit from female anatomical diagrams. For this reason, it may be beneficial for you to seek out other sources of information, whether through books, articles, forums, conversations, websites, counselors, doctors- you name it! [Might I recommend our video ‘Do I have a Disorder?’] Just make sure to use your best judgment in regards to the quality of info you’re getting throughout your search.

One more thought: do you think you may be having anxiety or confusion due to being in your first lesbian relationship? If so, this can certainly play a role in your arousal problems. Because we live in a society which constantly bombards us with images of ‘proper’ sexuality (i.e. guy/girl; same race; unrealistic bodies; blah, blah, blah), it’s easy to feel shame and guilt about deviating from the supposed norm. Talking your feelings out with your partner or another confidante might be helpful. A sex counselor or therapist could also have some useful suggestions for you, if you decide to take that route.

Best of luck (and keep asking questions),
Little Cherry

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

Little Cherry,

I have been sexually active for a few years and am interested in taking birth control. (Don’t worry, I already get tested for STDs!) I did some research online about cervical caps and diaphragms, but I still can’t tell them apart. Can you please tell me what the difference is and why people use them.

-Confused

Dear Confused,

Great questions! In a lot of ways, diaphragms and cervical caps are very similar. Both are prescription forms of birth control, which function as barrier methods- meaning that they block the sperm from entering into the uterus, thus preventing pregnancy. (They do so by covering the cervix.) They also require the use of spermicide, which helps to kill off the sperm. If taken care of properly, cervical caps and diaphragms can both last for a couple of years. Nevertheless, there are a few key differences.

Differences between cervical caps and diaphragms include:

· Cervical caps come in only a few set sizes, which unfortunately do not cater to all women’s shapes. Diaphragms, on the other hand, are specifically fit to each body by a doctor.

· The diaphragm covers not only the cervix, but also some of the area around the cervix. By covering more surface area, it may help to protect against some STDs. (*Even so, you still need to use a latex condom with either one of these methods in order to prevent STD transmission!)

· Cervical caps and diaphragms must be kept in prior to and post sex for different amounts of time. Ask your doctor for more specific details.

When picking out your birth control, I’ve got a bit of advice to keep in mind: birth control is not only a product, but also a method. I stress this because if it doesn’t fit into your lifestyle, it’s very easy to take the product incorrectly (resulting in a drop in the effectiveness rate.) As I’ve already mentioned, both forms of birth control require you to prepare for sex ahead of time. Do you need something spur of the moment? Also, are you comfortable feeling around for your cervix and inserting the birth control? This is certainly not to discourage you from using the diaphragm or cervical cap. They can both be really great options, especially for those unable to use hormonal methods. Since you are interested in learning more, I would definitely recommend speaking to your health care provider about any birth control questions or concerns. Also, check out our episode entitled ‘Barrier Birth Control’ for more advice. Hopefully, you’ll find a method that’s a ‘great fit.’

Ask questions!,
Little Cherry

Have your own question? Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

Ah, Period Sex.

I have to say, I’m a pretty new member of the Period Sex Fanclub. As such, my reasons for resistance are still pretty fresh in the skull. I will now list those reasons, and tell you how and why they were so, SO wrong.

I thought having sex on my period was icky.

That’s right, I was that girl. I thought sex on my period was icky. And then… I came to my senses. Icky? ICKY? Ok, logic time. Sex is kind of icky, but in a super awesome, super hot way….and sure, periods are kind of icky….but I like sex but not my period? They’re both things that my body does, and does naturally. Why shouldn’t I combine them? Am I ASHAMED of my period? I let dudes do me in the butt (and, um….that’s where poop comes from) so why shouldn’t I let them do me on my period? Not because it’s icky, surely. As the man I lost my period-stained virginity to so eloquently put it…“It’s just more lube.” Amen to that.

If, however, you’re still a little freaked out by the mess, here are a few tricks to put your mind at ease.

* Put down a towel. For those who squirt, you know the drill. It’s a good idea to pull out some towels when you start your period that month  and have them handy, just so you don’t have to go rummaging in your linen closet when the mood strikes. You don’t have to sacrifice spontaneity for clean sheets.

