When talking about a lover, we often discuss their kissing.  But of course … it’s usually the first sexual act between two people (first base, duh!) and it can be incredible … or not. There are so many methods and styles of kissing - it’s so subjective.  One can be considered a great kisser and a bad kisser, depending on the partner.

But I want to talk about the tongue.  Specifically, guys who stick a firm tongue into ours mouths and either just keep it there, or move it in and out like a lizard.  I personally have encountered a few of these instances, and so have my friends.  Yet, none of us enjoy it, and can’t even imagine it being a turn-on.   Yet guys do it, so they must like it - right?

Little Cherry,

I recently got tested for STDs, but my doctor said I was unable to get checked for HPV (apparently since I’m a guy.) I’ve been kind of worried about it since I heard you can have HPV without symptoms. Is there anything else I can do to find out if I have it? Also, is there anything that my girlfriend can do to help protect herself? We’re both pretty concerned.

-Steve

Steve,

Thanks for your question. I’m really glad to see that you’re looking out for your sexual health. Unfortunately, there are no FDA-approved methods of testing for HPV in men. In fact, there are no general “HPV status” tests available for anyone (although a woman’s Pap can detect abnormal cells which may be run for HPV.) Some men become aware of having HPV due to a development of bumps around the genital area, including the thighs, scrotum, and penis. [If you would show any signs of infection, make sure to see your doctor for an evaluation, ASAP.] Yet, other men show no symptoms at all. In order to help reduce your risks of contracting HPV, you may want to wear condoms or refrain from sexual activity. In the event you are already infected with HPV, your body will most likely fight off the infection within a year or two. In fact, the CDC estimates that about 90% of both low and high-risk infections can clear up within this time frame.  (Still, be aware that you may pass it on to others!)

In regards to your girlfriend, HPV can pose some serious risks for women, including cervical cancer. One thing she should definitely do is get her periodic Pap tests done. (Some clinicians want patients to come in yearly, provided the results consistently come back within normal limits… Others prefer every other year.  Your girlfriend should consult with her health care provider to come up with a time line that fits her needs.) Another option might be the Guardasil vaccine, which can help prevent against four types of HPV responsible for most of the cervical cancers and genital warts. If she’s interested, have her talk to her health care provider for more information.

And here’s a great video on STD testing. It talks about HPV briefly, but also provides great information on testing for other sexually transmitted diseases: STD Testing

Hope this helps.

Keep asking questions,
Little Cherry

There are many questions we often get here on Cherry TV - and while we have a number of videos that deal with those questions - I thought, for simplicity’s sake, I would answer them here too.

So, the first, and certainly most popular question we get from women is how to masturbate and reach orgasm. I will begin by saying, like everything in sex, it depends upon the person. There is no method that works for everyone. However, it’s a very rare woman who will not eventually climax via consistent stimulation of her clitoris.

To just make sure everyone is on the same page, the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (vulva meaning exterior parts while the vagina is the interior). Many women think, not surprisingly, that the clitoris is inside because we see women climaxing in movies during intercourse, so it would make sense that it’s inside. But it’s actually tucked below the “mons” area of the vulva (smooth part where hair grows) - and it’s stimulated when pressure is placed on it. If you want to know more about the clitoris, here’s our video on it:

All About the Clitoris

One of the most popular ways woman masturbate is on their back, using anywhere from one to three fingers to rub their clitoris. Some use a circular motion, some use up and down, some roll their clitoris in between two fingers - it’s really what ever feels best to you.

If, when you start, you’re not yet moist, feel free to lick your fingers to get started. Also, fantasy definitely helps.

Reaching orgasm through manual masturbation (the kind described here, not using a vibrator), can take anywhere from one minute to an hour. The more you do it, the easier and quicker it becomes.

Once masturbating, you can sense orgasm is coming when the “tingling,” for lack of a better word, starts. Everything starts to feel a little bit more “alive.” When that happens - keep going! You may be motivated to go faster and/or harder. You may want to flex your kegel muscles or hold your breath. It may feel like you have to pee - that’s natural - and don’t worry, you won’t (you may end up discharging female ejaculate, but it’s not urine). Whatever your body tells you it wants at that time, do it.

What’s going on during this period is that you are gearing up for a release - the release being orgasm.

