Do you “Pull Out” during sex?

I’ve been spending way too much time thinking about hormonal birth control.

The more I think about it, the more weirded out I get about pumping my body full of synthetic lady-juices. Wouldn’t it be so nice to just let nature run its course?  But we all know what nature intends to happen 9 months later, and I am in no way signing up for that.

“What about if I just pull out?” wonders my condom-hating, sex-loving boyfriend, who, to his credit, handles my birth-control-fueled rages and sob-fests better than I ever could have expected. “You can trust me,” he pleads.

The interesting thing about pulling out, otherwise known as withdrawal before ejaculation, is about as reliable as a condom—both when used perfectly and when used what researchers call “typically”. Used perfectly, about 2% of couples will still get pregnant with a condom. Used perfectly, about 4% of couples who pull out will find themselves knocked up, according to a June 2009 study.

But when used “typically”—i.e., the condom slips, breaks, you forget it until halfway to orgasm, he doesn’t quite pull out quickly enough, he climaxes outside but just barely—condoms and withdrawal have 17% and 18% failure rates, respectively. I was willing to take my risks with just a condom, but “Trust me” has never been a viable form of birth control in my book. What happens on the night we’ve had a few too many drinks, or it just feels too good to stop, or orgasm sneaks up on us. There are a few too many “what ifs” to simply trust our bodies. But should I trust the science?

What do you think? Do you use the withdrawal method? How does it work for you?

Today’s video is about condoms coming off during sex – whether it’s when thrusting or pulling out — and how best to handle it. The women tell their stories, and talk about how scary it is.

If it ever happens to you, what you should do is go to the bathroom, get in the tub, squat and try to pee. If it does not come out, stick your finger in your vagina, just a tiny way in and see if you can feel the condom. If you do, use two finger to clasp it and pull it out.

Be careful though – you don’t want to put your finger in too far, you may accidentally push the condom farther up. 
If you can’t get it out on your own, you will need to go to the doctor. But don’t be embarrassed! It happens often and doctors are totally used to dealing with condoms, and other objects, stuck in vaginas.

Here’s a great link for more stories and information.
Teen Expert - Lost Condom

And to watch this video:
Missing In Action Condoms

Sex can be messy and awkward – and one of the activities that can cause one or both parties to be uncomfortable is fellatio. Here we gathered six issues that can arise while going down on a guy. And if you thought they only happened to you – think again…

Issue 1: We’ve Got Dry mouth.
We’ve always heard “the wetter the better,” yet we just can’t seem to get the saliva flowing. We try spitting, either directly on his penis, or in our hard, and we see him flinch. We’re tempted to add lube, but we know it tastes horrid. We take a gulp of water, but the wetness doesn’t last. We proceed regardless, despite the fact that it’s like sucking on sandpaper.

Suggestions: Having flavored lube on hand is key. It tastes okay, and makes his penis nice and slippery. But if lube is not available, we can use cooking oil. We can also pass on giving the blowjob.

Issue 2: He isn’t getting hard, or hard enough.
There we are sucking away, using every trick we know and he just is not responding. Is it us? Why isn’t he turned on?

Suggestions: If he’s not responding – it is not our fault!! There are endless reasons why he may not be getting hard, and it’s most likely psychological, having nothing to do with us. Just like sometimes we don’t get very wet despite our desiring sex, for men there’s even more pressure to always be able to perform.

When he doesn’t get hard or hard enough it’s best to focus on areas other than his penis. Kissing, massage, even just touching each other all over and talking can sometimes enable his mind to quiet down, and allow his body to heat up.

Here the women discuss:
Issue 3: It is taking too long.
We’ve been down there for what seems like forever (5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes?), yet he has still not climaxed. Is it because we’re bad at it?!?!? We’re tempted to stop, but we don’t want to cause “blue balls” or give the impression that we can’t handle it. But our mouth, jaw and knees can’t last much longer.

Suggestions: We are not obligated to continue performing fellatio until he climaxes. For many couples it’s a precursor to intercourse. Yet, if we want to take it all the way through we can always take a break and use our hand – or have him use his own hand. We can switch positions –- making sure his penis continues to be stimulated during the reconfigure. Also, we can tell him we are getting tired – he may have been holding back and can actually finish soon.

And if we do need to stop – he can handle it. It may be that he is unable to orgasm during the session – again, most likely for psychological reasons. If orgasm is on the horizon, he can get himself off, or he can deal with “blue balls” — an experience that sounds incredibly painful, but actually, it’s a feeling men know well.

Issue 4: Our teeth got in the way.
There we are, giving a blowjob and suddenly we realize that our focus is off and we’ve accidently hit his penis with our teeth. Eek!

