Watch Video: http:Relationship vs. Casual Sex

Let’s face it: if you’re spending a lot of time with someone, he or she will eventually see you slip up. After all, everyone makes mistakes.

However, if that time you’re spending together involves a whole lot of buck naked shenanigans, you’re probably even more aware that your uneasy moments have potential for torrential awkwardness. Luckily, sexual mistakes do not have to be sexual blunders. No one can do the ‘right thing’ 100% of the time. Yet, you can master the art of recovery, which has been known to transform even the most uncomfortable situations into some of the least memorable moments (or most cherished memories) of a person’s sexual life.

Tips for Flawless Recovery after Awkward Sexual Moments:

(1) Don’t Abandon Humor: As Bill Cosby once said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.” Odds are, this is not in direct reference to a ‘BJ.’ Nevertheless, his advice certainly holds true in the bedroom. Rather than panicking from a mistake, try cracking a joke instead. It shows that you don’t pretend to be perfect which, in turn, may also help your partner to relax.

(2) Remain Confident: If you continue to obsess over a mishap, you’re only making it more obvious to your partner. For many, this can be a total mood killer. So, when faced with an awkward situation, demonstrate your confidence by simply moving on from your mistake. It’s often just as easy as that.

(3) Say Sorry: Though it’s important not to dwell on your mistakes, there are some particular mishaps which cannot go unacknowledged. (Use your judgment to determine if this is the case.) In these instances, the best solution may be a quick verbal apology. This can help to build your partner’s trust, as it provides him or her with the reassurance that you have no intentions to repeat that action again. Not sure what to say? Truly, anything from “Sorry about that!” to “Will you ever forgive me?” can be effective. (Remember to keep tips #1 and #2 in mind.)

Whether it’s an elbow in the face or the infamous ‘queef,’ there is almost always a way to diffuse the awkwardness which inevitably comes with intimacy. Just don’t forget your incredible, resilient charm (and an incredible, understanding partner!)

To find out how our Cherry Dishers have dealt with their own fair-share of awkward moments, check out the following videos:

Uneasy Sexual Moments
Bad Sex
The Notorious Queef

I think that Samantha from SATC said it best in her conversation with Charlotte when she preached, “Honey, you have to test drive the car before you buy it.” This relates to dating, sex and relationships on so many different levels:

Sometimes, a car catches your eye. It may be for just a split second and then you see it up close and you say to yourself, “what was I thinking?!” Other times, you may have some interest and then you read consumer reports, find out what people have to say, or ask your friends opinions before you make the decision whether it’s even worth to take the time to test drive.

Sometimes when you think that the car may be a good fit, you just have to get in the seat, rev it up and enjoy the ride. Hopefully it’s a good ride, and you aren’t disappointed. Sometimes that’s all you need to get it out of your system, or sometimes you go back for more with a higher level of interest. Regardless of whether you want to invest or not, you can hope that you enjoy yourself during the time you are engaged with the vehicle. Usually, you’ll need to test drive on multiple occasions, during different kinds of settings, scenarios and terrain, just to see how the car handles. The before making any serious moves you need to ask yourself questions…

- Do I feel safe?

- Can I trust this car?

- Does this car look good? Is it in good shape?

- Do I look good in this car?

- How is this car going to affect my life/lifestyle?

- Am I going to have a good time and enjoy myself in this car?

- Does it have a lot of miles?

- Will it need a lot of work?

- I wonder what the previous owner was like and how they treated it (if applicable)

Sometimes you won’t know the answers to these questions until you have the opportunity to test drive other cars to see what’s out there. You may realize there is a much better fit for you, or that your first choice was right from the start. Whatever the case may be, there is a lot of trial, experimenting, and thought that goes into buying a car. Hopefully it is an enjoyable experience trying to find that right one…whether it is just a lease or you end up buying.

A lot of people plan to just lease a car because they think that it’s the most comfortable option for them in their current lifestyles. Perhaps that’s true. Or sometimes, they will lease in the beginning and when that period ends, they will take the plunge and buy it right off the lease if they still enjoy it and everything seems to be going well.

Some other people prefer to explore all options and then make an educated decision to commit and buy. While others (who I find to be in the small minority) can just buy it right off the lot without even a test drive! To each their own.

Anyway you look at it, I think that relationships are like car loans, after 5 years you should either own it or trade it in for a new one. Personally, I’ve been leasing a great model with a strong intent to buy…

Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, through cunnilingus, it seems that the majority of women are able to hit the ‘Big O.’ This may not come as a shocking surprise. After all, the clitoris receives much more attention during oral sex. With 8,000 nerve fibers, this extraordinary organ has tremendous potential for sexual pleasure. So, here’s a few tips for success on your oral.

