We’ve all seen them in TV shows and movies… the women who can orgasm as soon as they begin having intercourse. And did I mention multiple times? For three minutes straight, each? Hollywood certainly sets the bar high when it comes to women’s orgasmic capabilities, especially during intercourse. Yet, as Meg Ryan’s character so brilliantly illustrates in When Harry Met Sally, orgasms can be faker than a Hollywood bod. Back here in the real world, the majority of women (60-70%) need more than intercourse alone to hit the ‘Big O.’  The reason why is that it seldom provides the clitoral stimulation necessary for most women to be able to orgasm. This doesn’t mean that intercourse is pointless for women, though. By experimenting with techniques and positions, you may actually find it to be an excellent means for attaining pleasure and orgasm. So, go ahead and show Hollywood how a real woman gets the job done!

Tips for Increased Clitoral Stimulation during Intercourse:

(1) The Hands-On Approach: There is nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands! Use your fingers (or a sex toy, such as a vibrating massager) to stimulate your clit while you’re having intercourse. (In doing so, you’ll find that some positions are more conducive than others. Try doggy-style and side-to-side for easy access. These will also allow your partner to stimulate your clit.)

(2) Coital Alignment Technique (CAT): Written down, this position may look too complicated to attempt. However, many people are giving CAT rave reviews for clitoral stimulation. Lie flat on your back with your partner laying parallel on top of you, resting his/her weight to either side of your body. You may want to wrap your legs around your partners’, resting your feet near the shins. (For a heterosexual couple with woman-on-bottom), your partner should then move about 2-4 inches higher up on your body than he normally would in missionary. Your bodies should rock back-and-forth against one another, rubbing the base of his penis gently against your clit. This can easily be followed by missionary position, if so desired. It can also be performed with either partner on top.

(3) Pillow Propping: This move is similar to CAT in that it will allow the base of the penis to rub up against the clit. (This might not look as thrilling on paper, but simplicity is so under-rated.) Step 1 of 1: lay a few fluffy pillows under your butt/hips during missionary. That’s it! Many women have reported that this arrangement provides greater clitoral stimulation as well as deeper penetration.

Though these techniques mainly revolve around modifications of missionary, there are countless other positions which may bring you greater pleasure during intercourse. It all depends on what personally gets you going. Ask yourself these questions: Do I prefer vaginal penetration? Anal penetration? Deep penetration? None? Do I like hard pressure? Soft pressure? A combination of both? Do fantasies help? How about meditation? Masturbation may be an effective way to figure out your likes and dislikes, in turn helping you discover what you need during intercourse. Keep in mind, though, that it’s not crucial to love intercourse or even have it, at all! There’s no need to cue Kumbaya… Happy and fulfilling sex lives do truly come in all shapes and forms.

To find out more about orgasm during intercourse, check out the following video:

Intercourse and the O

Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, through cunnilingus, it seems that the majority of women are able to hit the ‘Big O.’ This may not come as a shocking surprise. After all, the clitoris receives much more attention during oral sex. With 8,000 nerve fibers, this extraordinary organ has tremendous potential for sexual pleasure. So, here’s a few tips for success on your oral.

Tips for Giving Good Cunnilingus

Communication: Talking to your partner and taking constructive criticism can be some of the most difficult aspects of a sexual relationship. Yet, communication (of some sort or another) is vital to ensure both partners’ pleasure. For specific communication tips, check out our past article on sexual communication.

Warm-up: Begin by stimulating other erogenous zones, besides the clitoris. Lick, touch, and nibble on body parts such as the lips, ears, inner arms, anus, neck, clavicle, and nipples. (Not everyone’s erogenous zones are located at the exact same locations. It may take time and experimentation to find the spots that feel best.) Why is foreplay important? This type of stimulation can result in considerable blood flow to the genitals, which most women find to be a crucial first step for good oral sex. Stimulation of the erogenous zones also increases lubrication, which helps to protect the clitoris from irritation.

Different Techniques: There are many different variations of oral sex, which can be accomplished by switching up various pressures and patterns. Try everything from light licking to sucking. (Ask your partner for advice!) In regards to patterns, a popular trick is to use the tongue to spell out the alphabet over the clitoris. This technique provides many different types of shapes and sensations. Also, experiment with incorporating vaginal and/or anal penetration. You can use your fingers or sex toys.

Over-stimulation? If your partner complains that her clitoris feels too sensitive or painful, you’ll need to immediately readjust. She’s likely experiencing over-stimulation. If you had previously been holding the clitoral hood up to lick, this may be part of the problem. Though this technique is often effective in ‘small doses,’ many women complain that it can become overwhelming. You may also want to try pausing in between licks as well as reducing the pressure of your tongue. However, if your partner asks you to stop, quit! Take it as a learning-lesson, and, if you’re both interested, try again another time.

