The World Cup in South Africa ended Sunday, in a 120-minute final match between the Netherlands and Spain.

During those 120- minutes, statistics show that 422 South African women would have been raped.

Which is why Dr. Sonnet Ehlers was inspired to test out her anti-rape device, called Rape-aXe, in her home country as it hosted the 2010 World Cup.

Rape-aXe is essentially a female condom with hooks inside. A woman can insert the device with an applicator similar to that of a tampon. Should she be raped, the hooks attach to the rapist’s penis, just in the skin, not deep enough to draw blood.

Impossible to dislodge, the device will need to be removed by a doctor, resulting in the rapist’s inevitable arrest.

Dr. Ehlers, was inspired to create the device 40 years ago by a rape victim who she recalls saying “If only I had teeth down there,” she told CNN last month.

But can the age-old myth of the vagina dentata really stop sexual assault?

In my mind, there are two major barriers to the full-blown success of something like the Rape-aXe. First of all, a man who is already violent enough to rape is not going to be pleased to find his penis has been ensnared by a female-condom-turned-bear-trap. He is likely to react even more violently, potentially hurting the woman wearing the Rape-aXe even more brutally.

Secondly, this puts further responsibility and blame on women to not “let themselves get raped” as it were. To me, it feels like the same awful victim blaming we hear all the time – she was dressed provocatively, she shouldn’t have been out so late, she was asking for it. A woman has to be constantly expecting to be raped to feel she needs the Rape-aXe, a state of psychological trauma that I would not wish upon anyone.

“It doesn’t address ways that we can be preventing men from raping; it just has women anticipate it,” writes Feministing. Others have called it a type of enslavement.

Ehlers addressed these concerns in an interview with Radio Netherlands, saying the men are violent already. Rape-aXe won’t make them more violent; it will hold them accountable and possibly even dissuade them from violence, she says, because they need a doctor to remove the device.

“Because he’s tagged, he cannot remove it, he’s got to go to a hospital, and then he’s identified. So now at least he’ll be up for rape, and not for murder and rape,” she said.

And, according to Jezebel, perceiving this as a victim-blaming tool is a luxury of the western world. Ehlers is taking drastic measures because South American women have already tried drastic measures, some even inserting razor blades wrapped in sponges into their vaginas, reports CNN. The biggest issue is stopping rape by any means possible in a country this torn by it.

Because rape is ravaging South Africa. The country has the highest rate of rape in the world. Estimates from a 2006 study by Interpol, the international policy agency, found that a woman is raped every 17 seconds in South Africa. According to Human Rights Watch, 28% of South African men have raped a woman or girl and one in 20 have done so in the past year. Amnesty International reports that only about 8% of rape cases are brought to court.

So how are they working out? Well, therein lies another problem. Dr. Ehlers’ grand plans to distribute 30,000 free condoms in South Africa during the World Cup have fallen more than a little short.

Mother Jones caught up with Dr. Ehlers at the end of June and asked the tough questions. The doctor revealed she had only raised $120, not enough to distribute even a single condom. (Which brings to mind another question – at about $2 a pop, will the women at the highest risk for rape around the world be able to afford Rape-aXe? Are they reusable? How many would a woman need in a year? That cost will add up.)

While Rape-aXe got a considerable amount of buzz and coverage by international media, no one reported on the fact that she was only going to distribute the 30,000 condoms if she got enough donations. So far, no one has been exactly banging down her door.

It’s undoubtedly not the solution in the U.S., but in a country so torn by violence and rape, this might just work. That is, if it ever makes it out the door.

I learned the hard way that the Pill makes me crazy.

It was the summer of 2006, and I was in a semi- weird place in my life, but nothing that should have been life-altering.
And yet I was exhausted every day, crying for no reason, and just about ready to bite the heads off of family and friends for looking at me the wrong way.

The nurse practitioner who had originally prescribed the Pill for me—when I was 16—had explained it could mess with my mood, but I had shrugged off her concerns. That summer, when my emotional world was collapsing, I confided in my mom. When she explained that nearly half of my extended family is on some sort of mood-stabilizing medication, monitoring my freakouts took on new meaning for me.