Tips for Giving Good Cunnilingus

Communication: Talking to your partner and taking constructive criticism can be some of the most difficult aspects of a sexual relationship. Yet, communication (of some sort or another) is vital to ensure both partners’ pleasure. For specific communication tips, check out our past article on sexual communication.

Warm-up: Begin by stimulating other erogenous zones, besides the clitoris. Lick, touch, and nibble on body parts such as the lips, ears, inner arms, anus, neck, clavicle, and nipples. (Not everyone’s erogenous zones are located at the exact same locations. It may take time and experimentation to find the spots that feel best.) Why is foreplay important? This type of stimulation can result in considerable blood flow to the genitals, which most women find to be a crucial first step for good oral sex. Stimulation of the erogenous zones also increases lubrication, which helps to protect the clitoris from irritation.

Different Techniques: There are many different variations of oral sex, which can be accomplished by switching up various pressures and patterns. Try everything from light licking to sucking. (Ask your partner for advice!) In regards to patterns, a popular trick is to use the tongue to spell out the alphabet over the clitoris. This technique provides many different types of shapes and sensations. Also, experiment with incorporating vaginal and/or anal penetration. You can use your fingers or sex toys.

Over-stimulation? If your partner complains that her clitoris feels too sensitive or painful, you’ll need to immediately readjust. She’s likely experiencing over-stimulation. If you had previously been holding the clitoral hood up to lick, this may be part of the problem. Though this technique is often effective in ‘small doses,’ many women complain that it can become overwhelming. You may also want to try pausing in between licks as well as reducing the pressure of your tongue. However, if your partner asks you to stop, quit! Take it as a learning-lesson, and, if you’re both interested, try again another time.

Tips for Receiving Good Cunnilingus

Position yourself: Feeling relaxed is critical for most women to be able to clear their minds and, consequently, reach orgasm. (Much of a woman’s orgasm is dependent on her mental state. In fact, some women have reported reaching orgasm with no physical touch at all!) So, test out different positions to find what’s most comfortable for your body, keeping in mind that the position may have to be maintained for an extended period of time. Popular positions include laying flat on the back with legs bent; sitting on a bed or chair; and squatting on all fours above the partner’s face in the ‘69’ position. For more details on ‘69’, see our past article on this position.

Take matters into your own hands: Whether you don’t have a partner or you simply want to get to know your body better, there are ways to simulate the feeling of oral sex on yourself. One method is to use a ‘tongue’ sex-toy. These little gadgets have a similar texture to the human tongue. They also operate with lapping motions, rather than vibrations. To find one, search online or in select stores.

For more information on cunnilingus, check out the following videos:

Tongue Use On Us During Cunnilingus
Bad Cunnilingus from a Woman
Climaxing from Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus Positioning

The deep throat is not necessary for all BJs, although it is important to keep in your bag of tricks. It is like having a really bold lip gloss color…you aren’t going to wear it everyday, but you should be prepared if a special occasion or whim arises…

A lot of women say, “Oh no, I choke and gag…I can’t do it.” Well, that may be because they aren’t doing it the right way. Some women will try to shove the penis down the back of their throat…that is why they gag. Now for those of us that may be blessed enough to be born sans gag reflex, this is fine. For the rest of us, the trick is back and up. There is a space between the top of your pallet and where the roof of your mouth meets the uvula. It’s soft and feels a little spongy, test it with your finger first to make sure you know the spot. That is the target for the tip of the penis. When the penis goes into the back of your mouth, guide it up in that spot and you can even apply some pressure to it by pushing down on the head a little. This pressure will usually feel like you are swallowing it whole, which is generally most desirable for your partner.

It is very challenging to give a deep throat only blow job….nearly impossible I think. You need to throw some other things into the mix like hand motions, ball-cupping and tongue massaging to switch it up!

We know it isn’t easy, but that’s why it’s called a job…

Check out our videos on this topic: Deep Throat Techniques,  Help With Deep Throat, How To Give Great Deep Throat

The Sponge is back!!! It’s my favorite form of birth control, and after a few long hiatuses, it’s returned to store shelves.

What is it about the sponge that makes it so appealing? First, it is a barrier form of birth control, (check out this video to learn about barrier birth control) so it doesn’t affect our hormones during use.

Second, it is easy to get unlike other female barrier methods that require a doctor’s prescription, the sponge is available at drug stores or for order online here.

Third, once it’s in, it’s good for 24 hours. You can have intercourse as many or as few times as you want during that 24-hour period. However, it does need to stay in place for at least six hours after last intercourse – and while 24 hours is optimum, it is safe to leave in for 30 hours at most.

Granted, like everything in life, it is not perfect.

They are not cheap. I’ve seen them on sale for about $3.00 per, the link above is selling them for a little over $4.50 each.

