Okay, I’ll admit it, I fake it – a lot. I’ve actually faked it more than I have had an authentic orgasm during sex. And I’m not just talking intercourse here – it’s difficult for me to come when someone else is involved. On my own – done and done. But during sex — when he’s going down on me, using his hand, or during intercourse, I become self conscious, worry about taking too long, and can’t come. I fake it because I’m embarrassed.

Unfortunate, huh?? Women are supposed to come during sex with a man, right? At least that’s what mainstream media would have us believe. Therefore, those of us who can’t climax feel inadequate and unwomanly.

I know, I know … faking orgasm is not a good idea for many reasons – it sets a precedent with that particular partner and it validates the belief that women orgasm the same way men do (intense thrusting in and out). In defense, it’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I’m even comfortable having sex. For years I worried I wasn’t a good lover, and hence couldn’t relax in bed. Now (greatly because of Cherry TV!) I’m confident and easy-going, and open to just enjoying the process.

Yet, I fake orgasm. Often, I don’t really have to do anything except give a little squeak. Recently though, I’ve been telling the guy I’m with that it’s not easy for me, so not to expect much (granted, I’ve still faked it in some of these instances). I’ve also busted out my vibrator to help things along.

For now though, I’m not going beat myself up for it. Knowing I can fake it allows me to be sexual and not feel sexually deficient. I’m ready to trade that for honesty.

Here’s a Cherry TV video on it: Faking Orgasm

And here are some other good links:
Orgasm Help from iVillage
About.com’s Faking Orgasm Overview

Dear Cherry-

All my young life I was an orgasm champ– seriously- from masturbating at 6 with friends or alone, to riding seemingly any man (later age!) I hopped on and got off, so to speak. Then I had a very crap relationship in which sexual humiliation occurred, and ever since, (that was about 7 years ago!!!) I cannot orgasm the same at all. I have had another relationship since, in which I was able to build my orgasms back up, and I was so happy and am happy for that, but as far as one-night stands, it is horrible. I can be extremely turned on but when I decide to go for it, I am not really there, because I am worried that I won’t orgasm. I concentrate hard and it makes it worse. Of course I can orgasm by myself, though, in under a minute.

I feel my vagina is on strike. It bothers me. I want to be in charge here, bad choices and all.

Any thoughts??
Thanks,
anonymous!

Dear Anonymous,

Yes, it’s really hard and quite depressing know that you are unable to experience orgasm in situations that you used to be quite orgasmic in.

Basically, it appears as if something is going on psychologically and opposed to physically - and we are certainly not qualified to council you on emotional issues that may be playing a part. However, there are many great therapists out there who specialize in sex that you may want to talk to.

Keep in the mind though that the more you focus on your orgasm, the less likely it will happen. And it sounds as if you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself - it’s working against you. Sex does not have to be about orgasm. It’s the whole experience, and if it ends in orgasm - awesome.

And, if as you say, your old motivation is gone - then it would be quite helpful to try and figure out why you are sleeping with whomever you are sleeping with. As we age, we respond differently to the intimacy that develops during sex. I’ve known a number of women who decided to be celibate in order to figure out what they wanted sexually.

Lastly, since you are able to come on your own would you feel comfortable self-stimulating during sex so you know you’ll at least get off during the session? Masturbation is always a great way to come!

Anyway, good luck! And let us know when ensues!

~ Cherry TV

And, here’s some videos on the issue: Do I Have A Disorder?,  Check Your Head For Sex

Little Cherry,

I recently got tested for STDs, but my doctor said I was unable to get checked for HPV (apparently since I’m a guy.) I’ve been kind of worried about it since I heard you can have HPV without symptoms. Is there anything else I can do to find out if I have it? Also, is there anything that my girlfriend can do to help protect herself? We’re both pretty concerned.