I argued and cried my way through the summer, holding on to the idea that a change of scenery come the fall (I was shipping off to study abroad in Paris) would knock me back into my normal emotional routine.

And then I went off the Pill.

For three years my emotions—while admittedly a little more over-the-top than some of my more stoic lady friends—were in check. Sure, I still had some epic bouts of PMS every now and then and semi-regular stress-meltdowns, but my emotions were at least borderline rational.

In the summer of 2009 I was legitimately high on life—I was settling into a dream job in a city I am absolutely in love with, and I was in the happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase of a budding relationship. I hadn’t been involved with someone seriously in a while, and when we decided to become monogamous, he told me how much he disliked condoms.

So I went back on the Pill.

It took surprisingly little time to feel my mood drop. By the third week, my high had flown out the window. I was crabby and annoyed, crying easily, and unsatisfied with the things that were making me ecstatic mere days before.

Afraid of slipping back to the darkness of the summer three years before, I contacted my doctor and told her what was going on. Unfortunately, she told me, pretty much every version of the Pill is likely to have some effect on mood. But she quickly wrote up a prescription for Microgestin, a Pill with a different combination of hormones that might lessen the effects.

That was in August. I noticed a difference with my new pill, but I still didn’t feel completely like myself. When the relationship fizzled out in November, I cursed myself for pumping myself full of hormones for someone who didn’t stick around. But because the Pill did wonders for my period and seriously eased my cramps, I stuck with the daily routine. By February I had started to feel like I was logging a few too many freakouts and I began considering other options.

I talked with my doctor in March about the possibility of getting an IUD. Despite their lingering bad rap, today’s intrauterine devices, Mirena and ParaGard, are not only safe and effective, but extremely popular. In other countries.

Only 2% of American women using contraception use an IUD according to 2007 data. In other countries, these numbers are much higher; 27% of Norwegian women use one!

Mirena, which releases a low dose of hormones, is made of soft plastic and is effective for five years. ParaGard, made from copper, is effective for up to 10 years and contains no hormones. The FDA recommends Mirena for women who have had at least one child, but ParaGard can work for anyone. The small, T-shaped device is thought to work by stopping sperm from reaching an egg, either because the copper in ParaGard acts as a spermicide, or the hormones in Mirena thicken cervical mucus.

My doctor soothed my concerns that I’d only be eligible for an IUD if I had a baby at home, and she was surprisingly positive about the IUD. Still, she suggested trying one more variation of the Pill first and if I was still unhappy, contacting an OB/GYN.

The concern in the past, she explained, was that IUDs may in some cases lead to infections from insertion. And while both are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy, neither protects against sexually transmitted diseases. Six months into a relationship, this monogamy thing still feels a little new to me, but with any luck, it’s going to last a long time, I assured her.

I decided I’d go for one more variation of the Pill—third time’s a charm, right? —so now I’m dutifully taking my Zovia daily. I feel much better than on the Microgestin, but still not completely like myself. Every time I feel myself choking up at a cheesy movie I would have previously dismissed with a scoff, or snapping a little too quickly at my manfriend, a little voice in the back of my mind whispers “Get a IUD already!” (Yes, I realize the implications of mentioning the voices in my head in a blog post about how crazy I am. These are hypothetical voices, I promise.)

Research suggests doctors are still hesitant to prescribe the devices, often because they are not up-to-date on the facts. The IUD got its bad rap from the Dalkon Shield, which led to a number of deaths in the 1970s before manufacturers stopped selling it. The United States staged a massive anti-IUD freakout, while the devices simply gained in popularity around the world. Many doctors also were never properly trained in insertion, so they don’t feel comfortable prescribing an IUD.

At a one-time cost of $175 to $650, including insertion, according to Planned Parenthood, it’s not exactly cheap, but those monthly Pill costs add up, so I’d be saving money in the long-term. And there’s nothing to remember to swallow daily or check monthly, just one insertion and that’s it. I’m willing to put up with the common side effects, like minor spotting and initial cramping, if it means a birth-control-free-mind after that.