It takes a little practice getting them out. The first time I used one, I sweated for about 10 minutes trying to grab the ring that pulls it out. I eventually got it by squatting and pushing really hard … like I was giving birth. What a relief!!! As it turned out, the ring was on the wrong side due to my rookie error.

Also, and this didn’t happen to me but to a friend of mine, due to the spermicide it contains, foam oozed out of her vagina during sex. Talk about awkward! Good thing it didn’t happen to her during oral sex. Eeek!

In addition, the spermicide it contains is nonoxynol 9 which, for some people, irritates the vagina. Once the vagina is irritated, we are more susceptible to STDs transmitted from an infected partner.

Since the sponge doesn’t protect from any STD, it’s best to use only with partners that have recently been tested. And, as Elaine so famously said on the Seinfeld episode where she hoarded Sponges that were off the market – you may want to only use it with men who are “sponge worthy.”

It’s no new breakthrough that communication can improve sex lives.  However, it’s not always easier said than done, as the saying goes.  Many people feel uneasy speaking about sex with their partners for a variety of reasons.  Some simply want to avoid hurting their loved ones’ feelings.  Others feel awkward taking the more demanding role within the relationship.  For whatever reason, it’s totally common to struggle with sexual communication.  Even our Cherry Dishers, who normally have no problem kissing and telling, sometimes find themselves speechless in the bedroom.  Luckily, a little communication can go a long way.  Here’s a few tips for incorporating positive sexual communication into your relationship.

How-To Improve Your Sexual Communication

(1) Integrate the yes/no’s.  Sexual communication doesn’t have to mean giving drawn-out, convoluted speeches.  Certainly, if you and your partner feel comfortable getting into the nitty-gritty details, go for it!  However, if this doesn’t seem like a viable option, look for yes-or-no answers.  For instance, ask questions such as “Does this feel good?”  “Would you like it harder/softer?” and so on.  This will help take the pressure off your partner and may encourage him or her to take a similar approach when it’s your turn.

(2) Use constructive criticism.  As discussed in this episode, it’s very important how you approach talking about what you want from your partner.  There’s a major difference between saying “This really sucks!” and “That other thing felt really good.”   In order to prevent bruising your partner’s ego, remember to keep his or her feelings in mind.  It’s almost always more effective to incorporate a few compliments in with your suggestions than to immediately attack another person’s performance.

(3) Don’t pretend to be a mind reader.  Many people think there’s no need to ask questions.  Perhaps they’ve read every self-help book on the market, or maybe they’ve been with enough men or women to believe they’ve reached expertise status.  Even still, every partner has different desires.  Not only that, but people’s likes and dislikes often fluctuate throughout a relationship.  Don’t suppose you know it all.  You know what they say about assuming…

(4) If you say ‘no’ to really mean ‘yes,’ designate a safe word first.  Generally speaking, when a person says no, it really means no.  This word is you or your partner’s cue to back off.  Seriously.   However, some couples, especially those engaging in S&M, may say ‘no’ as part of a game in their sexual play.  If this is the case, it can be helpful to first designate a safe word that will signal you or your partner to immediately quit whatever’s going on.  This word should be something completely unrelated, such as ‘unicorn,’ that’s decided upon by both individuals before things get heated up.  That way, there will be no confusion about when to stop.

If you normally never talk, it may be helpful to begin with very basic communication techniques (such as placing your partner’s hand where you want it) and then slowly working your way up to more detailed, verbal instructions.  Sexual communication can be tricky; yet, for many, it’s something worth working on.  After all, it can lead to increased intimacy even outside of the bedroom.  So, don’t hold back- speak your mind (but don’t forget to be a good listener, too!)

Spanking during sex is like ordering onion rings with your burger…you can’t do it all the time, you need to be in the mood, it’s not necessarily traditional, it’s not for everyone, however, for the right person at the right time, it definitely hits the spot.

A lot of women enjoy being the spanked, especially when doing it doggy-style. There is something about that second of hand on skin contact that can be so primal and hot. Often the first spank can happen accidentally or in the heat of the moment, while other times your partner may be more intentional with it. Either way, it is best for the first contact to happen after a few minutes of penetration after a rhythm and mood is established. The best technique is if he switches areas or butt cheeks and mixes the slapping in with some rubbing to smooth out the initial pain. This is a great time to bring some dirty talk into the mix to tell your partner if you want more, how hard, and how you like it. Bringing in the verbal communication helps your partner understand what you like and how to please you.

On average, men tend to be more of the spankers while women tend to me more of the grabbers. A great grabbing position is on your back, sometimes with one leg over his shoulder and grabbing his ass for more control over the penetration. This technique seems to be a win-win because on the bottom you can still have control and can target your G-spot, and he can get deeper inside you.