When the release hits, it can feel a number of different ways. Sometimes it’s short, like a blip. Sometimes it’s long and drawn out. Often you’ll feel waves of sensation course through your body.

Afterwords you’ll be a little spent. But unlike men, we can usually start over again within a few minutes (seconds?). At that time, you may want to try another method - on your stomach using a pillow or other surface to rub against.

That’s it - an overview. Please let us know your methods! If it works for you — it will work for thousands more!!

And for more information, check out these masturbation videos.

Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Methods
Masturbation Techniques

Little Cherry,

My girlfriend and I have been having some major relationship problems lately… Well, I guess most of the problems are actually mine. This is my first lesbian relationship… Although I’m crazy about my partner, I freeze up in bed and can’t become aroused. (This seems to be a combo of mental and physical problems.) I was wondering if there was some type of female Viagra out there that could help fix my arousal problem.

-Med-Head

Dear Med Head,

Nope, no female Viagra… At least not yet. Though many pharmaceutical meetings have been held to promote a future ‘Pink Viagra,’ clinical studies have nevertheless proven that Sildenafil (a.k.a. Viagra) has no significant effect on female sexual arousal disorder for most women. How could this be? As you may know, some major differences generally exist between male and female sexual responses. For instance, research suggests that while men’s excitement seems to correlate with penile engorgement, women’s desire does not necessarily match up with their physiological excitement. Therefore, your arousal issue may have nothing to do with your blood flow ‘down there.’ [You really should be checked out by a physician to rule this out, though. It’s a critical first step in treating any sexual dysfunction!]

So, what’s a girl to do? Some doctors believe that the vast majority of women can relieve their sexual problems through education about female sexuality and sexual response. Unfortunately, many people’s sexual education only comes from high school sex-ed, which (if you had a program like mine) somehow finds a way to mysteriously omit the clit from female anatomical diagrams. For this reason, it may be beneficial for you to seek out other sources of information, whether through books, articles, forums, conversations, websites, counselors, doctors- you name it! [Might I recommend our video ‘Do I have a Disorder?’] Just make sure to use your best judgment in regards to the quality of info you’re getting throughout your search.

One more thought: do you think you may be having anxiety or confusion due to being in your first lesbian relationship? If so, this can certainly play a role in your arousal problems. Because we live in a society which constantly bombards us with images of ‘proper’ sexuality (i.e. guy/girl; same race; unrealistic bodies; blah, blah, blah), it’s easy to feel shame and guilt about deviating from the supposed norm. Talking your feelings out with your partner or another confidante might be helpful. A sex counselor or therapist could also have some useful suggestions for you, if you decide to take that route.

Best of luck (and keep asking questions),
Little Cherry

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

The missionary position is like your favorite pair of jeans—you know that it’s always a good fit that you can depend on and know what to expect. They look great on their own going for a casual feel, or you can dress them up and accessorize in a variety of ways…

Classic and comfy

Sometimes, there is nothing better than good, simple missionary sex; the “t-shirt and jeans” of positions. Having a man on top can make a woman feel very comfortable and safe in her own skin. This is also a favorite for many because it allows for a very intimate experience; it is easy to kiss, gaze at each other and hold your bodies tightly together. Don’t forget to take advantage of the close proximity of your necks, behind the ears and collar bone area. These are some of the most erogenous zones for both men and women.

Try on some options

I have a hot date; know that I need to look good but not too over the top, so I will wear my favorite jeans and pair them with a few different options and see what I like. Missionary is a great place to start to test out your sexual chemistry, rhythm and style. It is easy to give your partner control at first and then once you get a feel for it, you can start to move with him. Depending on your leg placement, you can also gain control of the movement and make him conform to you. This is also a great position to reach around and pull him in closer for a closer and deeper body-on-body feeling.

Accessorize

Don’t forget to accessorize your favorite position to make it different and exciting. Pillows, handcuffs, legs in the air; you name it and it can be done in missionary. A great way to hit your G-spot is with a pillow underneath you to create a “ramp.” This allows your partner to penetrate deeper and because your body is tilted, it feels like he is going in and up, close to your G-spot and other sensitive areas that he may not normally be able to reach. Increase the sensation by putting your legs over his shoulders giving him full access to you without any boundaries for a new take on missionary that you both can benefit from. Missionary is also the ideal position to be dominated in. You can have him pin your hands down by your sides, above your head or even break out the handcuffs for fun. Sometimes it may even be a huge turn-on for him to grab your neck and playfully “choke” you as he moves inside you, for a more aggressive experience.