-Steve

Steve,

Thanks for your question. I’m really glad to see that you’re looking out for your sexual health. Unfortunately, there are no FDA-approved methods of testing for HPV in men. In fact, there are no general “HPV status” tests available for anyone (although a woman’s Pap can detect abnormal cells which may be run for HPV.) Some men become aware of having HPV due to a development of bumps around the genital area, including the thighs, scrotum, and penis. [If you would show any signs of infection, make sure to see your doctor for an evaluation, ASAP.] Yet, other men show no symptoms at all. In order to help reduce your risks of contracting HPV, you may want to wear condoms or refrain from sexual activity. In the event you are already infected with HPV, your body will most likely fight off the infection within a year or two. In fact, the CDC estimates that about 90% of both low and high-risk infections can clear up within this time frame.  (Still, be aware that you may pass it on to others!)

In regards to your girlfriend, HPV can pose some serious risks for women, including cervical cancer. One thing she should definitely do is get her periodic Pap tests done. (Some clinicians want patients to come in yearly, provided the results consistently come back within normal limits… Others prefer every other year.  Your girlfriend should consult with her health care provider to come up with a time line that fits her needs.) Another option might be the Guardasil vaccine, which can help prevent against four types of HPV responsible for most of the cervical cancers and genital warts. If she’s interested, have her talk to her health care provider for more information.

And here’s a great video on STD testing. It talks about HPV briefly, but also provides great information on testing for other sexually transmitted diseases: STD Testing

Hope this helps.

Keep asking questions,
Little Cherry

There are many questions we often get here on Cherry TV - and while we have a number of videos that deal with those questions - I thought, for simplicity’s sake, I would answer them here too.

So, the first, and certainly most popular question we get from women is how to masturbate and reach orgasm. I will begin by saying, like everything in sex, it depends upon the person. There is no method that works for everyone. However, it’s a very rare woman who will not eventually climax via consistent stimulation of her clitoris.

To just make sure everyone is on the same page, the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (vulva meaning exterior parts while the vagina is the interior). Many women think, not surprisingly, that the clitoris is inside because we see women climaxing in movies during intercourse, so it would make sense that it’s inside. But it’s actually tucked below the “mons” area of the vulva (smooth part where hair grows) - and it’s stimulated when pressure is placed on it. If you want to know more about the clitoris, here’s our video on it:

All About the Clitoris

One of the most popular ways woman masturbate is on their back, using anywhere from one to three fingers to rub their clitoris. Some use a circular motion, some use up and down, some roll their clitoris in between two fingers - it’s really what ever feels best to you.

If, when you start, you’re not yet moist, feel free to lick your fingers to get started. Also, fantasy definitely helps.

Reaching orgasm through manual masturbation (the kind described here, not using a vibrator), can take anywhere from one minute to an hour. The more you do it, the easier and quicker it becomes.

Once masturbating, you can sense orgasm is coming when the “tingling,” for lack of a better word, starts. Everything starts to feel a little bit more “alive.” When that happens - keep going! You may be motivated to go faster and/or harder. You may want to flex your kegel muscles or hold your breath. It may feel like you have to pee - that’s natural - and don’t worry, you won’t (you may end up discharging female ejaculate, but it’s not urine). Whatever your body tells you it wants at that time, do it.

What’s going on during this period is that you are gearing up for a release - the release being orgasm.

When the release hits, it can feel a number of different ways. Sometimes it’s short, like a blip. Sometimes it’s long and drawn out. Often you’ll feel waves of sensation course through your body.

Afterwords you’ll be a little spent. But unlike men, we can usually start over again within a few minutes (seconds?). At that time, you may want to try another method - on your stomach using a pillow or other surface to rub against.

That’s it - an overview. Please let us know your methods! If it works for you — it will work for thousands more!!

And for more information, check out these masturbation videos.

Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Methods
Masturbation Techniques

As we know, sex is an awesome, yet sometimes overwhelming topic.  On Cherry TV, we try to address as many female-oriented intimacy issues as possible – but unfortunately we’ll never be able to provide answers and insight into everything.  However, if you have a specific question you are curious about, let us know!  We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.
Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!).  Keep in mind the focus of Cherry TV is women, and inquiries/topics from women will always take priority.

