Weird on first glance … but not surprising when you get into it - a study just released from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that men were more likely to say “I love you” to the woman first. Granted, this was determined by only interviewing 205 heterosexual women and men - not a huge sampling nor very scientific approach — yet it did show that men tended said “I love you” first … on average almost six weeks before women! The reason, they believe, is SEX. And intercourse. Surprise! heh.

Men most often said “I love you” first when they hadn’t had sex yet. Women, on the other hand, waited until the relationship had been consummated before saying the three little words.

Therefore, can we deduce men are hoping - albeit subconsciously — that saying “I love you” would lead to sex? And/or when a woman “holds out,” she makes the guy want her more? Sadly, this study seems to indicate both notions.

It also shows how big a role biology plays in the mating game. Women feel closer to a guy once they’ve had sex, finding it easier to open up and say “I love you”- and hence indicating, if necessary, that she’s committed should their coupling produce offspring. On the flip side, once a man had “planted his seed,” it’s easier for him to move on. Saying “I love you” is no longer necessary because he accomplished his job.

It’s crazy how our genetic/biological make-up as a species still dictates the practice and experiences today. Yet, it’s easy to forget that fact when enmeshed in the messy conflux of love, sex, relationship and desire.

My take away - and hopefully a lot of us ladies will remember this - I love you doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. Vulnerability and openness is important in a relationship. But so is communication. And if you’re not ready to have sex yet, don’t let an “I love you,” sway you too quickly!

As a senior in high school, I had been crushing—hard—on Josh* for months.

But, as excited as I was to finally plant a big juicy one on my crush, he may have been a little too eager.

We were finally alone together, having snuck into my parents basement to watch a movie. I was tingling with anticipation of soft and sensual passionate kisses, you know, the way they do it in the movies.

He made his move and his tongue darted into my mouth like he was trying to stab me. I doubt he could have stuck it out any further or any more rigidly. It took up my whole entire mouth, I felt like I might choke on it, and it occasionally poked forward toward the back of throat.

While he continued to try to slay the dragon living in the back of my throat with his tongue-sword, I opened my eyes in shock—to see him staring back at me!

“Why are your eyes open?” I stammered, forcing his rock-solid tongue out of the way.

“To watch out for parents!” he replied sheepishly.

I retreated back toward my side of the couch.

“Can’t we try again?” he asked, reaching for me.

“Well…” I mumbled, not sure how to let him down gently. “I think you could use a little more practice first.”

It was uncomfortable and disappointing to say the least. Here I was, finally kissing this boy I’d fantasized about for months, completely let down. Plus, I was sure I had hurt his feelings.

A few years later, after leaving our small town for bigger and better things, we reunited, and, perhaps fueled by one beer too many, I gave him a second chance. His tender lips and soft tongue made me feel like I was floating. I pulled away, giving him a half-smile and quizzical stare. “I listened,” he said.

(*Name has been changed)

For videos on kissing, check out: How To Kiss and Be Kissed, Tongue Kissing, and First Kiss Tipoff.

Since spring is in the air — and spring fever (the desire for more sex!) often accompanies it — I thought it’s a good time to bring up the issue of boundaries. Sexual boundaries are often difficult to navigate - especially when they are contrary to what our friends do, what our family wants and/or what our social scene dictates.

And when our sexual boundaries are set, men will sometimes try to push past them. It can be intimidating and hard to hold on. During sex or a make-out session, when we’re at the point where we don’t want to go farther, the guy can be insistent that we keep going. And he’ll give a lot of seemingly reasonable reasons like “But I like you so much and just want to get closer,” “If we stop now I’ll get ‘blue balls’,” and “Don’t worry, we won’t go farther than X.”

Besides pressure from our partner, sometimes WE want to go beyond our boundaries. We’re aroused, having fun, and don’t want to stop (or at least stop at the boundary point)! Add alcohol into the mix, and it’s even harder not to throw our reserves out the window!

For many of us though, setting boundaries before a date is important. It enables us to feel comfortable in the moment — yet establishes a specific point when arousal is not part of the equation — in which we know we’ll feel uncomfortable … or regret afterwords. It’s difficult, but worth it in the end.

One concern we may have when exerting boundaries is that we’ll be called a tease. In theory, we have the right to say no at any time — and it’s totally a misogynistic concept — but unfortunately, some women develop a reputation as a “tease.”

