My partner looks very young for his age by no fault of his own. He has a clean-shaven baby’s face and it doesn’t help that he’s short. He always gets carded when we go out, he has been mistaken for a peer at a ten year-olds birthday party and in the funniest of stories, upon jumping into  the back of a taxi late one night, a concerned cab driver asked him “Where is your mommy?” I love my partner’s physically characteristics: his jet-black hair against his alabaster skin, his muscular legs and of course his motley colored eyes; just not his childlike appearance.

Once in an attempt to mix things up, he shaved off all is pubic hair. When asked what I thought, I replied that I felt like a cradle robber. His response was an infant like “Goo!”

It did make sex different; there was less hair to get in the way during fellatio and my partner and I engaged in role playing scenarios that involved me being with a stranger.

Little Cherry,

My girlfriend and I have been having some major relationship problems lately… Well, I guess most of the problems are actually mine. This is my first lesbian relationship… Although I’m crazy about my partner, I freeze up in bed and can’t become aroused. (This seems to be a combo of mental and physical problems.) I was wondering if there was some type of female Viagra out there that could help fix my arousal problem.

-Med-Head

Dear Med Head,

Nope, no female Viagra… At least not yet. Though many pharmaceutical meetings have been held to promote a future ‘Pink Viagra,’ clinical studies have nevertheless proven that Sildenafil (a.k.a. Viagra) has no significant effect on female sexual arousal disorder for most women. How could this be? As you may know, some major differences generally exist between male and female sexual responses. For instance, research suggests that while men’s excitement seems to correlate with penile engorgement, women’s desire does not necessarily match up with their physiological excitement. Therefore, your arousal issue may have nothing to do with your blood flow ‘down there.’ [You really should be checked out by a physician to rule this out, though. It’s a critical first step in treating any sexual dysfunction!]

So, what’s a girl to do? Some doctors believe that the vast majority of women can relieve their sexual problems through education about female sexuality and sexual response. Unfortunately, many people’s sexual education only comes from high school sex-ed, which (if you had a program like mine) somehow finds a way to mysteriously omit the clit from female anatomical diagrams. For this reason, it may be beneficial for you to seek out other sources of information, whether through books, articles, forums, conversations, websites, counselors, doctors- you name it! [Might I recommend our video ‘Do I have a Disorder?’] Just make sure to use your best judgment in regards to the quality of info you’re getting throughout your search.

One more thought: do you think you may be having anxiety or confusion due to being in your first lesbian relationship? If so, this can certainly play a role in your arousal problems. Because we live in a society which constantly bombards us with images of ‘proper’ sexuality (i.e. guy/girl; same race; unrealistic bodies; blah, blah, blah), it’s easy to feel shame and guilt about deviating from the supposed norm. Talking your feelings out with your partner or another confidante might be helpful. A sex counselor or therapist could also have some useful suggestions for you, if you decide to take that route.

Best of luck (and keep asking questions),
Little Cherry

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

As we know, sex is an awesome, yet sometimes overwhelming topic.  On Cherry TV, we try to address as many female-oriented intimacy issues as possible – but unfortunately we’ll never be able to provide answers and insight into everything.  However, if you have a specific question you are curious about, let us know!  We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.
Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!).  Keep in mind the focus of Cherry TV is women, and inquiries/topics from women will always take priority.

Little Cherry,

Lately I have been hearing a lot about the importance of penis girth. What’s with that? Excuse me if I’m wrong, but didn’t it used to be all about the length? Nowadays, most women despise thin erections- apparently because they don’t provide the stimulation and full feeling they seem to crave. This doesn’t make any sense to me, though.

What is a guy with a thinner than average penis to do???

-Thin’s Not In?

Dear Thin’s Not In?,

Let me give you the scoop on penis length/girth.  As you might know, most of the nerve endings are concentrated in the outer 1/3 of the vagina (closest to the opening.)  That’s why a lot of people say that the length of the penis doesn’t actually make much of a difference.  Though I have heard some women say they prefer girth to length, I have also heard the opposite. There’s a wide variety of preferences. I don’t know much about your situation, but I would definitely advise you to consider whether your troubles might merely be imagined on your end. After all, men (like women) are constantly bombarded with images of ideal body types that only a small proportion of the population actually have. There could certainly be some body dysmorphic disorder going on (which, to put it simply, means that you are getting anxious and preoccupied with your perceived physical flaw.) If you can’t seem to shake the negative feelings, please consider talking to a professional.

Also, if a partner has told you your girth is an issue, keep this in mind:  only about 4 in 10 women can orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. If your partner can’t achieve orgasm strictly from intercourse, this may have more to do with a lack of clitoral stimulation than your girth. (She might not be aware of this herself… Or, who knows, maybe she is. The following advice assumes you haven’t ditched her for being perhaps a bit too demanding and judgmental.) If she’s having troubles, you could always try putting more focus on foreplay.  (Check out our episode “The Importance of Foreplay.”) By taking your time getting ‘warmed up,’ she may have an easier time achieving orgasm, regardless of your size.