Suggestion: It’s happened to all of us, and it’s happened to him before too. We shouldn’t worry about it and we should just move on.

Issue 5: His semen tastes bad.
We are all prepared to swallow, yet his semen tastes particularly unpleasant. We want to spit – but where?

Suggestion: If his semen tastes bad, we can always remove our mouth and use our hand to finish him off. Or, instead of swallowing, we can let his semen dribble back down onto his penis. If we breath through our mouth, instead of our nose while performing this act, we won’t have to taste the jizz.

Issue 6: We gag, repeatedly.
We’re attempting deep throat and we gag. This, we find, totally embarrassing because it shows we are not very experienced at it. We try again, and gag again. Where to go from there?

Suggestion: Positioning is key when deep throating. If we can position ourself so that he is standing above us – like dangling our head off the side of the bed – it becomes a lot easier. Also, if we start to perform deep throat, we don’t have to continue doing it consistently. Some women will throw in a deep throat stroke every now and again while performing a standard blowjob.

We have a lot of great videos on fellatio and real-life experiences. Here are a few of the goodies …
Jump Starting His Penis
How To Give Great Oral Sex
Advice On Fellatio Positioning
To Spit Or Swallow
Fellatio Tips

Little Cherry,

I’m really concerned right now. I had unprotected sex with a guy I just met this past weekend, which is really unusual for me. I’m getting really nervous that I might have gotten pregnant. Some of my friends told me about the “Morning After Pill,” but it’s already been three days. Plus, if I did already get pregnant, I don’t want to abort the baby. Help me- PLEASE!!!

-Prego?

Prego?,

Alright, let’s start breaking this down, starting with the pregnancy issue. The “morning after pill” (also known as “emergency contraception” or “EC”) can be effective for preventing pregnancy up to five days after unprotected intercourse. [The sooner you take it, the more likely it will be effective.] Most forms of EC actually contain the same hormones that are found in birth control pills- just in higher dosages. They can work by preventing ovulation (when the egg gets released) or fertilization (when the egg and sperm meet), which in turn prevents the pregnancy from occurring. Certainly, there have been many ethical debates about whether or not EC should be considered a form of abortion. However, I can say from a legal and medical perspective that EC is not considered to be an “abortion drug” of any kind. So, hypothetically, if you were already pregnant, taking EC right now should not have an effect on your pregnancy. Whether or not you decide to go this route is totally up to you, though.

In regards to the other risks that come with unprotected sex, you may want to consider getting tested for STDs (even if you’re not showing any symptoms.) I’d recommend calling your clinician ahead of time to see how long he/she wants you to wait before coming in for testing. After all, some STDs will not show up on a test in the first week or two.

I hope that this helped to clear things up a bit. Best of luck with your decisions!

Keep asking questions,
Little Cherry!

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

Little Cherry,

My girlfriend and I have been having some major relationship problems lately… Well, I guess most of the problems are actually mine. This is my first lesbian relationship… Although I’m crazy about my partner, I freeze up in bed and can’t become aroused. (This seems to be a combo of mental and physical problems.) I was wondering if there was some type of female Viagra out there that could help fix my arousal problem.

-Med-Head

Dear Med Head,

Nope, no female Viagra… At least not yet. Though many pharmaceutical meetings have been held to promote a future ‘Pink Viagra,’ clinical studies have nevertheless proven that sildenafil (a.k.a. Viagra) has no significant effect on female sexual arousal disorder for most women. How could this be? As you may know, some major differences generally exist between male and female sexual responses. For instance, research suggests that while men’s excitement seems to correlate with penile engorgement, women’s desire does not necessarily match up with their physiological excitement. Therefore, your arousal issue may have nothing to do with your blood flow ‘down there.’ [You really should be checked out by a physician to rule this out, though. It’s a critical first step in treating any sexual dysfunction!]

So, what’s a girl to do? Some doctors believe that the vast majority of women can relieve their sexual problems through education about female sexuality and sexual response. Unfortunately, many people’s sexual education only comes from high school sex-ed, which (if you had a program like mine) somehow finds a way to mysteriously omit the clit from female anatomical diagrams. For this reason, it may be beneficial for you to seek out other sources of information, whether through books, articles, forums, conversations, websites, counselors, doctors- you name it! [Might I recommend our video ‘Do I have a Disorder?’] Just make sure to use your best judgment in regards to the quality of info you’re getting throughout your search.

