Some men like it hot…but all like it wet. The MOST important foundation to a successful BJ is to get his penis as wet as you possibly can and keep it that way for the duration of the exercise. You can do this with your mouth or use lube if you prefer. If you chose to forgo the lube, you don’t want to directly spit on it, but when you first insert the penis into your mouth try to gather a lot of saliva, this should be your main goal—think slip and slide. At this preliminary stage do not worry about your where your hands are, how you look , or if he likes it…the answer is yes to all!

Once you have the penis well lubricated, you should move on to what I like to call the “V spot” - the indentations on either side of the package. It is best to start from bottom to top and lick from the top (side almost) of the ball sack up to the hip bone. Repeat on other side. Trace the lines you made with your tongue with your thumb and index finger. It is fine to concentrate on one side at a time naturally, but the idea is to be able to give a lubricated massage around the package.

So you should be able to have a pretty good introductory rhythm: hands on either side of the package, entire penis in your mouth from bottom to top, then tongue only from bottom to top.

By now, your man should be relaxed and thoroughly enjoying the situation and the penis should be well lubricated and easy to work with. This is the perfect time to bring your hand into play. Now don’t worry if you don’t think you are good at hand jobs and you had an embarrassing experience in your adolescent past, this isn’t the same as a 2nd base hand job. Grab the penis with your whole hand and start to move it up and down nice and slow. The key to good hand motion during a BJ is to keep your hand flexible, and variety. I like to start at the base of the shaft with my pinkie and then one by one fan each finger around the penis until it is enclosed in my loose fist. As you fan your fingers and close your hand tighter move up the shaft and then come back down with the closed fist. It is important to keep your hand loose and in constant motion coming on and off the penis at different levels.

It is very important not to forget about his balls – and you have a few options. If you want to go ahead and put them in your mouth, go for it….just be careful. It can be like two dogs in a bathtub, as soon as you get one in, the other will normally jump out. Don’t sweat it, this isn’t a key element. As long as you get both balls involved at some point, you should be okay (when you are playing with balls, it is ideal to keep the hand motion on his penis as to create a “full package experience”). Scared to put them in your mouth? Totally understandable. By now the entire area should be pretty wet, so you should be able to cup his balls and gently play with them as you continue with your up and down motion with your hand and mouth.

If possible integrate all of the actions mentioned above during the entire blow job. You should have a good balance of a “v spot” massage, licking the length, totally in your mouth, hand motion and balls. I like to think of it as choreography, you have the steps down, now you just have to create a routine. Good luck and enjoy!!!

And check out these videos for more help: Fellatio Hand Tips, Tending To His Testices

Women of the world, I’m begging you:  Never, EVER fake an orgasm again.

Here’s why.

Exhibit A: You.

How in the world to you expect your partner to know you’re unsatisfied if you fake an orgasm? Nuff said. You’re not doing yourself ANY favors by going all ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on his ass. It’s completely and totally counterproductive.  Sure it can be fun, sure it can give him a little boost in the self-esteem department, but all it’s going to do for you is ENSURE that you’re probably never going to have an ACTUAL orgasm with him. Ever. Which brings me to:

Exhibit B.  Men.

Listen ladies, there’s a fact about our bodies that we have to face. We’re kind of complicated. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the more women out there going apeshit after a couple meager thrusts, the more likely you are to come across a man who thinks that’s all it takes to pleasure a woman. They really BELIEVE it. Trust me, I’ve seen these guys in action.

And you know what? It’s not their fault, it’s OURS.

When we fake orgasms, we’re telling our menfolk that it’s that easy! We’re filling their heads with silly ideas that they will go on believing until they are corrected. And trust me, they will not be corrected easily. How many of you out there have had a man look at you like you’re some kind of alien when you told him you didn’t come? The truth is, he’s not an asshole. His EX is. When you fake it with him and send him on his way, you’re just making it harder for the next gal that crosses his path. It’s a vicious cycle, ladies, and it’s time for it to stop. We shouldn’t have men running around demoralized when their lady needs a hand (or a vibe) to get off, and we DEFINITELY shouldn’t have them running around thinking that their lady isn’t normal when she doesn’t come after three minutes of intercourse.

Exhibit C: The Sisterhood.

It’s time for us to stop letting men believe that their cocks are all-powerful.

It’s time for us to stop letting other women be shamed for needing a little  help to have an orgasm.

It’s time for us to start getting real about getting there.

Now, let’s be fair. Every woman, every vagina, every clitoris and every orgasm is different- and every time two people have sex, they have to figure out each others bodies to get it right. HOWEVER. That’s only part of the reason you might be having trouble with your partner. The rest, in my humble opinion, is this mass conspiracy against women getting off. Who knows when it started, but it’s time for it to stop. Men need to get comfortable with the time it takes to please their lady. Women need to get comfortable with themselves.