But more than anything, I just want to be myself. I sick of my boobs hurting when I go jogging and this never-ending what-am-I-forgetting anxiety and my eyes swollen from crying every other day. I take care of my body in so many other ways—eating healthily, working out, getting good sleep—that pumping my body full of hormones seems contradictory to everything I stand for.

I think I’m ready. I just wish I knew someone who had one, that BFF who could answer every single question from what does insertion feel like, to how do they get it out, to will my partner feel it during sex. So few women in America use an IUD, it’s become the best kept birth control secret. So tell me, what’s your experience with an IUD?

For more information on birth control,  check out:  Barrier Birth Control and Hormonal Birth Control

When talking about a lover, we often discuss their kissing.  But of course … it’s usually the first sexual act between two people (first base, duh!) and it can be incredible … or not. There are so many methods and styles of kissing - it’s so subjective.  One can be considered a great kisser and a bad kisser, depending on the partner.

But I want to talk about the tongue.  Specifically, guys who stick a firm tongue into ours mouths and either just keep it there, or move it in and out like a lizard.  I personally have encountered a few of these instances, and so have my friends.  Yet, none of us enjoy it, and can’t even imagine it being a turn-on.   Yet guys do it, so they must like it - right?

Little Cherry,

I recently got tested for STDs, but my doctor said I was unable to get checked for HPV (apparently since I’m a guy.) I’ve been kind of worried about it since I heard you can have HPV without symptoms. Is there anything else I can do to find out if I have it? Also, is there anything that my girlfriend can do to help protect herself? We’re both pretty concerned.

-Steve

Steve,

Thanks for your question. I’m really glad to see that you’re looking out for your sexual health. Unfortunately, there are no FDA-approved methods of testing for HPV in men. In fact, there are no general “HPV status” tests available for anyone (although a woman’s Pap can detect abnormal cells which may be run for HPV.) Some men become aware of having HPV due to a development of bumps around the genital area, including the thighs, scrotum, and penis. [If you would show any signs of infection, make sure to see your doctor for an evaluation, ASAP.] Yet, other men show no symptoms at all. In order to help reduce your risks of contracting HPV, you may want to wear condoms or refrain from sexual activity. In the event you are already infected with HPV, your body will most likely fight off the infection within a year or two. In fact, the CDC estimates that about 90% of both low and high-risk infections can clear up within this time frame.  (Still, be aware that you may pass it on to others!)

In regards to your girlfriend, HPV can pose some serious risks for women, including cervical cancer. One thing she should definitely do is get her periodic Pap tests done. (Some clinicians want patients to come in yearly, provided the results consistently come back within normal limits… Others prefer every other year.  Your girlfriend should consult with her health care provider to come up with a time line that fits her needs.) Another option might be the Guardasil vaccine, which can help prevent against four types of HPV responsible for most of the cervical cancers and genital warts. If she’s interested, have her talk to her health care provider for more information.

And here’s a great video on STD testing. It talks about HPV briefly, but also provides great information on testing for other sexually transmitted diseases: STD Testing

Hope this helps.

Keep asking questions,
Little Cherry

There are many questions we often get here on Cherry TV - and while we have a number of videos that deal with those questions - I thought, for simplicity’s sake, I would answer them here too.

So, the first, and certainly most popular question we get from women is how to masturbate and reach orgasm. I will begin by saying, like everything in sex, it depends upon the person. There is no method that works for everyone. However, it’s a very rare woman who will not eventually climax via consistent stimulation of her clitoris.

To just make sure everyone is on the same page, the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (vulva meaning exterior parts while the vagina is the interior). Many women think, not surprisingly, that the clitoris is inside because we see women climaxing in movies during intercourse, so it would make sense that it’s inside. But it’s actually tucked below the “mons” area of the vulva (smooth part where hair grows) - and it’s stimulated when pressure is placed on it. If you want to know more about the clitoris, here’s our video on it:

All About the Clitoris

One of the most popular ways woman masturbate is on their back, using anywhere from one to three fingers to rub their clitoris. Some use a circular motion, some use up and down, some roll their clitoris in between two fingers - it’s really what ever feels best to you.