Tips for Receiving Good Cunnilingus

Position yourself: Feeling relaxed is critical for most women to be able to clear their minds and, consequently, reach orgasm. (Much of a woman’s orgasm is dependent on her mental state. In fact, some women have reported reaching orgasm with no physical touch at all!) So, test out different positions to find what’s most comfortable for your body, keeping in mind that the position may have to be maintained for an extended period of time. Popular positions include laying flat on the back with legs bent; sitting on a bed or chair; and squatting on all fours above the partner’s face in the ‘69’ position. For more details on ‘69’, see our past article on this position.

Take matters into your own hands: Whether you don’t have a partner or you simply want to get to know your body better, there are ways to simulate the feeling of oral sex on yourself. One method is to use a ‘tongue’ sex-toy. These little gadgets have a similar texture to the human tongue. They also operate with lapping motions, rather than vibrations. To find one, search online or in select stores.

For more information on cunnilingus, check out the following videos:

Tongue Use On Us During Cunnilingus
Bad Cunnilingus from a Woman
Climaxing from Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus Positioning

Sure, it may be the most popular number in Junior High bathroom stalls… But, for many, ‘69’ is a timeless favorite between the sheets. Named after the way in which the numbers 6 and 9 fit perfectly together, this position has many variations, which allow for partners to both give and receive oral sex simultaneously. There’s partner (a) on top, partner (b) on top, side-to-side/head-to-toe, standing, and so on and so forth. Many appreciate ‘69’ for the [literal] in-your-face intimacy it requires. Yet, for others, that vulnerability is precisely what makes it an unappealing position. If you’re keen on the idea (but are still feeling a little uneasy), here’s a few tips for mathematical bliss.

Tips for the ‘69’ Position:

(1) Shower first. In ’69,’ you might as well forget the concept of personal space. Your genitals will, in fact, be up close and personal. If you don’t feel clean, this position can be extremely unnerving. So, do whatever preparations are necessary for you to personally feel attractive in the ‘69’ position. [On a similar note, you’ll likely want your partner to do the same. If you find it awkward to bring up, suggest showering together beforehand. Not only can it make ‘69’ more pleasurable, but it can also act as foreplay.]

(2) Experiment with weight/pressure. Depending on the variation of ’69,’ you might be dealing with the body weight of your partner on top of you (or vice-versa). To some (including Alex on this episode), this is a very positive experience. Others find it uncomfortable or distracting. Experiment with different variations in order to find an arrangement that’s comfortable for both you and your partner.

(3) Use delayed starts. In most relationships, both partners do not tend to orgasm at exactly the same moment. Therefore, it might be useful for one person to start performing oral sex before the other begins. (Be forewarned that the visual aspect of ‘69’ has been known to send many off the deep end much more quickly than in other positions. Timing will be something to work on.)

(4) Give your partner a hand. As a person approaches orgasm in ’69,’ it’s often difficult to continue focusing on the giving aspect of oral sex. At this point, it may be useful to incorporate the hands instead. (And for those who clench their jaws together during orgasm, please take this as a friendly yet firm suggestion from me to you!)

Certainly, this position can prove to be a challenge.  Yet, for many, ‘69′ is no longer an odd number.  Tips on oral sex may also help to improve your experience…

For some general tips on oral sex, check out these past postings on our blog: Oral Sex Topics

Also, find out more tips on our episode “Oral Sex Tricks”

We talk about masturbation often on Cherry TV because it’s a great way to learn about our bodies and comfortably connect with the feelings that turn us on!

There are many benefits to masturbation…..

It is the safest sex we can have that gives us all the pleasure without any unwanted consequences- no std’s, no pregnancy, no problem!

It allows us to get to know our bodies better and know what pleases us. We are taught how to take charge of our orgasms ourselves rather than passively having them-or not having them.

Once we know our bodies then we can transfer that knowledge to our partners. This way if an orgasm doesn’t happen during intercourse you can incorporate masturbation into the bedroom.

We have a great introduction to masturbation by Jamye Waxman, one of our marvelous sex experts. You can watch it here: Intro To Masturbation

According to Jamye, men and women masturbate for the same reasons, to feel good and relax.

In the video, she gives several tips on how to masturbate and become more in tuned with the body’s sensations.

1) “Set the Mood”: Make sure your environment is calming and relaxing. Adjust the lighting, add candles, put on the nice satin sheets, do anything to make yourself feel comfortable.