*Do it in the shower! It’s a great way to ease yourself in.

*When you’re in the throes, stick to slow moves and variations on the missionary position. Remember your high school Physics class? Gravity and Inertia. If you’re freaked out by the mess, now might not be a good time to get on top and hump away.

Aside from thinking that sex on my period would be in icky mess, I thought to myself- “Ugh. I may be horny, but I also feel like I’m being beaten in the uterus with a sledgehammer. All I want to do is curl up in a little ball and watch reruns of the Golden Girls.” Sex just didn’t seem like it would be a good idea. Oh, how wrong I was.

*Having sex, and especially having an orgasm, can actually HELP with your cramps. It’s a lot better for you, and WAY more satisfying, then taking a Midol.

*Not to mention, having and orgasm will actually LESSEN the length of your period. The contractions of your PC muscles during orgasm help your uterus expel it’s goodies much faster than it would on its lonesome. Help a sister out.

*Many of us are actually our randiest during the red season. Not only that, we’re actually at our most SENSITIVE. Ever since I started having Period Sex, my orgasms have been unFREAKINGbeleivable. If that’s not an impetus to try it, I just don’t know what is.

For me, and for a lot of other young women, one of the main reasons that Period Sex is off-putting is that we’re afraid our partner will be grossed out by it. After all, for many of us, periods were a huge source of stress and embarrassment during our teenage years, and those scars don’t heal quickly. I remember one of my friends got her period for the first time during English class and ran out of the classroom. Everybody watched as the school nurse came in and cleaned up the mess she left on her chair. Eep. No wonder we want to hide our periods. But with the right person, sex on your period is neither gross nor embarrassing, but intimate and liberating. It took a real commitment for me to try it for the first time, and it was my BOYFRIEND who talked ME into it! More often than not, it’s not our partners who are grossed out by our periods, it’s us.

*Don’t be afraid to broach that subject. While some men are uncomfortable with Period Sex, most are VERY open to it. Nearly all of the men I’ve dated have been. However, if you or your partner are NOT comfortable with the idea of Period Sex, don’t push it. Like with all aspects of sex, to each his or her own.

*If it IS right for the both of you, take it slow, take it easy, and enjoy it. Sex during such an intimate and vulnerable time for your body can really bring you closer together.

*P.S. Don’t listen when someone tells you not to use protection during your period. Because sperm can live up in ya for for a few days, and because sometimes our cycles are so wonky that we can even OVULATE DURING our periods, it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant when you have period sex. So be safe! As an added bonus, using a diaphragm is another great way to keep the mess to a minimum.

Remember, ye who doubt the greatness of Period Sex. I was once among you, and now…now I’m having fabulous sex on my period. My shorter, lighter, less cramped, orgasm-enhancing period. It’s natural. It’s groovy, and it feels fantastic. It’s time to join the revolution, ladies.

Videos on this topic: Period Sex — Go With the Flow Part 1, Part 2, Period Sex Yay or Nay

As we know, sex is an awesome, yet sometimes overwhelming topic.  On Cherry TV, we try to address as many female-oriented intimacy issues as possible – but unfortunately we’ll never be able to provide answers and insight into everything.  However, if you have a specific question you are curious about, let us know!  We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.
Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!).  Keep in mind the focus of Cherry TV is women, and inquiries/topics from women will always take priority.

With that said, let’s go to our first question….

Little Cherry,

My boyfriend and I have recently been experimenting with having sex in public. This can range anywhere from being in the back of my car to being on a park bench. Not only do we like the fresh air, but we also get really aroused from the prospect of being caught. However, we don’t actually want to be discovered by the police, of course! I try to always wear big billowy skirts and keep a look-out, but lately I’ve been feeling extremely nervous. I was wondering if you could tell me what kind of legal risks are involved when we’re doing it outside. Thanks.