One more thought: do you think you may be having anxiety or confusion due to being in your first lesbian relationship? If so, this can certainly play a role in your arousal problems. Because we live in a society which constantly bombards us with images of ‘proper’ sexuality (i.e. guy/girl; same race; unrealistic bodies; blah, blah, blah), it’s easy to feel shame and guilt about deviating from the supposed norm. Talking your feelings out with your partner or another confidante might be helpful. A sex counselor or therapist could also have some useful suggestions for you, if you decide to take that route.

Best of luck (and keep asking questions),
Little Cherry

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

So, aside from getting “Losing My Religion” stuck in my head, here’s what this weeks video “Losing His Erection” got me thinking about.

Generally, unless it’s an emotional problem or the whiskey has disabled more than his dick, my protocol for a lost erection is more or less the same as what I do in cases of early ejaculation. It’s a bummer, but it’s not going to keep me from my big moment. So warm up your hands or massage your jaw, because it’s downtown you go, mister.

Now, most of the time, this is an easy process to get going. Most guys aim to please, and often, they go at it without asking. If they need prompting, usually all it takes is for me to start masturbating, and they are all too eager to lend a helping hand. If all else fails, I just ask. Once again, unless the problem is emotional or emotionally damaging (or the dude has passed out already) this method is about 99.9% effective.

And for your entertainment, I present one of the .01% of trials that failed.

So, this guy I was seeing (many moons before all this wisdom kicked in) had some issues when it came to doin’ the nasty. He was great at it when all the conditions were right, but let’s just say…Mr Man had a lot of conditions. Not to mention, he had a bit of a selfish streak that he explained away with tales of deep insecurities, all of which magically evaporated when I was sucking his dick. Anyway.

One night, I decided to do something cute and sexy to get him in the mood, so I got gussied up and put on his favorite dress of mine- a shiny, minuscule, skintight little number that I bought for the express purpose of having dirty, dirty sex. The first time I put it on, Mr. Man was on top of me before I could bat an eyelash.

So I make my grand entrance and I purr:

“So, I was clearing out my closet, and I just couldn’t decide weather I should keep this dress. What do you think?”

Not exactly my best work, but I thought it would do the trick.

And yet. Instead of engaging in some sexy repartee or immediately throwing me down on the bed, Mr. Man announces that it’s hot and I should keep it, but immediately returns his gaze to the computer screen and starts typing away.

OUCH.

Secretly defeated but mostly still intact, I shimmy back into the bedroom and sit down on the bed to take off my shoes. Evidently struck with the feeling that this may not have been the response I was looking for, Mr. Man enters the bedroom and stares at me.

“Why did you put on that dress?”

He DEIGNS to ask.

Annoyed but still horny, I tell him. So, BEGRUDGINGY, Mr. Man finally starts to fool around with me….for about 30 seconds…before he goes in for the blowjob.

So I roll with it. Dejected and confounded as I am, I haven’t given up hope. And, because our prior sexual encounters made it necessary for him to do so, he reassures me that he will, indeed, be fucking me after this blowjob.

Lo and behold. Ten minutes of cocksucking and about 45 seconds of a tit-fuck later, my chest is covered and semen, and not so much as a gosh-darned finger inside me.

At this point, he begins apologizing and whining, apologizing and whining, and instead of going for my natural response, ANGER, I decide to play it cool. After all, by now? I would pretty much do anything in my power to have an orgasm, despite the colossal MESS that this night had been so far. Time for the old 1-2. I open the drawer in my bedside table and pull out my vibrator.

In the 5.2 seconds it took me to do this, Mr. Man ACTUALLY goes ahead…and TURNS HIS BACK TO GO TO SLEEP.

Blinded with rage and confusion and arousal and impatience and everything in between, I turn him over and say:

“HEY! Maybe you could give me a hand here?”

Can you guess what he said? Guess! Really. You don’t know? Well, here it is.

“Oh…well…I guess…if you really WANT me to.”

Aaaaaaand then my head exploded.

The end.

To view videos about this topics, check out:

Male Sexual Disorders

Losing His Erection

Drunk and Impotent

According to some doctors, 80% of women who believe they have female sexual dysfunction (FSD) can improve their symptoms by addressing their mental and emotional needs. Sexual problems are sometimes due to a lack of education regarding women’s bodies and sexual responses. Also, for many people, facets of FSD, such as vaginismus, inorgasmia, and lack of arousal can be traced back to stress and anxiety. Especially in light of the current economy, it’s no wonder that many women are struggling to ‘get in the mood.’ Though Jamye Waxman’s advice in “Getting in the Mood” may be helpful for some women, not everyone has the time or money to take a long bubble bath or purchase fresh flowers. So, what else can you do? There are obviously (and unfortunately) no simple solutions for relieving all women’s stress. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when your mood is pulling you down into a sexual recession.