2) “Relax and Free Your Mind” : Enjoy the feelings coming from your body, fantasize, get in touch with your body with self massage and enjoy the ride.

3) Technique “Rubbing the Public Mound” : Start by rubbing the public mound (the fatty, padded part of vagina) in either a circular or back and fourth motion. This usually indirectly stimulates the clitoris which is the main source of sexual pleasure in women. Then try to touch along the lips of the vagina and along the opening. This allows you to tease yourself and become more aroused.

4) Technique “ Stimulating the Clitoris” : When you are fully aroused, take the time to explore the clit. You want to lick your fingers or use lube when touching your clitoris so it’s nice and wet. Be gentle when exploring this area because the clit has between 6000-8000 nerve endings and it’s the only body part designed only for pleasure (we ladies are so lucky).

5) Explore: Now that you are intimately getting to know your body, this is the time to see what works and what does not. In the video, Jamye says that as you reach orgasm, clenching the pc muscles (the ones used to stop urine flow) can intensify these feelings. Also some women may have trouble reaching orgasm without the use of a toy such as a vibrator. This is ok, vibrators are excellent to use in order to reach orgasm. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to masturbate. As Jamye says in the video “Do what feels fantastic”.

We agree! And this is just one way to masturbate. Basically, any time you are stimulating yourself sexually, whether you are playing with your clitoris, fondling your vagina, inserting a clean sex toy or another apparatus (with a condom on it!! Never put anything with the potential to carry germs inside your body without cleaning or covering it!), or all of the above, it’s masturbation. If you continue long enough to climax, great! But if you get tired and stop, that’s fine too. It’s all about what feels good – there’s no rules when it comes to masturbation or sexual stimulation. Simply enjoy!

If you want to learn more, here are additional Cherry TV videos on masturbation:
Great Things About Masturbation!
Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Techniques

In today’s episode, the ladies dish out their experiences with the ‘elusive’ G-spot.  Stimulation to this area of the body has been reported to cause intense, often multi-orgasmic sensations.  Yet, for some women, the G-spot still seems like more of a mystery than a reality.  For those still looking, here’s a guide to help you ‘hit the spot’ on your own or with a partner…
How to Find Your G-Spot:

(1) Get in the mood. The G-spot is normally only about the size of a pea but, with sexual arousal, can swell to the size of a walnut.  This increase in size can obviously make your search much easier!

(2) Feel for texture. Some people describe the tissue around the G-spot as rubbery.  Others describe the surface as crinkly.  The location of the G-spot varies slightly between women, so don’t get frustrated if it takes a while to find.

(3) Once you feel the tissue, apply pressure.  The G-spot is located within the vaginal wall, not outside of it.  Therefore, you may need firm, steady pressure to get it stimulated.  (The ‘come hither’ motion described in this video can be a really helpful technique.  To do this, insert a finger or two into the vagina and then curve upwards towards your belly button.)

(4) If you find the sudden urge to pee, bravo, you’ve likely hit it! (Just so you know, stimulation of the G-spot actually leads some women to release a fluid, called ‘female ejaculation,’ which is not urine.  If you still find it embarrassing or uncomfortable, try putting some towels beneath yourself beforehand.)

Though manual stimulation can be the easiest way for a woman to find her G-spot, it certainly isn’t the only way to hit it.  The G-spot can also be stimulated during intercourse, though some positions may be much more useful than others.  For instance, ‘doggy-style’ has been reported to be helpful for achieving the right angle.  Another position to try is a standing position. The woman stands at a dresser or table with her elbows on the surface. The man enters from behind and together they experiment with various types of thrusting and positioning to figure out the best angle and depth of penetration to use so that his penis hits her G-spot. However, this position won’t work for everyone because the height differential is a certainly a factor.

Sex toys can also be a useful way to hit the G-spot, especially since some women find the hand-angle uncomfortable to maintain during masturbation.  Check out some of our past episodes to learn about toys specifically designed to hit the G-spot:

G-Spot Basics
G-Spot Orgasm

When embarking on your G-spot search, keep in mind that not every women gets pleasure from this type of stimulation.  Some women who find the G-spot report feeling nothing.  Others find the sensation uncomfortable.  If it’s not working for you, let it be.  This does not make you dysfunctional!  No matter what, try to enjoy the time you take getting to know your body better.  Who knows?  You might even find some other great surprises along the way!

Many men seem to think that when a woman is on top (aka cowgirl position), she’ll climax. Sure, for many women it’s relatively easy, but for others it definitely is not a sure thing.