Whenever a woman tells me that she’s faked it, there’s one little fact I always make sure to remind her of.

When you fake it, you’re telling yourself and your partner that you don’t have the right to a real orgasm. And that’s just crazy. Sure, you can have great sex without coming. Absolutely. But never should you ever believe that orgasm just isn’t in the cards for you. It is. For all of us.

And listen, I know you’re going to tell me that there are times when faking it works. One night stands, insecure boyfriends, whatever. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. No excuses, ladies. Every fake orgasm makes it that much harder for the rest of us. And for you. It might be a hard habit to break, but you’ll thank yourself when you don’t have to sneak off to the bathroom with your vibrator in the middle of the night so you don’t wake up your husband. And we, the sisterhood, will thank you when your one-night stand comes our way tomorrow.

So for you, for your man, and for all the ladies in the world who think that they can’t come, they shouldn’t come, or that something’s wrong with them if they don’t: Get real, ladies. Don’t fake it.

Watch Video:Faking Orgasm

Watch Video: http:Relationship vs. Casual Sex

Sexual dysfunction, for both men and women, can be embarrassing and confusing. As Dr. Yvonne Fulbright points out in ‘Male Sexual Disorders,’ there are many different types of physical, psychological, and emotional reasons for sexual disorders. Therefore, it may be difficult to pin-point the exact cause or causes of any symptom. (For women, this can be even trickier. After all, many women’s symptoms of sexual dysfunction can be linked to non-physical causes, such as lack of education about the body.) Though it would be impossible to map out an exhaustive list of all causes, this article will expand upon some of the other possible explanations for male sexual disorders.

Medication: Some types of medications, such as anti-depressants, may cause sexual disorders. If you’re having this experience, you may be tempted to immediately flush your pills down the toilet. However, this decision is a lot less logical than it may initially seem. Do not stop medication or reduce doses! This can be extremely harmful to your health. Instead, first talk to your clinician about your symptoms. He or she may be able to find a different type of medication, which will not have the same side-effects on your body.

Medical Conditions: Some medical conditions, such as diabetes and heart disease, may factor into a person’s sexual dysfunction. If this is the case, talk to your doctor to find out if medication or another form of treatment may be an option. (Note: some common medications for erectile dysfunction may be harmful for patients with heart problems. This is just one of the many reasons why it’s important not to get around a prescription by illegally purchasing pills online!)

“Impotence Domino Effect:” This phrase describes the phenomenon of anxiety leading to dysfunction, leading to anxiety, leading to dysfunction, and so on. People experiencing I.D.E. may find it extremely difficult to treat their symptoms, since the actual cause remains a mystery. If you seem to be having this experience, it may be useful to speak to a doctor in conjunction with a counselor or sexual therapist in order to formulate an effective treatment plan.

As Dr. Fulbright says, it’s important to speak to your doctor if you’re experiencing symptoms of a sexual disorder.  However, it may be painful or uncomfortable to bring your questions up. (In a perfect world, your doctor would instantly strip this conversation of any awkwardness. Unfortunately, though, many clinicians have not been specifically trained on how to speak to their patients about their sex lives. Nevertheless, he or she has almost certainly heard similar accounts from other patients in the past. Treating sexual disorders is not uncommon at all.) For your peace of mind, it may be useful to have an idea of how you’ll bring up your concerns before you actually speak to your doctor. You may want to begin by telling your doctor “This is really awkward to talk about in person, but I wanted to find out more about ‘x’” or “I’ve been reading up on ‘y’ a lot lately, and I was wondering if I could tell you about a symptom I’ve been experiencing.” Your doctor will then ask you a series of personal questions concerning your health and sex life. It will be more helpful (and less time-consuming) if you remain as direct as possible. Though seeking treatment can be difficult, take comfort in knowing relief is on its way.

I think that Samantha from SATC said it best in her conversation with Charlotte when she preached, “Honey, you have to test drive the car before you buy it.” This relates to dating, sex and relationships on so many different levels:

Sometimes, a car catches your eye. It may be for just a split second and then you see it up close and you say to yourself, “what was I thinking?!” Other times, you may have some interest and then you read consumer reports, find out what people have to say, or ask your friends opinions before you make the decision whether it’s even worth to take the time to test drive.

Sometimes when you think that the car may be a good fit, you just have to get in the seat, rev it up and enjoy the ride. Hopefully it’s a good ride, and you aren’t disappointed. Sometimes that’s all you need to get it out of your system, or sometimes you go back for more with a higher level of interest. Regardless of whether you want to invest or not, you can hope that you enjoy yourself during the time you are engaged with the vehicle. Usually, you’ll need to test drive on multiple occasions, during different kinds of settings, scenarios and terrain, just to see how the car handles. The before making any serious moves you need to ask yourself questions…

- Do I feel safe?