Little Cherry,

Lately I have been hearing a lot about the importance of penis girth. What’s with that? Excuse me if I’m wrong, but didn’t it used to be all about the length? Nowadays, most women despise thin erections- apparently because they don’t provide the stimulation and full feeling they seem to crave. This doesn’t make any sense to me, though.

What is a guy with a thinner than average penis to do???

-Thin’s Not In?

Dear Thin’s Not In?,

Let me give you the scoop on penis length/girth.  As you might know, most of the nerve endings are concentrated in the outer 1/3 of the vagina (closest to the opening.)  That’s why a lot of people say that the length of the penis doesn’t actually make much of a difference.  Though I have heard some women say they prefer girth to length, I have also heard the opposite. There’s a wide variety of preferences. I don’t know much about your situation, but I would definitely advise you to consider whether your troubles might merely be imagined on your end. After all, men (like women) are constantly bombarded with images of ideal body types that only a small proportion of the population actually have. There could certainly be some body dysmorphic disorder going on (which, to put it simply, means that you are getting anxious and preoccupied with your perceived physical flaw.) If you can’t seem to shake the negative feelings, please consider talking to a professional.

Also, if a partner has told you your girth is an issue, keep this in mind:  only about 4 in 10 women can orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. If your partner can’t achieve orgasm strictly from intercourse, this may have more to do with a lack of clitoral stimulation than your girth. (She might not be aware of this herself… Or, who knows, maybe she is. The following advice assumes you haven’t ditched her for being perhaps a bit too demanding and judgmental.) If she’s having troubles, you could always try putting more focus on foreplay.  (Check out our episode “The Importance of Foreplay.”) By taking your time getting ‘warmed up,’ she may have an easier time achieving orgasm, regardless of your size.

My main advice?  Work what you’ve got! Very few women know the specific girth of their partners, but I guarantee they notice their confidence.

You may also want to check out the following videos, in which the Cherry Dish ladies discuss their spectrum of different penis preferences:

Penis & Testicles
Penis Cut & Size

Best of luck,
Little Cherry

Have your own question? Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com” (trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!).

So, aside from getting “Losing My Religion” stuck in my head, here’s what this weeks video “Losing His Erection” got me thinking about.

Generally, unless it’s an emotional problem or the whiskey has disabled more than his dick, my protocol for a lost erection is more or less the same as what I do in cases of early ejaculation. It’s a bummer, but it’s not going to keep me from my big moment. So warm up your hands or massage your jaw, because it’s downtown you go, mister.

Now, most of the time, this is an easy process to get going. Most guys aim to please, and often, they go at it without asking. If they need prompting, usually all it takes is for me to start masturbating, and they are all too eager to lend a helping hand. If all else fails, I just ask. Once again, unless the problem is emotional or emotionally damaging (or the dude has passed out already) this method is about 99.9% effective.

And for your entertainment, I present one of the .01% of trials that failed.

So, this guy I was seeing (many moons before all this wisdom kicked in) had some issues when it came to doin’ the nasty. He was great at it when all the conditions were right, but let’s just say…Mr Man had a lot of conditions. Not to mention, he had a bit of a selfish streak that he explained away with tales of deep insecurities, all of which magically evaporated when I was sucking his dick. Anyway.

One night, I decided to do something cute and sexy to get him in the mood, so I got gussied up and put on his favorite dress of mine- a shiny, minuscule, skintight little number that I bought for the express purpose of having dirty, dirty sex. The first time I put it on, Mr. Man was on top of me before I could bat an eyelash.

So I make my grand entrance and I purr:

“So, I was clearing out my closet, and I just couldn’t decide weather I should keep this dress. What do you think?”

Not exactly my best work, but I thought it would do the trick.

And yet. Instead of engaging in some sexy repartee or immediately throwing me down on the bed, Mr. Man announces that it’s hot and I should keep it, but immediately returns his gaze to the computer screen and starts typing away.