In today’s episode, the ladies dish out their experiences with the ‘elusive’ G-spot.  Stimulation to this area of the body has been reported to cause intense, often multi-orgasmic sensations.  Yet, for some women, the G-spot still seems like more of a mystery than a reality.  For those still looking, here’s a guide to help you ‘hit the spot’ on your own or with a partner…
How to Find Your G-Spot:

(1) Get in the mood. The G-spot is normally only about the size of a pea but, with sexual arousal, can swell to the size of a walnut.  This increase in size can obviously make your search much easier!

(2) Feel for texture. Some people describe the tissue around the G-spot as rubbery.  Others describe the surface as crinkly.  The location of the G-spot varies slightly between women, so don’t get frustrated if it takes a while to find.

(3) Once you feel the tissue, apply pressure.  The G-spot is located within the vaginal wall, not outside of it.  Therefore, you may need firm, steady pressure to get it stimulated.  (The ‘come hither’ motion described in this video can be a really helpful technique.  To do this, insert a finger or two into the vagina and then curve upwards towards your belly button.)

(4) If you find the sudden urge to pee, bravo, you’ve likely hit it! (Just so you know, stimulation of the G-spot actually leads some women to release a fluid, called ‘female ejaculation,’ which is not urine.  If you still find it embarrassing or uncomfortable, try putting some towels beneath yourself beforehand.)

Though manual stimulation can be the easiest way for a woman to find her G-spot, it certainly isn’t the only way to hit it.  The G-spot can also be stimulated during intercourse, though some positions may be much more useful than others.  For instance, ‘doggy-style’ has been reported to be helpful for achieving the right angle.  Another position to try is a standing position. The woman stands at a dresser or table with her elbows on the surface. The man enters from behind and together they experiment with various types of thrusting and positioning to figure out the best angle and depth of penetration to use so that his penis hits her G-spot. However, this position won’t work for everyone because the height differential is a certainly a factor.

Sex toys can also be a useful way to hit the G-spot, especially since some women find the hand-angle uncomfortable to maintain during masturbation.  Check out some of our past episodes to learn about toys specifically designed to hit the G-spot:

G-Spot Basics
G-Spot Orgasm

When embarking on your G-spot search, keep in mind that not every women gets pleasure from this type of stimulation.  Some women who find the G-spot report feeling nothing.  Others find the sensation uncomfortable.  If it’s not working for you, let it be.  This does not make you dysfunctional!  No matter what, try to enjoy the time you take getting to know your body better.  Who knows?  You might even find some other great surprises along the way!

Phone porn. Dirty emails. Sex hotlines. Web cams. Internet dating. It’s no wonder our Cherry Dishers have gone virtual! More than ever, communication technology is being used for the initiation and upkeep of romance. And with this ‘digitalization’ of romance have come many changes… Long-distance relationships have suddenly become much closer. And, rather than spending years looking in all the wrong places, people are simply clicking their way to EHarmony. Even as a girl who used to consider herself ‘too 90s’ for virtual love, I find myself increasingly putting work aside to watch who’s breaking and making up on the Facebook newsfeed. This leads me to wonder, “Is this just the way it is now?” Luckily, as “Phone and Text Sex” points out, many women are openly embracing the perks of going digital. After all, digital dirtiness can be a great way to spice up an existing romance or spark up a new one! Here are some quick tips for those still feeling a bit technologically challenged…

A ‘How-To’ Guide to Digital Romance:

(1) If you’re going to talk dirty, check who you’re sending to! Though she may be somewhat amused, Grandma probably doesn’t want to know all the nasty things you plan on doing when you get home from work. Neither does your boss. You get the point. Double check before sending any messages, especially if you’re quickly texting!

(2) If you’re having a bit of ‘writer’s block,’ look around and get creative. Digital dirty talk doesn’t have to be totally original… It doesn’t have to be straight smut, either, although that arguably has its place. If you’re struggling to find the right words, take a step back and look for inspiration. Have a favorite song? Type out part of the lyrics. Getting Chinese food for lunch? Send the message from your fortune cookie and follow it up with the phrase ‘in bed.’ Your partner doesn’t have to know you added a few words!

(3) If you don’t know the person… you don’t know the person! The internet can be a great resource for meeting new people. However, if you’ve ever made an online profile, you know how easy it is to throw in a whole load of bull, let alone a few white lies. Talking to strangers isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yet, it’s always wise to take certain precautions online. Though they may seem obvious, reading over safety tips can help keep you in check, even when dealing with the smoothest of charmers. Check out: Safely-Meet-a-Guy-Through-Internet-Dating for a few pointers.

Well, ladies, welcome to the decade! Though digital romance isn’t for everyone, it’s becoming an increasingly acceptable form of fooling around. Just remember:  be safe and have fun!

Watch Video: http://www.cherrytv.com/video/phone-sex-and-digital-dirty-talk