- Can I trust this car?

- Does this car look good? Is it in good shape?

- Do I look good in this car?

- How is this car going to affect my life/lifestyle?

- Am I going to have a good time and enjoy myself in this car?

- Does it have a lot of miles?

- Will it need a lot of work?

- I wonder what the previous owner was like and how they treated it (if applicable)

Sometimes you won’t know the answers to these questions until you have the opportunity to test drive other cars to see what’s out there. You may realize there is a much better fit for you, or that your first choice was right from the start. Whatever the case may be, there is a lot of trial, experimenting, and thought that goes into buying a car. Hopefully it is an enjoyable experience trying to find that right one…whether it is just a lease or you end up buying.

A lot of people plan to just lease a car because they think that it’s the most comfortable option for them in their current lifestyles. Perhaps that’s true. Or sometimes, they will lease in the beginning and when that period ends, they will take the plunge and buy it right off the lease if they still enjoy it and everything seems to be going well.

Some other people prefer to explore all options and then make an educated decision to commit and buy. While others (who I find to be in the small minority) can just buy it right off the lot without even a test drive! To each their own.

Anyway you look at it, I think that relationships are like car loans, after 5 years you should either own it or trade it in for a new one. Personally, I’ve been leasing a great model with a strong intent to buy…

These days, vibrators are all the rage. In fact, studies have estimated that fifty-percent of Americans own a sex toy. From Tupperware-like gatherings to old-fashioned sex shops to candid online shopping, there are many different ways to get a hold of a vibrator (at least in most states.) And it’s no wonder they’re a hit. Masturbation is one of the most low-risk sexual activities in which a person can partake. Using a vibrator to masturbate is also nearly risk-free. Nevertheless, there are a few important things to keep in mind for a healthy body and planet.

Tips for Healthy Vibrator Use:

Protect Your Body: It’s critical to clean your vibrator after each use. If not, you run the risk of growing germs, which may lead to future bacterial infections. This is especially true if the sex toy is used around the vagina and then the anus, and vice-versa… In this instance, the toy should also be cleaned in between uses in these areas. If you’re sharing your vibrator with another person, it’s also possible to spread STDs back-and-forth. Generally speaking, you can clean toys in a mixture of 10 parts water and 1 part bleach- not the other way around! Refer to your product’s manual for more specific cleaning instructions. Additionally, if you’re inserting a vibrator (with chord) into the vagina, cover it with a condom first. That way, you can pull the condom out rather than yanking on the vibrator’s chord. If the chord is tugged on repeatedly, there’s a chance you may tear the wires, potentially giving yourself more of a shock than you probably bargained for. Though these risks are fairly minimal, it’s always smart to be on the safe side!

Protect Your Planet: To many, sex toys seem like a natural step to take in learning more about one’s body and sexuality. As a result, consumerism within the sex toy industry is often ignored. When you don’t stop to think about vibrators as products, you may not consider the ways that their production and use inevitably affect the environment. Luckily, there are numerous ways to ‘go green’ in the bedroom. Look for rechargeable toys to avoid wasting batteries. If your vibrator does run on batteries, take them out when you store your toy. By leaving them in, you’ll not only run out of juice faster, but also you’ll run the risk of a battery leak. Additionally, you may want to pick out toys made of medical-grade silicone rather than polyvinylchloride (PVC) and phthalates. Some environmentalist groups, such as the Greenpeace, have worried that phthalates (which make PVC plastic flexible) may have harmful effects on the body, particularly in situations involving a great deal of friction. Without human testing, though, this issue is still highly debatable.

In case you’re concerned, there are a few easy ways to tell if your toy is made of phthalates. Check: does it have an overwhelmingly plastic/chemical smell? Is it squishy and flexible? Is it relatively inexpensive? If so, your product may contain phthalates. Some stores have discontinued all products containing this material, just in case. Others do not intend to do so without sufficient evidence. Ask a store employee or search online to find out more information on specific product details.

As you’ve probably heard, a vibrator can be an extremely effective tool for learning more about your body as well as heating up a relationship. So, if you’re digging the vibes, be safe and have fun!

For more information, watch these episodes:
The Buzz on Vibrators
Vibrators 101

When I first learned that all sex positions are derived from five basic ones, I was amazed – and weirdly relieved. I’ve always been totally intimidated by the Karma Sutra and those seemingly endless ways to have intercourse. And, not having a penis, it looked as if some of those positions could be quite painful. Also … back before I learned about the basic five, Nerve had a poster of “101 Positions” and was featuring them daily on their site. I had maybe done four out of the 101 at the time, but believed everyone else was having amazing sex and doing all 101 – in one night! But then to hear they’re all based on five …. phew!