If, when you start, you’re not yet moist, feel free to lick your fingers to get started. Also, fantasy definitely helps.

Reaching orgasm through manual masturbation (the kind described here, not using a vibrator), can take anywhere from one minute to an hour. The more you do it, the easier and quicker it becomes.

Once masturbating, you can sense orgasm is coming when the “tingling,” for lack of a better word, starts. Everything starts to feel a little bit more “alive.” When that happens - keep going! You may be motivated to go faster and/or harder. You may want to flex your kegel muscles or hold your breath. It may feel like you have to pee - that’s natural - and don’t worry, you won’t (you may end up discharging female ejaculate, but it’s not urine). Whatever your body tells you it wants at that time, do it.

What’s going on during this period is that you are gearing up for a release - the release being orgasm.

When the release hits, it can feel a number of different ways. Sometimes it’s short, like a blip. Sometimes it’s long and drawn out. Often you’ll feel waves of sensation course through your body.

Afterwords you’ll be a little spent. But unlike men, we can usually start over again within a few minutes (seconds?). At that time, you may want to try another method - on your stomach using a pillow or other surface to rub against.

That’s it - an overview. Please let us know your methods! If it works for you — it will work for thousands more!!

And for more information, check out these masturbation videos.

Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Methods
Masturbation Techniques

Little Cherry,

My girlfriend and I have been having some major relationship problems lately… Well, I guess most of the problems are actually mine. This is my first lesbian relationship… Although I’m crazy about my partner, I freeze up in bed and can’t become aroused. (This seems to be a combo of mental and physical problems.) I was wondering if there was some type of female Viagra out there that could help fix my arousal problem.

-Med-Head

Dear Med Head,

Nope, no female Viagra… At least not yet. Though many pharmaceutical meetings have been held to promote a future ‘Pink Viagra,’ clinical studies have nevertheless proven that sildenafil (a.k.a. Viagra) has no significant effect on female sexual arousal disorder for most women. How could this be? As you may know, some major differences generally exist between male and female sexual responses. For instance, research suggests that while men’s excitement seems to correlate with penile engorgement, women’s desire does not necessarily match up with their physiological excitement. Therefore, your arousal issue may have nothing to do with your blood flow ‘down there.’ [You really should be checked out by a physician to rule this out, though. It’s a critical first step in treating any sexual dysfunction!]

So, what’s a girl to do? Some doctors believe that the vast majority of women can relieve their sexual problems through education about female sexuality and sexual response. Unfortunately, many people’s sexual education only comes from high school sex-ed, which (if you had a program like mine) somehow finds a way to mysteriously omit the clit from female anatomical diagrams. For this reason, it may be beneficial for you to seek out other sources of information, whether through books, articles, forums, conversations, websites, counselors, doctors- you name it! [Might I recommend our video ‘Do I have a Disorder?’] Just make sure to use your best judgment in regards to the quality of info you’re getting throughout your search.

One more thought: do you think you may be having anxiety or confusion due to being in your first lesbian relationship? If so, this can certainly play a role in your arousal problems. Because we live in a society which constantly bombards us with images of ‘proper’ sexuality (i.e. guy/girl; same race; unrealistic bodies; blah, blah, blah), it’s easy to feel shame and guilt about deviating from the supposed norm. Talking your feelings out with your partner or another confidante might be helpful. A sex counselor or therapist could also have some useful suggestions for you, if you decide to take that route.

Best of luck (and keep asking questions),
Little Cherry

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

The missionary position is like your favorite pair of jeans—you know that it’s always a good fit that you can depend on and know what to expect. They look great on their own going for a casual feel, or you can dress them up and accessorize in a variety of ways…

Classic and comfy

Sometimes, there is nothing better than good, simple missionary sex; the “t-shirt and jeans” of positions. Having a man on top can make a woman feel very comfortable and safe in her own skin. This is also a favorite for many because it allows for a very intimate experience; it is easy to kiss, gaze at each other and hold your bodies tightly together. Don’t forget to take advantage of the close proximity of your necks, behind the ears and collar bone area. These are some of the most erogenous zones for both men and women.