My solution (and I’ve asked a number of guys about this and they all agree it is a good one), is if during the make-out session I don’t put my hand on his penis (over or under his pants), then I don’t feel responsible for helping him get off. Granted, I can rub other parts of my body over that area, but if I don’t put my hand there, I don’t worry about “teasing.” Some guys will grab your hand and try to put it there, but it’s important to say NO in that situation, however hard it may be. It’s rude and inappropriate, and he has to know you will not be manipulated like that.

What I’ll also do to help establish my boundaries is mention them on the way home or to his place to make-out. That way he knows ahead of time what to expect, and if he wants more, I just remind him that I had already told him the limit.

Still - it’s a rough road to travel, establishing and keeping sexual boundaries isn’t easy. In my experience though, it gets easier … and I no longer wake up with that dreaded question “Oh shite, what did I do?”

Check out this video where the women discuss boundaries: Saying Yes and No to Sex

Okay, I’ll admit it, I fake it – a lot. I’ve actually faked it more than I have had an authentic orgasm during sex. And I’m not just talking intercourse here – it’s difficult for me to come when someone else is involved. On my own – done and done. But during sex — when he’s going down on me, using his hand, or during intercourse, I become self conscious, worry about taking too long, and can’t come. I fake it because I’m embarrassed.

Unfortunate, huh?? Women are supposed to come during sex with a man, right? At least that’s what mainstream media would have us believe. Therefore, those of us who can’t climax feel inadequate and unwomanly.

I know, I know … faking orgasm is not a good idea for many reasons – it sets a precedent with that particular partner and it validates the belief that women orgasm the same way men do (intense thrusting in and out). In defense, it’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I’m even comfortable having sex. For years I worried I wasn’t a good lover, and hence couldn’t relax in bed. Now (greatly because of Cherry TV!) I’m confident and easy-going, and open to just enjoying the process.

Yet, I fake orgasm. Often, I don’t really have to do anything except give a little squeak. Recently though, I’ve been telling the guy I’m with that it’s not easy for me, so not to expect much (granted, I’ve still faked it in some of these instances). I’ve also busted out my vibrator to help things along.

For now though, I’m not going beat myself up for it. Knowing I can fake it allows me to be sexual and not feel sexually deficient. I’m ready to trade that for truthfulness.

Here’s a Cherry TV video on it: Faking Orgasm

And here are some other good links:
Orgasm Help from iVillage
About.com’s Faking Orgasm Overview

When talking about a lover, we often discuss their kissing.  But of course … it’s usually the first sexual act between two people (first base, duh!) and it can be incredible … or not. There are so many methods and styles of kissing - it’s so subjective.  One can be considered a great kisser and a bad kisser, depending on the partner.

But I want to talk about the tongue.  Specifically, guys who stick a firm tongue into ours mouths and either just keep it there, or move it in and out like a lizard.  I personally have encountered a few of these instances, and so have my friends.  Yet, none of us enjoy it, and can’t even imagine it being a turn-on.   Yet guys do it, so they must like it - right?

Every couple gets into a sexual rut now and then. It could be short lived – after a few sessions the sex feels boring and the couple shakes it up. Or, it could last a long, long time. Ever hear of the seven-year itch? Well, it’s more like a three-year itch for relationships and even less for sex. And considering how many headlines your see on women’s publications declaring suggestions for “Spicing Up Your Sex Life,” it would seem many people are in need of a boost.

Good sex takes work. It’s easy to get comfortable with a specific sexual routine because it’s relatively effortless. And humans are built to get used to things. In order to change the routine, one must usually make a conscious effort and be willing to experiment.

There are a number of ways out of a sexual rut. The key is that both parties are comfortable with the ideas and interested in trying them out. They include: new positions; introducing sex toys, using creams, oils, foods; new locations; and role play (involving props or not). There are also sex games available online and stores – and a huge realm of activities that fall under the category of “kink.”

Most important though, is to talk with your partner and acknowledge the situation (we know, communication blah blah blah, but it is SO important). And yeah, it sucks if one is bored while the other is content – but hopefully the contented party will want to help the other get excited and involved again since it will result in better sex (and, of course, because they care about their feelings).

A great way to find activities/elements to kick-start out of that rut is to tell each other the things you really like. Talk about the activities you’ve thought about doing in bed, the things you’ve done but want more of, and what you fantasize about. In most cases, a number of ideas will overlap – and hence worth trying or doing again.