My main advice?  Work what you’ve got! Very few women know the specific girth of their partners, but I guarantee they notice their confidence.

You may also want to check out the following videos, in which the Cherry Dish ladies discuss their spectrum of different penis preferences:

Penis & Testicles
Penis Cut & Size

Best of luck,
Little Cherry

Have your own question? Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!).

Ah, Period Sex.

I have to say, I’m a pretty new member of the Period Sex Fanclub. As such, my reasons for resistance are still pretty fresh in the skull. I will now list those reasons, and tell you how and why they were so, SO wrong.

I thought having sex on my period was icky.

That’s right, I was that girl. I thought sex on my period was icky. And then… I came to my senses. Icky? ICKY? Ok, logic time. Sex is kind of icky, but in a super awesome, super hot way….and sure, periods are kind of icky….but I like sex but not my period? They’re both things that my body does, and does naturally. Why shouldn’t I combine them? Am I ASHAMED of my period? I let dudes do me in the butt (and, um….that’s where poop comes from) so why shouldn’t I let them do me on my period? Not because it’s icky, surely. As the man I lost my period-stained virginity to so eloquently put it…“It’s just more lube.” Amen to that.

If, however, you’re still a little freaked out by the mess, here are a few tricks to put your mind at ease.

* Put down a towel. For those who squirt, you know the drill. It’s a good idea to pull out some towels when you start your period that month  and have them handy, just so you don’t have to go rummaging in your linen closet when the mood strikes. You don’t have to sacrifice spontaneity for clean sheets.

*Do it in the shower! It’s a great way to ease yourself in.

*When you’re in the throes, stick to slow moves and variations on the missionary position. Remember your high school Physics class? Gravity and Inertia. If you’re freaked out by the mess, now might not be a good time to get on top and hump away.

Aside from thinking that sex on my period would be in icky mess, I thought to myself- “Ugh. I may be horny, but I also feel like I’m being beaten in the uterus with a sledgehammer. All I want to do is curl up in a little ball and watch reruns of the Golden Girls.” Sex just didn’t seem like it would be a good idea. Oh, how wrong I was.

*Having sex, and especially having an orgasm, can actually HELP with your cramps. It’s a lot better for you, and WAY more satisfying, then taking a Midol.

*Not to mention, having and orgasm will actually LESSEN the length of your period. The contractions of your PC muscles during orgasm help your uterus expel it’s goodies much faster than it would on its lonesome. Help a sister out.

*Many of us are actually our randiest during the red season. Not only that, we’re actually at our most SENSITIVE. Ever since I started having Period Sex, my orgasms have been unFREAKINGbeleivable. If that’s not an impetus to try it, I just don’t know what is.

For me, and for a lot of other young women, one of the main reasons that Period Sex is off-putting is that we’re afraid our partner will be grossed out by it. After all, for many of us, periods were a huge source of stress and embarrassment during our teenage years, and those scars don’t heal quickly. I remember one of my friends got her period for the first time during English class and ran out of the classroom. Everybody watched as the school nurse came in and cleaned up the mess she left on her chair. Eep. No wonder we want to hide our periods. But with the right person, sex on your period is neither gross nor embarrassing, but intimate and liberating. It took a real commitment for me to try it for the first time, and it was my BOYFRIEND who talked ME into it! More often than not, it’s not our partners who are grossed out by our periods, it’s us.

*Don’t be afraid to broach that subject. While some men are uncomfortable with Period Sex, most are VERY open to it. Nearly all of the men I’ve dated have been. However, if you or your partner are NOT comfortable with the idea of Period Sex, don’t push it. Like with all aspects of sex, to each his or her own.

*If it IS right for the both of you, take it slow, take it easy, and enjoy it. Sex during such an intimate and vulnerable time for your body can really bring you closer together.

*P.S. Don’t listen when someone tells you not to use protection during your period. Because sperm can live up in ya for for a few days, and because sometimes our cycles are so wonky that we can even OVULATE DURING our periods, it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant when you have period sex. So be safe! As an added bonus, using a diaphragm is another great way to keep the mess to a minimum.

Remember, ye who doubt the greatness of Period Sex. I was once among you, and now…now I’m having fabulous sex on my period. My shorter, lighter, less cramped, orgasm-enhancing period. It’s natural. It’s groovy, and it feels fantastic. It’s time to join the revolution, ladies.

Videos on this topic: Period Sex — Go With the Flow Part 1, Part 2, Period Sex Yay or Nay

For years body image issues stood in the way of my having great satisfying sex. I never felt completely relaxed or confident, and couldn’t truly enjoy the encounter because a part of me was always worried that … my stomach was too big, my breasts were sagging, my thighs jiggled …I could go on and on.

Unfortunately, this video doesn’t really address that type of experience, though I am sure it is one the majority of women deal with at some point. The ladies talk about the empowerment aspects of body image and how we’re all beautiful regardless of size. And yes, that is true, but it’s a lot easier to say than to internalize, especially in this society.