OUCH.

Secretly defeated but mostly still intact, I shimmy back into the bedroom and sit down on the bed to take off my shoes. Evidently struck with the feeling that this may not have been the response I was looking for, Mr. Man enters the bedroom and stares at me.

“Why did you put on that dress?”

He DEIGNS to ask.

Annoyed but still horny, I tell him. So, BEGRUDGINGY, Mr. Man finally starts to fool around with me….for about 30 seconds…before he goes in for the blowjob.

So I roll with it. Dejected and confounded as I am, I haven’t given up hope. And, because our prior sexual encounters made it necessary for him to do so, he reassures me that he will, indeed, be fucking me after this blowjob.

Lo and behold. Ten minutes of cocksucking and about 45 seconds of a tit-fuck later, my chest is covered and semen, and not so much as a gosh-darned finger inside me.

At this point, he begins apologizing and whining, apologizing and whining, and instead of going for my natural response, ANGER, I decide to play it cool. After all, by now? I would pretty much do anything in my power to have an orgasm, despite the colossal MESS that this night had been so far. Time for the old 1-2. I open the drawer in my bedside table and pull out my vibrator.

In the 5.2 seconds it took me to do this, Mr. Man ACTUALLY goes ahead…and TURNS HIS BACK TO GO TO SLEEP.

Blinded with rage and confusion and arousal and impatience and everything in between, I turn him over and say:

“HEY! Maybe you could give me a hand here?”

Can you guess what he said? Guess! Really. You don’t know? Well, here it is.

“Oh…well…I guess…if you really WANT me to.”

Aaaaaaand then my head exploded.

The end.

To view videos about this topics, check out:

Male Sexual Disorders

Losing His Erection

Drunk and Impotent

There are times when the mood strikes to give great oral sex. There can be something very empowering in knowing that you have the ability to give your partner complete satisfaction by performing phenomenal fellatio (or cunnilingus, though for the sake of this article, we’ll be focusing on fellatio).

It can be as intimate as intercourse, or even more so. It isn’t always just about a “blow job.” Sometimes it is about connecting with your partner in different ways with a variety of techniques and exploring their bodies and learning more about what they enjoy. Giving your partner a blissful oral experience can merit a sense of pride, closeness and self-satisfaction.

Of course it’s important to demonstrate good basic blow job techniques, for some of these tips you can refer to some other CherryTV articles:

- Blow Job Hand Use

- Deep Throat

- BJ Hand Use (Part 3)

- Tending to the Testicles

Here are a few more techniques that I recommend to bring oral sex to a more intimate and intense level:

Eye Contact

Eye contact is equally important during a first impression and a job interview as it is during oral sex. Some men love this, some don’t care…you don’t really know until you try it. It is generally most effective when his entire penis is in your mouth or you are licking the length of it with some complimentary hand motions. Your gaze shouldn’t necessarily be for a lengthy period of time but just locking eyes between motions or even speeds of your hand and mouth can be really sexy and intimate.

The Full Body Blow Job

Of course it is important to focus on all parts of the package. The best to “other” spots to focus on (in order of importance): behind the knees, top of the feet and behind the ears and neck. The best time to go for any of these extra is when the penis is fully submersed in your mouth, so take a mouthful and run your hands down his legs and to the back of his knees and just trace the line there, go down to his feet, on top of his calves, stop back up at the package for a mini hand job and then repeat. If you want to take a break in between and go to the ear/neck/collar bone area, that is totally allowed and encouraged as long as you aren’t missing from the package for too long.

These erogenous zones will be sure to enhance the entire experience and help you to really connect with your partner and put him over the edge (in a great way of course!)