So, if you find yourself in a rut, think of it as a good thing! It is the natural way to keep that libido bubbling!

And check out this link: Sex Ruts by Chantelle Austin it is a great six part series on ruts!

For videos on this issue:
Help With Boring Sex

Tips and Tricks for Better Sex

Today’s video is about condoms coming off during sex – whether it’s when thrusting or pulling out — and how best to handle it. The women tell their stories, and talk about how scary it is.

If it ever happens to you, what you should do is go to the bathroom, get in the tub, squat and try to pee. If it does not come out, stick your finger in your vagina, just a tiny way in and see if you can feel the condom. If you do, use two finger to clasp it and pull it out.

Be careful though – you don’t want to put your finger in too far, you may accidentally push the condom farther up. 
If you can’t get it out on your own, you will need to go to the doctor. But don’t be embarrassed! It happens often and doctors are totally used to dealing with condoms, and other objects, stuck in vaginas.

Here’s a great link for more stories and information.
Teen Expert - Lost Condom

And to watch this video:
Missing In Action Condoms

Here at Cherry TV a lot of women ask advice on how to select and buy a vibrator online. For those who don’t have access to a female-friendly toy store, or do not want to deal with finding and going to one, buying a vibrator (or any sex toy) online is a great option. And while you don’t have the opportunity to test out its feel and intensity (on your hand. heh.) many online stores provide enough details so that you can choose intelligently.

Before I go into what to ask yourself, and look for, I want to assure everyone that online sex toy stores tend to be quite discreet. They know that their customers don’t want their family members or mailman to know what has arrived, so your purchase is usually packed in a plain brown box with a generic-sounding company’s return address. In addition, the credit card bill often indicates that same generic-sounding company’s charge – and not the URL it was purchased under.

Okay, so buying a vibrator. I’m going to give you some general guidelines, and then direct you to other resources. There are a few sites that do a great job at explaining the various questions to keep in mind, so it’s silly to do it again here.

Firstly, you want to identify what you want the vibrator for. Is it to use alone during masturbation or with a partner during sex? Do you desire clitoral stimulation only, g-spot stimulation, clitoral and vaginal simultaneous stimulation?

If this is your first vibrator, and you are getting it primarily to help you reach orgasm on your own – either because you have never had an orgasm, or are finding using your hand is too much work – I would suggest a basic clitoral vibrator. There are a range of clitoral vibes you can get, from small battery operated models to relatively large plug ins. Some have just one setting others have a few (slow, medium, fast, circular, pulsing). When choosing, keep in mind that it’s possible to get used to the feeling of a vibrator. When this happens, it’s helpful to readjust expectations regarding the clitoral stimulation you’ll receive when having sex with a partner. This feeling/dependency on your vibrator, however, can always be reversed if you stop using it for a little while.

Secondly, does it matter if your vibe makes noise and can travel? If you don’t have to worry about noise and storage, something with a little more heft can be considered. Also, plug in models tend to offer a large range of intensity, and can have accessories that go with them (who doesn’t love accessories?!?!). However, if you live with others in a place with thin walls and want to be able to slip your vibrator in and out of your bag/storage area easily, make sure the model you buy is billed as quiet and battery operated.

Third, what is your price range. Some vibes are inexpensive – in the $10 to $15 range – others are not and can cost more than $100. One would think that cheaper in price means cheaper in make, but that’s not always the case. Some of the most well regarded models are on the inexpensive side.

These are three main issues to keep in mind. Sure, if you want to use it in the tub/shower, there are vibes for that. If you want it worn by your partner to stimulate you during sex, there are vibes for that. The following links go into it all in detail.

All I will say in conclusion is if you are considering buying a vibrator – then YES, go for it!! It’s awesome having a tool that basically guarantees orgasm. Vibrators enable us to reach orgasm relatively quickly. They teach us what kind of stimulation we like, where (ie. above the clitoris, on the left side, etc.). And it guides us repeatedly through the series of sensations experienced leading up to and coming down from orgasm — and hence allow us to experiment with ways to intensify and sustain those sensations.