-Show and Don’t Tell

Dear Show and Don’t Tell,

Generally speaking, indecent exposure means showing your genitals (and/or “private parts,” which may include breasts and butt) in a place where viewers are expected. Indecent exposure is usually charged as a misdemeanor offense. However, under certain circumstances, such as being in the presence of a minor, the charge can certainly be aggravated. (This might even mean having to register as a sex offender, which can affect your ability to enter into employment or higher education.) The laws vary by state, so without knowing your location, I could only recommend to do some of your own research on the legal repercussions in your particular area. You should also keep in mind that public sex can be considered as disturbing the peace, which can bring about additional consequences.

An online survey in 2006 showed that about 22% of men and women have had sex in some sort of public venue. As you’ve described, the ‘thrill factor’ does seem to play a strong role in many people’s motivation. However, if you and your boyfriend can only become aroused in the presence of others, your behavior might be leaning towards paraphilia. In other words, you repeatedly become intensely aroused from something deemed socially unconventional or deviant. If this is the case, you should consider speaking with a trained professional, such as a therapist or counselor, for some psychological and emotional guidance.

With all this being said, you may still decide it’s worth it. (Many people do!) I would recommend sharing this information with your boyfriend, as well. That way, the two of you can hopefully decide upon something that makes you both feel comfortable.

Take care,
Little Cherry

Have your own question? Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!).

We’ve all seen them in TV shows and movies… the women who can orgasm as soon as they begin having intercourse. And did I mention multiple times? For three minutes straight, each? Hollywood certainly sets the bar high when it comes to women’s orgasmic capabilities, especially during intercourse. Yet, as Meg Ryan’s character so brilliantly illustrates in When Harry Met Sally, orgasms can be faker than a Hollywood bod. Back here in the real world, the majority of women (60-70%) need more than intercourse alone to hit the ‘Big O.’  The reason why is that it seldom provides the clitoral stimulation necessary for most women to be able to orgasm. This doesn’t mean that intercourse is pointless for women, though. By experimenting with techniques and positions, you may actually find it to be an excellent means for attaining pleasure and orgasm. So, go ahead and show Hollywood how a real woman gets the job done!

Tips for Increased Clitoral Stimulation during Intercourse:

(1) The Hands-On Approach: There is nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands! Use your fingers (or a sex toy, such as a vibrating massager) to stimulate your clit while you’re having intercourse. (In doing so, you’ll find that some positions are more conducive than others. Try doggy-style and side-to-side for easy access. These will also allow your partner to stimulate your clit.)

(2) Coital Alignment Technique (CAT): Written down, this position may look too complicated to attempt. However, many people are giving CAT rave reviews for clitoral stimulation. Lie flat on your back with your partner laying parallel on top of you, resting his/her weight to either side of your body. You may want to wrap your legs around your partners’, resting your feet near the shins. (For a heterosexual couple with woman-on-bottom), your partner should then move about 2-4 inches higher up on your body than he normally would in missionary. Your bodies should rock back-and-forth against one another, rubbing the base of his penis gently against your clit. This can easily be followed by missionary position, if so desired. It can also be performed with either partner on top.

(3) Pillow Propping: This move is similar to CAT in that it will allow the base of the penis to rub up against the clit. (This might not look as thrilling on paper, but simplicity is so under-rated.) Step 1 of 1: lay a few fluffy pillows under your butt/hips during missionary. That’s it! Many women have reported that this arrangement provides greater clitoral stimulation as well as deeper penetration.

Though these techniques mainly revolve around modifications of missionary, there are countless other positions which may bring you greater pleasure during intercourse. It all depends on what personally gets you going. Ask yourself these questions: Do I prefer vaginal penetration? Anal penetration? Deep penetration? None? Do I like hard pressure? Soft pressure? A combination of both? Do fantasies help? How about meditation? Masturbation may be an effective way to figure out your likes and dislikes, in turn helping you discover what you need during intercourse. Keep in mind, though, that it’s not crucial to love intercourse or even have it, at all! There’s no need to cue Kumbaya… Happy and fulfilling sex lives do truly come in all shapes and forms.

To find out more about orgasm during intercourse, check out the following video:

Intercourse and the O