So we’ll be examining the concept more since it’s a major hurdle for many of us to get over. Meanwhile, enjoy the video. Hopefully, like me, you’ll find it rewarding to hear the ladies embrace their curves!

Watch Video: Sex and Body Image

In today’s video the women talk about missionary position. They all enjoy it, and three out of the five women on this panel can climax in missionary without any manual stimulation.

I continue to find it so interesting how different everyone is!! On another panel we did (Orgasm Go To Positions) none of the women could climax in missionary without masturbating. Fascinating, huh?? I believe there are a few things at work here.

The first is simply anatomy. We are all different sizes and none of our pelvises are exactly the same shape. Also, our lovers are different sizes so while we may be able to come via missionary without self-stimulation with one partner, we may not be able to with another based upon the way his penis and/or pelvis hits our clitoris.

There’s also experience. Some women know the exact position they need to be in, regardless of and/or based upon the size of their partner, for the friction to be precise in order to come via missionary. Lucky ladies!!

In addition, I also think it depends upon the type of orgasm or feeling one is looking for while on the bottom. Some women it seems don’t expect to have a clitoral orgasm while in missionary, just a vaginal orgasm. However, some experts say there isn’t really any such thing as a vaginal orgasm, that it’s actually a “blended” orgasm that includes the clitoris and vagina — otherwise there is no release.

That said, during our discussions this last year, many women think of the feeling of intense contractions within her vagina during sex as a vaginal orgasm regardless of no clitoral–like release. (Orgasm Sensations) And while the terminology may need to be perfected, I believe the more orgasms we are able to have — the better!

So anatomy, experience and perception, just a few reasons I believe many women can’t come in missionary without helping herself along, while others can. Now let’s go practice!

Watch Video: Orgasm and Missionary

We’ve gotten a lot of questions about the G-spot and knew we had to explore it on Fresh Advice. We are thrilled to have Claire Cavanah of Babeland teach us the basics on how to find it and stimulate it. And this is just part one! Part two gets into more detail and will come in a few weeks.

A few things to keep in mind regarding the G-spot …

Firstly, not all women like the sensation G-spot stimulation produces. Some find it irritating or even too faint to register. If that’s the case – so be it!! It’s totally normal not to enjoy G-spot stimulation, as it is normal to enjoy it – either way it is nothing to worry about.

Secondly, in some women, the G-spot produces female ejaculate when stimulated. This is not the case for all across the board. So, whether you ejaculate or not again, it’s normal.

Check it out at: G-spot Basics

If it hasn’t happened to you, you know a friend it has happened to – forgotten a tampon was in and inserted another, or began having sex while one was in.

In the Cherry TV video Sex and the Forgotten Tampon the women discuss times it happened to them. And while it was frightening at the time, in retrospect, the stories seem quite funny. Check it out at: Sex and the Forgotten Tampon.

However, losing a tampon within your vagina can be scary and dangerous. While it will not travel up into your uterus, infection, if left long enough, can form. The most common is bacterial vaginosis, which can be treated, but in rare situations, toxic shock syndrome can develop. Signs that you may be developing an infection are: odor, discharge, pelvic pain, and fever.

If you need to retrieve a lost tampon:

1. Wash your hands.

2. Remove any tampons that still have the string hanging out.

3. Bear down like when having a bowel movement or pushing out a baby. This can push the tampon down.

4. Gently insert one finger inside. If your index finger doesn’t go deep enough, try your middle finger.

5. Reach in as far as possible. You have reached the end of your vagina when you feel your cervix. The cervix is like an upside down bowl at the end of the vagina. Bear down while gently pressing on your cervix.

6. Sweep the vagina by making circular and back and forth motions with your finger. Try to sweep the space between the cervix and the start of the vagina. This is where tampons tend to get stuck.

7. If your finger runs into a tampon, come out. Insert two fingers (ones next to each other) and trap the tampon between them. Bear down and try to trap the lost tampon between your two fingers to withdraw it.

If you can’t get it out, go to a doctor or clinic. Also, if you don’t feel anything but sense you may have left one in, or are just uncomfortable searching on your own, seek medical help. Don’t delay or be embarrassed. Situations like this are unfortunately a by-product of being a woman!

By now perhaps you have seen my new episode of Fresh Advice? The one where I tell you my secrets of how I became something of a Sexual Super Heroine? Well, it’s all true! And you can be one too! If you missed it, it’s a funny story and you can watch it now by clicking here: Bigger Better Orgasms

To recap, here are the simple steps to build strong pelvic (Kegal) muscles:

1. Go to the bathroom and let all of the pee out of your body.

2. Squeeze your pelvic muscles 10 times. (The same muscles you would use to stop the flow of pee. Try to isolate just that muscle.)

3. Do three sets of 10 flexes. For a total of 30 flexes.

4. Be sure to breath deeply. (Just like you would when lifting weights or doing yoga.)

5. Do this three times a day or every time you go pee.

And please, if you have questions, a personal story, or comments to add – leave your comments here. I love to hear what you have to say! xo - Ducky