Check out all our videos on the topic!!! Cherry TV Oral Sex Videos

According to some doctors, 80% of women who believe they have female sexual dysfunction (FSD) can improve their symptoms by addressing their mental and emotional needs. Sexual problems are sometimes due to a lack of education regarding women’s bodies and sexual responses. Also, for many people, facets of FSD, such as vaginismus, inorgasmia, and lack of arousal can be traced back to stress and anxiety. Especially in light of the current economy, it’s no wonder that many women are struggling to ‘get in the mood.’ Though Jamye Waxman’s advice in “Getting in the Mood” may be helpful for some women, not everyone has the time or money to take a long bubble bath or purchase fresh flowers. So, what else can you do? There are obviously (and unfortunately) no simple solutions for relieving all women’s stress. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when your mood is pulling you down into a sexual recession.

Tips for Improving a Sexual Slump:

(1) Be easy on yourself. Many women struggle with believing they have an abnormally low sex drive. This self-perception can bring about even more sexual anxiety, which, in turn, fuels a vicious cycle. So, instead, try to examine your situation without using conceptions of ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy.’ Perhaps you’ll find that a loss of sexual interest isn’t all that alarming considering current life changes and new responsibilities.

(2) Make lists. “Focus on the pleasure” can be frustrating advice when you’ve got a million other things on your mind. Rather than trying to shut down these thoughts, make some lists throughout the day. That way, when it comes time to get down, you can remind yourself that tomorrow’s to-do’s are already lined up to go.

(3) Take care of your body. Healthy diet and exercise can improve your stress levels and self-image, possibly resulting in an increased sex drive. Luckily, there are lots of little things you can do to boost your well-being. If possible, ride your bike to take care of errands. If you have to drive, park in the furthest parking spot for an extra walk. Also, try incorporating fresh fruits and vegetables into your daily meals. Never underestimate the role that diet and exercise can play in your emotional and sexual well-being.

Whether or not you find your ‘slump’ to be a cause for distress, you may want to explain your thoughts to your partner. You might also consider speaking with a counselor, therapist, doctor, or other trained professional if the situation feels overwhelming. Just as the economy goes in ebs and flows, so can your sex drive. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of hanging in there.

I recently received a question on the Cherry TV site from a woman who has been faking orgasm while with her boyfriend, but reached the point that she wants to experience it for real. She also mentioned that she doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like — that’s she’s tried masturbating, but hasn’t had any luck. I would like to print my response here because it seems as if this situation is not so unusual.

Firstly, we would suggest getting a vibrator. There are a number of places you can order one online – and no one will know you’ve purchased one. (Babeland.com; Sextoy.com). Most women, we have found, tend to orgasm quite quickly by using a vibrator on or near their clitoris.

Now that you know what it feels like, you can either continue using the vibrator, or switch back to your hand during masturbation recognizing that it may take longer than you originally thought (at least at the beginning!) to reach the point of climax.

Second, and this is a hard one, but if you are able to, talk with your partner about it. If he knows, then together you can work on your orgasm … you can communicate during sex as to what feels good and what isn’t really doing it for you. And I’m sure he would want to know … not only because he cares for you, but because it will certainly make him a better lover long term.

One note, many women aren’t able to orgasm through intercourse, especially those that have only recently begun climaxing. It’s not easy because many positions don’t allow for direct stimulation on your clitoris.

However, climaxing during sex is wonderful, so there are a few methods you can use to obtain this feeling. One, if you are able to climax manually at this time during masturbation, then go ahead and stimulate yourself during sex. Doggie style is great for this, and so is missionary if your legs and his torso are positioned so that you can fit your hand in. A few men will be insulted because of this, but most think it’s really hot. Plus, if your partner knows that climaxing is a problem, he’ll welcome the self-stimulation!

Second, if you aren’t able yet to orgasm from manual stimulation, then you can consider using your vibrator during intercourse. There are also the vibrating cock rings, but they’re a little awkward, because they don’t tend to work when the man is simply thrusting.

Another approach is basic trial and error. By working together with your partner, you can determine what positions enable his pelvic bone to rub against your clitoris. Some popular ones include:

1) You on top, leaning forward, and moving back and forth instead of up and down.