For more information check out the following links:

My Pleasure Shopping Guide
Babeland’s Guide To Vibrator Shopping
Wild In Secret Vibrator Overview
Ten Things To Know About Vibrators

There are many questions we often get here on Cherry TV - and while we have a number of videos that deal with those questions - I thought, for simplicity’s sake, I would answer them here too.

So, the first, and certainly most popular question we get from women is how to masturbate and reach orgasm. I will begin by saying, like everything in sex, it depends upon the person. There is no method that works for everyone. However, it’s a very rare woman who will not eventually climax via consistent stimulation of her clitoris.

To just make sure everyone is on the same page, the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (vulva meaning exterior parts while the vagina is the interior). Many women think, not surprisingly, that the clitoris is inside because we see women climaxing in movies during intercourse, so it would make sense that it’s inside. But it’s actually tucked below the “mons” area of the vulva (smooth part where hair grows) - and it’s stimulated when pressure is placed on it. If you want to know more about the clitoris, here’s our video on it:

All About the Clitoris

One of the most popular ways woman masturbate is on their back, using anywhere from one to three fingers to rub their clitoris. Some use a circular motion, some use up and down, some roll their clitoris in between two fingers - it’s really what ever feels best to you.

If, when you start, you’re not yet moist, feel free to lick your fingers to get started. Also, fantasy definitely helps.

Reaching orgasm through manual masturbation (the kind described here, not using a vibrator), can take anywhere from one minute to an hour. The more you do it, the easier and quicker it becomes.

Once masturbating, you can sense orgasm is coming when the “tingling,” for lack of a better word, starts. Everything starts to feel a little bit more “alive.” When that happens - keep going! You may be motivated to go faster and/or harder. You may want to flex your kegel muscles or hold your breath. It may feel like you have to pee - that’s natural - and don’t worry, you won’t (you may end up discharging female ejaculate, but it’s not urine). Whatever your body tells you it wants at that time, do it.

What’s going on during this period is that you are gearing up for a release - the release being orgasm.

When the release hits, it can feel a number of different ways. Sometimes it’s short, like a blip. Sometimes it’s long and drawn out. Often you’ll feel waves of sensation course through your body.

Afterwords you’ll be a little spent. But unlike men, we can usually start over again within a few minutes (seconds?). At that time, you may want to try another method - on your stomach using a pillow or other surface to rub against.

That’s it - an overview. Please let us know your methods! If it works for you — it will work for thousands more!!

And for more information, check out these masturbation videos.

Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Methods
Masturbation Techniques

The missionary position is like your favorite pair of jeans—you know that it’s always a good fit that you can depend on and know what to expect. They look great on their own going for a casual feel, or you can dress them up and accessorize in a variety of ways…

Classic and comfy

Sometimes, there is nothing better than good, simple missionary sex; the “t-shirt and jeans” of positions. Having a man on top can make a woman feel very comfortable and safe in her own skin. This is also a favorite for many because it allows for a very intimate experience; it is easy to kiss, gaze at each other and hold your bodies tightly together. Don’t forget to take advantage of the close proximity of your necks, behind the ears and collar bone area. These are some of the most erogenous zones for both men and women.

Try on some options

I have a hot date; know that I need to look good but not too over the top, so I will wear my favorite jeans and pair them with a few different options and see what I like. Missionary is a great place to start to test out your sexual chemistry, rhythm and style. It is easy to give your partner control at first and then once you get a feel for it, you can start to move with him. Depending on your leg placement, you can also gain control of the movement and make him conform to you. This is also a great position to reach around and pull him in closer for a closer and deeper body-on-body feeling.

Accessorize

Don’t forget to accessorize your favorite position to make it different and exciting. Pillows, handcuffs, legs in the air; you name it and it can be done in missionary. A great way to hit your G-spot is with a pillow underneath you to create a “ramp.” This allows your partner to penetrate deeper and because your body is tilted, it feels like he is going in and up, close to your G-spot and other sensitive areas that he may not normally be able to reach. Increase the sensation by putting your legs over his shoulders giving him full access to you without any boundaries for a new take on missionary that you both can benefit from. Missionary is also the ideal position to be dominated in. You can have him pin your hands down by your sides, above your head or even break out the handcuffs for fun. Sometimes it may even be a huge turn-on for him to grab your neck and playfully “choke” you as he moves inside you, for a more aggressive experience.

So when it comes to missionary or your favorite pair of jeans, it is important to be comfortable, switch it up at times and always accessorize when you are in the mood!