That said I still use only a handful of the many variations. Of course, a lot of it has to do with my partner at the time, what he likes and what works for us together — but as Ducky stresses in the video, good positions are about comfort and the ability for consistent rhythmic thrusting. Add to that my desire to have access to my clitoris so that I can touch myself, and those 101 is reduced to, ah, um, maybe, for me, around 10.

In addition, like Ducky mentions, there are some positions that look sexy in the movies, but are actually difficult and not so comfortable. Standing for example. It can be hot if you/receiver are small and he/giver is big so that he can lift and hold you against the wall. However I’ve never been that small (or light!) and have no idea if it’s comfortable for both or either participant. And while standing can work if you are relatively the same height — it helps to wrap a leg around his pelvis if you are facing each other for deeper penetration. However, standing on one leg gets exhausting!

Same with sitting – which is a variation of girl/receiver on top. I’ve found to get the angle right I often have to use my thigh muscles to position my pelvis, and so it feels like I’m doing squats. Some women like that – I don’t.

Granted, sometimes you have to make do with whatever position is possible at the time – like in an airplane bathroom to join the mile high club or outside on a rocky surface. It’s in those situations where comfort is often abandoned for good old thrusting. And with the basic five to choose from – one will most likely get the job done!

Watch Video: A Guide To Sex Positions

In this video Claire Cavanah from Babeland instructs us on how to attain a G-spot orgasm (referred by Claire as “G-spotting”). The information is extremely helpful and it’s peppered with commentary on the ease and comfort we can experience in the bedroom when we simply let go and accept ourselves, as we are, sexually.

However, before we can have a G-spot orgasm, we need to identify our G-spot. Our video on finding and stimulating the G-spot can be found here.

G-spotting is intense. It’s another extremely pleasurable practice that can be integrated into our sex lives. But if you are unable to experience it, despite Claire’s guidance, do not despair. Like all orgasms, our brain plays a major role in the process and if we’re not able to relax mentally, we most likely won’t be able to relax fully physically.

But hey, there’s always next time!! And armed with techniques and understanding we’re that much closer to achieving and providing full G-spot pleasure.

Watch Video: G-Spot Orgasm

Condoms are the contraceptive many love to hate. Sure, sex may feel different than the sensuality of rubbing skin-on-skin. However, in addition to protecting against pregnancy, condoms are also your best bet to reduce of the risk of STD transmission.

Since our natural juices can come and go during a sex session, adding lube maximizes the in-and-out, ultimately increasing pleasure for you and your partner. Here’s what you need to know about compatibility between condoms and lube:

• Latex condoms can only be used with water-based and silicone-based lube. Never use oil-based lube with latex as it causes these condoms to deteriorate.
• Polyurethane condoms can be used with water-based, silicone-based and oil-based lube. However, oil-based products (like baby oil, vaseline, body lotion, and whipped cream to name a few) can increase the likelihood of getting a vaginal infection.
• Lambskin condoms can be used with water-based, silicone-based and oil-based lube. However, while these condoms are a barrier for sperm, they do not offer any protection against STDs.

A few more words about lube:

• Water-based lube washes off easily and shouldn’t stain your sheets.
• Silicone-based lube lasts longer, and doesn’t wash off with water too easily (for some women, this causes irritation).
• Oil-based lube aren’t a good idea to use at all.
• And finally, as far as lube ingredients, products that don’t contain glycerin and paraben are better for your body.

Watch Video: A Guide to Condoms

It’s interesting…I do have quite a bit of experience with a longer term relationship where talking about exact preferences was never much of an issue. A little awkwardness at first, but I usually got my thoughts out. With him, I reached orgasm almost every single time, not realizing how difficult it usually can be for most women who are not in a seriously committed 3+ year relationship.

Now I have a more typical situation. While I am not someone who sees partners in a purely casual way, I am not in an exclusive relationship where explicit communication feels 100% easy. I have been with my current partner for about two months and we spend time together quite often. I consider myself a very confident person, especially with sex, but I have realized that it is much harder to explain my needs. I still have obstacles to get over, especially with transitioning positions, but I’m really open with guiding my partners hands and using body language. I want to enjoy sex, but I also realize that reaching orgasm is not something that will always happen. That’s ok with me as long as I’m having fun.

I am always open to asking him what he likes and trying to work in a mutual way to have a good time. Sex is about me and him. It should be mutually pleasurable, and fun. I think it’s important to try to communicate with your partner regardless of whether it feels strange at first. Your partner wants you to feel good in the same way you want them to feel good. I also think that with regards to orgasms, if oral sex and manual stimulation work better (it usually does for me!), it’s not the end of the world to not have intercourse every single time we hang out.

Sometimes other forms of stimulation can be just as intimate and personal, so I never feel like I’m not reaching expectations by not having intercourse.

Watch Video:  Let’s Talk About Sex