So when it comes to missionary or your favorite pair of jeans, it is important to be comfortable, switch it up at times and always accessorize when you are in the mood!

There are times when the mood strikes to give great oral sex. There can be something very empowering in knowing that you have the ability to give your partner complete satisfaction by performing phenomenal fellatio (or cunnilingus, though for the sake of this article, we’ll be focusing on fellatio).

It can be as intimate as intercourse, or even more so. It isn’t always just about a “blow job.” Sometimes it is about connecting with your partner in different ways with a variety of techniques and exploring their bodies and learning more about what they enjoy. Giving your partner a blissful oral experience can merit a sense of pride, closeness and self-satisfaction.

Of course it’s important to demonstrate good basic blow job techniques, for some of these tips you can refer to some other CherryTV articles:

- Blow Job Hand Use

- Deep Throat

- BJ Hand Use (Part 3)

- Tending to the Testicles

Here are a few more techniques that I recommend to bring oral sex to a more intimate and intense level:

Eye Contact

Eye contact is equally important during a first impression and a job interview as it is during oral sex. Some men love this, some don’t care…you don’t really know until you try it. It is generally most effective when his entire penis is in your mouth or you are licking the length of it with some complimentary hand motions. Your gaze shouldn’t necessarily be for a lengthy period of time but just locking eyes between motions or even speeds of your hand and mouth can be really sexy and intimate.

The Full Body Blow Job

Of course it is important to focus on all parts of the package. The best to “other” spots to focus on (in order of importance): behind the knees, top of the feet and behind the ears and neck. The best time to go for any of these extra is when the penis is fully submersed in your mouth, so take a mouthful and run your hands down his legs and to the back of his knees and just trace the line there, go down to his feet, on top of his calves, stop back up at the package for a mini hand job and then repeat. If you want to take a break in between and go to the ear/neck/collar bone area, that is totally allowed and encouraged as long as you aren’t missing from the package for too long.

These erogenous zones will be sure to enhance the entire experience and help you to really connect with your partner and put him over the edge (in a great way of course!)

Check out all our videos on the topic!!! Cherry TV Oral Sex Videos

According to some doctors, 80% of women who believe they have female sexual dysfunction (FSD) can improve their symptoms by addressing their mental and emotional needs. Sexual problems are sometimes due to a lack of education regarding women’s bodies and sexual responses. Also, for many people, facets of FSD, such as vaginismus, inorgasmia, and lack of arousal can be traced back to stress and anxiety. Especially in light of the current economy, it’s no wonder that many women are struggling to ‘get in the mood.’ Though Jamye Waxman’s advice in “Getting in the Mood” may be helpful for some women, not everyone has the time or money to take a long bubble bath or purchase fresh flowers. So, what else can you do? There are obviously (and unfortunately) no simple solutions for relieving all women’s stress. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when your mood is pulling you down into a sexual recession.

Tips for Improving a Sexual Slump:

(1) Be easy on yourself. Many women struggle with believing they have an abnormally low sex drive. This self-perception can bring about even more sexual anxiety, which, in turn, fuels a vicious cycle. So, instead, try to examine your situation without using conceptions of ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy.’ Perhaps you’ll find that a loss of sexual interest isn’t all that alarming considering current life changes and new responsibilities.

(2) Make lists. “Focus on the pleasure” can be frustrating advice when you’ve got a million other things on your mind. Rather than trying to shut down these thoughts, make some lists throughout the day. That way, when it comes time to get down, you can remind yourself that tomorrow’s to-do’s are already lined up to go.

(3) Take care of your body. Healthy diet and exercise can improve your stress levels and self-image, possibly resulting in an increased sex drive. Luckily, there are lots of little things you can do to boost your well-being. If possible, ride your bike to take care of errands. If you have to drive, park in the furthest parking spot for an extra walk. Also, try incorporating fresh fruits and vegetables into your daily meals. Never underestimate the role that diet and exercise can play in your emotional and sexual well-being.

Whether or not you find your ‘slump’ to be a cause for distress, you may want to explain your thoughts to your partner. You might also consider speaking with a counselor, therapist, doctor, or other trained professional if the situation feels overwhelming. Just as the economy goes in ebs and flows, so can your sex drive. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of hanging in there.