Tips for Improving a Sexual Slump:

(1) Be easy on yourself. Many women struggle with believing they have an abnormally low sex drive. This self-perception can bring about even more sexual anxiety, which, in turn, fuels a vicious cycle. So, instead, try to examine your situation without using conceptions of ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy.’ Perhaps you’ll find that a loss of sexual interest isn’t all that alarming considering current life changes and new responsibilities.

(2) Make lists. “Focus on the pleasure” can be frustrating advice when you’ve got a million other things on your mind. Rather than trying to shut down these thoughts, make some lists throughout the day. That way, when it comes time to get down, you can remind yourself that tomorrow’s to-do’s are already lined up to go.

(3) Take care of your body. Healthy diet and exercise can improve your stress levels and self-image, possibly resulting in an increased sex drive. Luckily, there are lots of little things you can do in order to improve your well-being. If possible, ride your bike to take care of errands. If you have to drive, park in the furthest parking spot for an extra walk. Also, try incorporating fresh fruits and vegetables into your daily meals. Never underestimate the role that diet and exercise can play in your emotional and sexual well-being.

Whether or not you find your ‘slump’ to be a cause for distress, you may want to explain your thoughts to your partner. You might also consider speaking with a counselor, therapist, doctor, or other trained professional if the situation feels overwhelming. Just as the economy goes in ebs and flows, so can your sex drive. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of hanging in there.

Let’s face it: if you’re spending a lot of time with someone, he or she will eventually see you slip up. After all, everyone makes mistakes.

However, if that time you’re spending together involves a whole lot of buck naked shenanigans, you’re probably even more aware that your uneasy moments have potential for torrential awkwardness. Luckily, sexual mistakes do not have to be sexual blunders. No one can do the ‘right thing’ 100% of the time. Yet, you can master the art of recovery, which has been known to transform even the most uncomfortable situations into some of the least memorable moments (or most cherished memories) of a person’s sexual life.

Tips for Flawless Recovery after Awkward Sexual Moments:

(1) Don’t Abandon Humor: As Bill Cosby once said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.” Odds are, this is not in direct reference to a ‘BJ.’ Nevertheless, his advice certainly holds true in the bedroom. Rather than panicking from a mistake, try cracking a joke instead. It shows that you don’t pretend to be perfect which, in turn, may also help your partner to relax.

(2) Remain Confident: If you continue to obsess over a mishap, you’re only making it more obvious to your partner. For many, this can be a total mood killer. So, when faced with an awkward situation, demonstrate your confidence by simply moving on from your mistake. It’s often just as easy as that.

(3) Say Sorry: Though it’s important not to dwell on your mistakes, there are some particular mishaps which cannot go unacknowledged. (Use your judgment to determine if this is the case.) In these instances, the best solution may be a quick verbal apology. This can help to build your partner’s trust, as it provides him or her with the reassurance that you have no intentions to repeat that action again. Not sure what to say? Truly, anything from “Sorry about that!” to “Will you ever forgive me?” can be effective. (Remember to keep tips #1 and #2 in mind.)

Whether it’s an elbow in the face or the infamous ‘queef,’ there is almost always a way to diffuse the awkwardness which inevitably comes with intimacy. Just don’t forget your incredible, resilient charm (and an incredible, understanding partner!)

To find out how our Cherry Dishers have dealt with their own fair-share of awkward moments, check out the following videos:

Uneasy Sexual Moments
Bad Sex
The Notorious Queef

Sexual dysfunction, for both men and women, can be embarrassing and confusing. As Dr. Yvonne Fulbright points out in ‘Male Sexual Disorders,’ there are many different types of physical, psychological, and emotional reasons for sexual disorders. Therefore, it may be difficult to pin-point the exact cause or causes of any symptom. (For women, this can be even trickier. After all, many women’s symptoms of sexual dysfunction can be linked to non-physical causes, such as lack of education about the body.) Though it would be impossible to map out an exhaustive list of all causes, this article will expand upon some of the other possible explanations for male sexual disorders.

Medication: Some types of medications, such as anti-depressants, may cause sexual disorders. If you’re having this experience, you may be tempted to immediately flush your pills down the toilet. However, this decision is a lot less logical than it may initially seem. Do not stop medication or reduce doses! This can be extremely harmful to your health. Instead, first talk to your clinician about your symptoms. He or she may be able to find a different type of medication, which will not have the same side-effects on your body.

Medical Conditions: Some medical conditions, such as diabetes and heart disease, may factor into a person’s sexual dysfunction. If this is the case, talk to your doctor to find out if medication or another form of treatment may be an option. (Note: some common medications for erectile dysfunction may be harmful for patients with heart problems. This is just one of the many reasons why it’s important not to get around a prescription by illegally purchasing pills online!)