Try on some options

I have a hot date; know that I need to look good but not too over the top, so I will wear my favorite jeans and pair them with a few different options and see what I like. Missionary is a great place to start to test out your sexual chemistry, rhythm and style. It is easy to give your partner control at first and then once you get a feel for it, you can start to move with him. Depending on your leg placement, you can also gain control of the movement and make him conform to you. This is also a great position to reach around and pull him in closer for a closer and deeper body-on-body feeling.

Accessorize

Don’t forget to accessorize your favorite position to make it different and exciting. Pillows, handcuffs, legs in the air; you name it and it can be done in missionary. A great way to hit your G-spot is with a pillow underneath you to create a “ramp.” This allows your partner to penetrate deeper and because your body is tilted, it feels like he is going in and up, close to your G-spot and other sensitive areas that he may not normally be able to reach. Increase the sensation by putting your legs over his shoulders giving him full access to you without any boundaries for a new take on missionary that you both can benefit from. Missionary is also the ideal position to be dominated in. You can have him pin your hands down by your sides, above your head or even break out the handcuffs for fun. Sometimes it may even be a huge turn-on for him to grab your neck and playfully “choke” you as he moves inside you, for a more aggressive experience.

So when it comes to missionary or your favorite pair of jeans, it is important to be comfortable, switch it up at times and always accessorize when you are in the mood!

There are times when the mood strikes to give great oral sex. There can be something very empowering in knowing that you have the ability to give your partner complete satisfaction by performing phenomenal fellatio (or cunnilingus, though for the sake of this article, we’ll be focusing on fellatio).

It can be as intimate as intercourse, or even more so. It isn’t always just about a “blow job.” Sometimes it is about connecting with your partner in different ways with a variety of techniques and exploring their bodies and learning more about what they enjoy. Giving your partner a blissful oral experience can merit a sense of pride, closeness and self-satisfaction.

Of course it’s important to demonstrate good basic blow job techniques, for some of these tips you can refer to some other CherryTV articles:

- Blow Job Hand Use

- Deep Throat

- BJ Hand Use (Part 3)

- Tending to the Testicles

Here are a few more techniques that I recommend to bring oral sex to a more intimate and intense level:

Eye Contact

Eye contact is equally important during a first impression and a job interview as it is during oral sex. Some men love this, some don’t care…you don’t really know until you try it. It is generally most effective when his entire penis is in your mouth or you are licking the length of it with some complimentary hand motions. Your gaze shouldn’t necessarily be for a lengthy period of time but just locking eyes between motions or even speeds of your hand and mouth can be really sexy and intimate.

The Full Body Blow Job

Of course it is important to focus on all parts of the package. The best to “other” spots to focus on (in order of importance): behind the knees, top of the feet and behind the ears and neck. The best time to go for any of these extra is when the penis is fully submersed in your mouth, so take a mouthful and run your hands down his legs and to the back of his knees and just trace the line there, go down to his feet, on top of his calves, stop back up at the package for a mini hand job and then repeat. If you want to take a break in between and go to the ear/neck/collar bone area, that is totally allowed and encouraged as long as you aren’t missing from the package for too long.

These erogenous zones will be sure to enhance the entire experience and help you to really connect with your partner and put him over the edge (in a great way of course!)

According to some doctors, 80% of women who believe they have female sexual dysfunction (FSD) can improve their symptoms by addressing their mental and emotional needs. Sexual problems are sometimes due to a lack of education regarding women’s bodies and sexual responses. Also, for many people, facets of FSD, such as vaginismus, inorgasmia, and lack of arousal can be traced back to stress and anxiety. Especially in light of the current economy, it’s no wonder that many women are struggling to ‘get in the mood.’ Though Jamye Waxman’s advice in “Getting in the Mood” may be helpful for some women, not everyone has the time or money to take a long bubble bath or purchase fresh flowers. So, what else can you do? There are obviously (and unfortunately) no simple solutions for relieving all women’s stress. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when your mood is pulling you down into a sexual recession.