I recently received a question on the Cherry TV site from a woman who has been faking orgasm while with her boyfriend, but reached the point that she wants to experience it for real. She also mentioned that she doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like — that’s she’s tried masturbating, but hasn’t had any luck. I would like to print my response here because it seems as if this situation is not so unusual.

Firstly, we would suggest getting a vibrator. There are a number of places you can order one online – and no one will know you’ve purchased one. (Babeland.com; Sextoy.com). Most women, we have found, tend to orgasm quite quickly by using a vibrator on or near their clitoris.

Now that you know what it feels like, you can either continue using the vibrator, or switch back to your hand during masturbation recognizing that it may take longer than you originally thought (at least at the beginning!) to reach the point of climax.

Second, and this is a hard one, but if you are able to, talk with your partner about it. If he knows, then together you can work on your orgasm … you can communicate during sex as to what feels good and what isn’t really doing it for you. And I’m sure he would want to know … not only because he cares for you, but because it will certainly make him a better lover long term.

One note, many women aren’t able to orgasm through intercourse, especially those that have only recently begun climaxing. It’s not easy because many positions don’t allow for direct stimulation on your clitoris.

However, climaxing during sex is wonderful, so there are a few methods you can use to obtain this feeling. One, if you are able to climax manually at this time during masturbation, then go ahead and stimulate yourself during sex. Doggie style is great for this, and so is missionary if your legs and his torso are positioned so that you can fit your hand in. A few men will be insulted because of this, but most think it’s really hot. Plus, if your partner knows that climaxing is a problem, he’ll welcome the self-stimulation!

Second, if you aren’t able yet to orgasm from manual stimulation, then you can consider using your vibrator during intercourse. There are also the vibrating cock rings, but they’re a little awkward, because they don’t tend to work when the man is simply thrusting.

Another approach is basic trial and error. By working together with your partner, you can determine what positions enable his pelvic bone to rub against your clitoris. Some popular ones include:

1) You on top, leaning forward, and moving back and forth instead of up and down.

2) Him on top, your legs are around him, and his body is positioned lower than traditionally so that his pelvis hits your clitoris.

3) Him on top, with your legs straight out in between his, so you are basically griping his penis and thrusting so that your clitoris is hitting the base.

Lastly, if you are still not able to have an orgasm during sex – (and don’t feel bad about it!! There’s **so** much to think about during sex, it’s not surprising it’s difficult to relax and climax) and you feel comfortable doing this, you can masturbate with your partner there. A nice way to do this is having him fondle and kiss you while you masturbate so you both are involved. Believe it or not, it’s actually quite fulfilling.

We also have a bunch of videos about this including:

How To Help Him Help You Reach Orgasm
Masturbation Evolution
Masturbation Techniques
Favorite Orgasm Positions
Best Positions For Climaxing

Some men like it hot…but all like it wet. The MOST important foundation to a successful BJ is to get his penis as wet as you possibly can and keep it that way for the duration of the exercise. You can do this with your mouth or use lube if you prefer. If you chose to forgo the lube, you don’t want to directly spit on it, but when you first insert the penis into your mouth try to gather a lot of saliva, this should be your main goal—think slip and slide. At this preliminary stage do not worry about your where your hands are, how you look , or if he likes it…the answer is yes to all!

Once you have the penis well lubricated, you should move on to what I like to call the “V spot” - the indentations on either side of the package. It is best to start from bottom to top and lick from the top (side almost) of the ball sack up to the hip bone. Repeat on other side. Trace the lines you made with your tongue with your thumb and index finger. It is fine to concentrate on one side at a time naturally, but the idea is to be able to give a lubricated massage around the package.

So you should be able to have a pretty good introductory rhythm: hands on either side of the package, entire penis in your mouth from bottom to top, then tongue only from bottom to top.

By now, your man should be relaxed and thoroughly enjoying the situation and the penis should be well lubricated and easy to work with. This is the perfect time to bring your hand into play. Now don’t worry if you don’t think you are good at hand jobs and you had an embarrassing experience in your adolescent past, this isn’t the same as a 2nd base hand job. Grab the penis with your whole hand and start to move it up and down nice and slow. The key to good hand motion during a BJ is to keep your hand flexible, and variety. I like to start at the base of the shaft with my pinkie and then one by one fan each finger around the penis until it is enclosed in my loose fist. As you fan your fingers and close your hand tighter move up the shaft and then come back down with the closed fist. It is important to keep your hand loose and in constant motion coming on and off the penis at different levels.