2) Him on top, your legs are around him, and his body is positioned lower than traditionally so that his pelvis hits your clitoris.

3) Him on top, with your legs straight out in between his, so you are basically griping his penis and thrusting so that your clitoris is hitting the base.

Lastly, if you are still not able to have an orgasm during sex – (and don’t feel bad about it!! There’s **so** much to think about during sex, it’s not surprising it’s difficult to relax and climax) and you feel comfortable doing this, you can masturbate with your partner there. A nice way to do this is having him fondle and kiss you while you masturbate so you both are involved. Believe it or not, it’s actually quite fulfilling.

We also have a bunch of videos about this including:

How To Help Him Help You Reach Orgasm
Masturbation Evolution
Masturbation Techniques
Favorite Orgasm Positions
Best Positions For Climaxing

Women of the world, I’m begging you:  Never, EVER fake an orgasm again.

Here’s why.

Exhibit A: You.

How in the world to you expect your partner to know you’re unsatisfied if you fake an orgasm? Nuff said. You’re not doing yourself ANY favors by going all ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on his ass. It’s completely and totally counterproductive.  Sure it can be fun, sure it can give him a little boost in the self-esteem department, but all it’s going to do for you is ENSURE that you’re probably never going to have an ACTUAL orgasm with him. Ever. Which brings me to:

Exhibit B.  Men.

Listen ladies, there’s a fact about our bodies that we have to face. We’re kind of complicated. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the more women out there going apeshit after a couple meager thrusts, the more likely you are to come across a man who thinks that’s all it takes to pleasure a woman. They really BELIEVE it. Trust me, I’ve seen these guys in action.

And you know what? It’s not their fault, it’s OURS.

When we fake orgasms, we’re telling our menfolk that it’s that easy! We’re filling their heads with silly ideas that they will go on believing until they are corrected. And trust me, they will not be corrected easily. How many of you out there have had a man look at you like you’re some kind of alien when you told him you didn’t come? The truth is, he’s not an asshole. His EX is. When you fake it with him and send him on his way, you’re just making it harder for the next gal that crosses his path. It’s a vicious cycle, ladies, and it’s time for it to stop. We shouldn’t have men running around demoralized when their lady needs a hand (or a vibe) to get off, and we DEFINITELY shouldn’t have them running around thinking that their lady isn’t normal when she doesn’t come after three minutes of intercourse.

Exhibit C: The Sisterhood.

It’s time for us to stop letting men believe that their cocks are all-powerful.

It’s time for us to stop letting other women be shamed for needing a little  help to have an orgasm.

It’s time for us to start getting real about getting there.

Now, let’s be fair. Every woman, every vagina, every clitoris and every orgasm is different- and every time two people have sex, they have to figure out each others bodies to get it right. HOWEVER. That’s only part of the reason you might be having trouble with your partner. The rest, in my humble opinion, is this mass conspiracy against women getting off. Who knows when it started, but it’s time for it to stop. Men need to get comfortable with the time it takes to please their lady. Women need to get comfortable with themselves.

Whenever a woman tells me that she’s faked it, there’s one little fact I always make sure to remind her of.

When you fake it, you’re telling yourself and your partner that you don’t have the right to a real orgasm. And that’s just crazy. Sure, you can have great sex without coming. Absolutely. But never should you ever believe that orgasm just isn’t in the cards for you. It is. For all of us.

And listen, I know you’re going to tell me that there are times when faking it works. One night stands, insecure boyfriends, whatever. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. No excuses, ladies. Every fake orgasm makes it that much harder for the rest of us. And for you. It might be a hard habit to break, but you’ll thank yourself when you don’t have to sneak off to the bathroom with your vibrator in the middle of the night so you don’t wake up your husband. And we, the sisterhood, will thank you when your one-night stand comes our way tomorrow.

So for you, for your man, and for all the ladies in the world who think that they can’t come, they shouldn’t come, or that something’s wrong with them if they don’t: Get real, ladies. Don’t fake it.

Watch Video:Faking Orgasm