Tips for Improving a Sexual Slump:

(1) Be easy on yourself. Many women struggle with believing they have an abnormally low sex drive. This self-perception can bring about even more sexual anxiety, which, in turn, fuels a vicious cycle. So, instead, try to examine your situation without using conceptions of ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy.’ Perhaps you’ll find that a loss of sexual interest isn’t all that alarming considering current life changes and new responsibilities.

(2) Make lists. “Focus on the pleasure” can be frustrating advice when you’ve got a million other things on your mind. Rather than trying to shut down these thoughts, make some lists throughout the day. That way, when it comes time to get down, you can remind yourself that tomorrow’s to-do’s are already lined up to go.

(3) Take care of your body. Healthy diet and exercise can improve your stress levels and self-image, possibly resulting in an increased sex drive. Luckily, there are lots of little things you can do in order to improve your well-being. If possible, ride your bike to take care of errands. If you have to drive, park in the furthest parking spot for an extra walk. Also, try incorporating fresh fruits and vegetables into your daily meals. Never underestimate the role that diet and exercise can play in your emotional and sexual well-being.

Whether or not you find your ‘slump’ to be a cause for distress, you may want to explain your thoughts to your partner. You might also consider speaking with a counselor, therapist, doctor, or other trained professional if the situation feels overwhelming. Just as the economy goes in ebs and flows, so can your sex drive. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of hanging in there.

I recently received a question on the Cherry TV site from a woman who has been faking orgasm while with her boyfriend, but reached the point that she wants to experience it for real. She also mentioned that she doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like — that’s she’s tried masturbating, but hasn’t had any luck. I would like to print my response here because it seems as if this situation is not so unusual.

Firstly, we would suggest getting a vibrator. There are a number of places you can order one online – and no one will know you’ve purchased one. (Babeland.com; Sextoy.com). Most women, we have found, tend to orgasm quite quickly by using a vibrator on or near their clitoris.

Now that you know what it feels like, you can either continue using the vibrator, or switch back to your hand during masturbation recognizing that it may take longer than you originally thought (at least at the beginning!) to reach the point of climax.

Second, and this is a hard one, but if you are able to, talk with your partner about it. If he knows, then together you can work on your orgasm … you can communicate during sex as to what feels good and what isn’t really doing it for you. And I’m sure he would want to know … not only because he cares for you, but because it will certainly make him a better lover long term.

One note, many women aren’t able to orgasm through intercourse, especially those that have only recently begun climaxing. It’s not easy because many positions don’t allow for direct stimulation on your clitoris.

However, climaxing during sex is wonderful, so there are a few methods you can use to obtain this feeling. One, if you are able to climax manually at this time during masturbation, then go ahead and stimulate yourself during sex. Doggie style is great for this, and so is missionary if your legs and his torso are positioned so that you can fit your hand in. A few men will be insulted because of this, but most think it’s really hot. Plus, if your partner knows that climaxing is a problem, he’ll welcome the self-stimulation!

Second, if you aren’t able yet to orgasm from manual stimulation, then you can consider using your vibrator during intercourse. There are also the vibrating cock rings, but they’re a little awkward, because they don’t tend to work when the man is simply thrusting.

Another approach is basic trial and error. By working together with your partner, you can determine what positions enable his pelvic bone to rub against your clitoris. Some popular ones include:

1) You on top, leaning forward, and moving back and forth instead of up and down.

2) Him on top, your legs are around him, and his body is positioned lower than traditionally so that his pelvis hits your clitoris.

3) Him on top, with your legs straight out in between his, so you are basically griping his penis and thrusting so that your clitoris is hitting the base.

Lastly, if you are still not able to have an orgasm during sex – (and don’t feel bad about it!! There’s **so** much to think about during sex, it’s not surprising it’s difficult to relax and climax) and you feel comfortable doing this, you can masturbate with your partner there. A nice way to do this is having him fondle and kiss you while you masturbate so you both are involved. Believe it or not, it’s actually quite fulfilling.

We also have a bunch of videos about this including:

How To Help Him Help You Reach Orgasm
Masturbation Evolution
Masturbation Techniques
Favorite Orgasm Positions
Best Positions For Climaxing