It is very important not to forget about his balls – and you have a few options. If you want to go ahead and put them in your mouth, go for it….just be careful. It can be like two dogs in a bathtub, as soon as you get one in, the other will normally jump out. Don’t sweat it, this isn’t a key element. As long as you get both balls involved at some point, you should be okay (when you are playing with balls, it is ideal to keep the hand motion on his penis as to create a “full package experience”). Scared to put them in your mouth? Totally understandable. By now the entire area should be pretty wet, so you should be able to cup his balls and gently play with them as you continue with your up and down motion with your hand and mouth.

If possible integrate all of the actions mentioned above during the entire blow job. You should have a good balance of a “v spot” massage, licking the length, totally in your mouth, hand motion and balls. I like to think of it as choreography, you have the steps down, now you just have to create a routine. Good luck and enjoy!!!

And check out these videos for more help: Fellatio Hand Tips, Tending To His Testices

Women of the world, I’m begging you:  Never, EVER fake an orgasm again.

Here’s why.

Exhibit A: You.

How in the world to you expect your partner to know you’re unsatisfied if you fake an orgasm? Nuff said. You’re not doing yourself ANY favors by going all ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on his ass. It’s completely and totally counterproductive.  Sure it can be fun, sure it can give him a little boost in the self-esteem department, but all it’s going to do for you is ENSURE that you’re probably never going to have an ACTUAL orgasm with him. Ever. Which brings me to:

Exhibit B.  Men.

Listen ladies, there’s a fact about our bodies that we have to face. We’re kind of complicated. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the more women out there going apeshit after a couple meager thrusts, the more likely you are to come across a man who thinks that’s all it takes to pleasure a woman. They really BELIEVE it. Trust me, I’ve seen these guys in action.

And you know what? It’s not their fault, it’s OURS.

When we fake orgasms, we’re telling our menfolk that it’s that easy! We’re filling their heads with silly ideas that they will go on believing until they are corrected. And trust me, they will not be corrected easily. How many of you out there have had a man look at you like you’re some kind of alien when you told him you didn’t come? The truth is, he’s not an asshole. His EX is. When you fake it with him and send him on his way, you’re just making it harder for the next gal that crosses his path. It’s a vicious cycle, ladies, and it’s time for it to stop. We shouldn’t have men running around demoralized when their lady needs a hand (or a vibe) to get off, and we DEFINITELY shouldn’t have them running around thinking that their lady isn’t normal when she doesn’t come after three minutes of intercourse.

Exhibit C: The Sisterhood.

It’s time for us to stop letting men believe that their cocks are all-powerful.

It’s time for us to stop letting other women be shamed for needing a little  help to have an orgasm.

It’s time for us to start getting real about getting there.

Now, let’s be fair. Every woman, every vagina, every clitoris and every orgasm is different- and every time two people have sex, they have to figure out each others bodies to get it right. HOWEVER. That’s only part of the reason you might be having trouble with your partner. The rest, in my humble opinion, is this mass conspiracy against women getting off. Who knows when it started, but it’s time for it to stop. Men need to get comfortable with the time it takes to please their lady. Women need to get comfortable with themselves.

Whenever a woman tells me that she’s faked it, there’s one little fact I always make sure to remind her of.

When you fake it, you’re telling yourself and your partner that you don’t have the right to a real orgasm. And that’s just crazy. Sure, you can have great sex without coming. Absolutely. But never should you ever believe that orgasm just isn’t in the cards for you. It is. For all of us.

And listen, I know you’re going to tell me that there are times when faking it works. One night stands, insecure boyfriends, whatever. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. No excuses, ladies. Every fake orgasm makes it that much harder for the rest of us. And for you. It might be a hard habit to break, but you’ll thank yourself when you don’t have to sneak off to the bathroom with your vibrator in the middle of the night so you don’t wake up your husband. And we, the sisterhood, will thank you when your one-night stand comes our way tomorrow.

So for you, for your man, and for all the ladies in the world who think that they can’t come, they shouldn’t come, or that something’s wrong with them if they don’t: Get real, ladies. Don’t fake it.

Watch Video:Faking Orgasm