“Impotence Domino Effect:” This phrase describes the phenomenon of anxiety leading to dysfunction, leading to anxiety, leading to dysfunction, and so on. People experiencing I.D.E. may find it extremely difficult to treat their symptoms, since the actual cause remains a mystery. If you seem to be having this experience, it may be useful to speak to a doctor in conjunction with a counselor or sexual therapist in order to formulate an effective treatment plan.

As Dr. Fulbright says, it’s important to speak to your doctor if you’re experiencing symptoms of a sexual disorder.  However, it may be painful or uncomfortable to bring your questions up. (In a perfect world, your doctor would instantly strip this conversation of any awkwardness. Unfortunately, though, many clinicians have not been specifically trained on how to speak to their patients about their sex lives. Nevertheless, he or she has almost certainly heard similar accounts from other patients in the past. Treating sexual disorders is not uncommon at all.) For your peace of mind, it may be useful to have an idea of how you’ll bring up your concerns before you actually speak to your doctor. You may want to begin by telling your doctor “This is really awkward to talk about in person, but I wanted to find out more about ‘x’” or “I’ve been reading up on ‘y’ a lot lately, and I was wondering if I could tell you about a symptom I’ve been experiencing.” Your doctor will then ask you a series of personal questions concerning your health and sex life. It will be more helpful (and less time-consuming) if you remain as direct as possible. Though seeking treatment can be difficult, take comfort in knowing relief is on its way.

Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, through cunnilingus, it seems that the majority of women are able to hit the ‘Big O.’ This may not come as a shocking surprise. After all, the clitoris receives much more attention during oral sex. With 8,000 nerve fibers, this extraordinary organ has tremendous potential for sexual pleasure. So, here’s a few tips for success on your oral.

Tips for Giving Good Cunnilingus

Communication: Talking to your partner and taking constructive criticism can be some of the most difficult aspects of a sexual relationship. Yet, communication (of some sort or another) is vital to ensure both partners’ pleasure. For specific communication tips, check out our past article on sexual communication.

Warm-up: Begin by stimulating other erogenous zones, besides the clitoris. Lick, touch, and nibble on body parts such as the lips, ears, inner arms, anus, neck, clavicle, and nipples. (Not everyone’s erogenous zones are located at the exact same locations. It may take time and experimentation to find the spots that feel best.) Why is foreplay important? This type of stimulation can result in considerable blood flow to the genitals, which most women find to be a crucial first step for good oral sex. Stimulation of the erogenous zones also increases lubrication, which helps to protect the clitoris from irritation.

Different Techniques: There are many different variations of oral sex, which can be accomplished by switching up various pressures and patterns. Try everything from light licking to sucking. (Ask your partner for advice!) In regards to patterns, a popular trick is to use the tongue to spell out the alphabet over the clitoris. This technique provides many different types of shapes and sensations. Also, experiment with incorporating vaginal and/or anal penetration. You can use your fingers or sex toys.

Over-stimulation? If your partner complains that her clitoris feels too sensitive or painful, you’ll need to immediately readjust. She’s likely experiencing over-stimulation. If you had previously been holding the clitoral hood up to lick, this may be part of the problem. Though this technique is often effective in ‘small doses,’ many women complain that it can become overwhelming. You may also want to try pausing in between licks as well as reducing the pressure of your tongue. However, if your partner asks you to stop, quit! Take it as a learning-lesson, and, if you’re both interested, try again another time.

Tips for Receiving Good Cunnilingus

Position yourself: Feeling relaxed is critical for most women to be able to clear their minds and, consequently, reach orgasm. (Much of a woman’s orgasm is dependent on her mental state. In fact, some women have reported reaching orgasm with no physical touch at all!) So, test out different positions to find what’s most comfortable for your body, keeping in mind that the position may have to be maintained for an extended period of time. Popular positions include laying flat on the back with legs bent; sitting on a bed or chair; and squatting on all fours above the partner’s face in the ‘69’ position. For more details on ‘69’, see our past article on this position.

Take matters into your own hands: Whether you don’t have a partner or you simply want to get to know your body better, there are ways to simulate the feeling of oral sex on yourself. One method is to use a ‘tongue’ sex-toy. These little gadgets have a similar texture to the human tongue. They also operate with lapping motions, rather than vibrations. To find one, search online or in select stores.

For more information on cunnilingus, check out the following videos:

Tongue Use On Us During Cunnilingus
Bad Cunnilingus from a Woman
Climaxing from Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus Positioning