One variable is the degree of hardness. As Callie mentions in the video, being on top is a great way to get things going because you can straddle him when he’s not that hard. However, if he stays less than rock-solid, or becomes softer while in the position, reaching orgasm is more difficult. The key is for our clitoris to receive direct stimulation, and when a penis is less than super-hard, that stimulation isn’t as powerful.

Then there’s also the precise position while on top. Many women like it when they are sitting upright and moving their pelvis up and down. As Katie discusses, this works best either when the man manually moves the woman, or when he waits for her to set the rhythm, and he follows along (or, in some cases, does nothing!)

Other women like leaning forward while on top, basically being chest to chest with their partner. They find that configuration is better for clitoral stimulation. And while in this position a forward and back motion, as opposed to up and down, tends to work best.

Also, there’s the manner of staying comfortable. Many positions can become physically demanding after a while, and being on top is one of them. Our legs can become uncomfortable, our thighs can become sore … and all this while we’re trying to experience the pleasure of the moment and reach orgasm.

Yes, some women’s go-to orgasm position is on top, and we applaud them, but it’s not universal. It feels good for a while, but many women would agree, eventually it’s nice to move on.

When I first learned that all sex positions are derived from five basic ones, I was amazed – and weirdly relieved. I’ve always been totally intimidated by the Karma Sutra and those seemingly endless ways to have intercourse. And, not having a penis, it looked as if some of those positions could be quite painful. Also … back before I learned about the basic five, Nerve had a poster of “101 Positions” and was featuring them daily on their site. I had maybe done four out of the 101 at the time, but believed everyone else was having amazing sex and doing all 101 – in one night! But then to hear they’re all based on five …. phew!

That said I still use only a handful of the many variations. Of course, a lot of it has to do with my partner at the time, what he likes and what works for us together — but as Ducky stresses in the video, good positions are about comfort and the ability for consistent rhythmic thrusting. Add to that my desire to have access to my clitoris so that I can touch myself, and those 101 is reduced to, ah, um, maybe, for me, around 10.

In addition, like Ducky mentions, there are some positions that look sexy in the movies, but are actually difficult and not so comfortable. Standing for example. It can be hot if you/receiver are small and he/giver is big so that he can lift and hold you against the wall. However I’ve never been that small (or light!) and have no idea if it’s comfortable for both or either participant. And while standing can work if you are relatively the same height — it helps to wrap a leg around his pelvis if you are facing each other for deeper penetration. However, standing on one leg gets exhausting!

Same with sitting – which is a variation of girl/receiver on top. I’ve found to get the angle right I often have to use my thigh muscles to position my pelvis, and so it feels like I’m doing squats. Some women like that – I don’t.

Granted, sometimes you have to make do with whatever position is possible at the time – like in an airplane bathroom to join the mile high club or outside on a rocky surface. It’s in those situations where comfort is often abandoned for good old thrusting. And with the basic five to choose from – one will most likely get the job done!

This discussion comes soon after the announcement by Stephanie that she has yet to have an orgasm (Orgasms With A Lover, Part 1 & Orgasms With A Lover, Part 2). She also admits that she doesn’t masturbate, believing that if she’s going to masturbate, she might as well just invite her man over.

Here the ladies are trying to convenience her that there are benefits to masturbation – things you can learn about yourself alone that you can’t with a partner. However, I think what Rosemary says is a really good point … reaching orgasm alone is easier that with a partner because of the stimuli that goes on during sex.

I think that’s a concept we need to explore more. Yes, climaxing during masturbation is the route to climaxing with a partner; however, the two experiences are incredibly different – even if you come with a partner during self-stimulation.

One major difference is position. We often masturbate on our backs with our legs either bent or straight out. During sex, on top or doggie style tend to be more self-stimulation-friendly.

Another is headspace. During masturbation, all we are concerned with is our own enjoyment. Yet, during sex, we’re often conscious of our partner’s enjoyment and how it’s progressing.

A third is direct stimulation. During masturbation we’re usually still. However, sex involves a lot of movement.

Those are just three … I’m sure there’s more. But the bottom line is reaching orgasm during masturbation is a different experience than reaching orgasm with a partner. Sure, the two are relatable, but at their core, they are separate animals!

In this video Claire Cavanah from Babeland instructs us on how to attain a G-spot orgasm (referred by Claire as “G-spotting”). The information is extremely helpful and it’s peppered with commentary on the ease and comfort we can experience in the bedroom when we simply let go and accept ourselves, as we are, sexually.

However, before we can have a G-spot orgasm, we need to identify our G-spot. Our video on finding and stimulating the G-spot can be found here.

G-spotting is intense. It’s another extremely pleasurable practice that can be integrated into our sex lives. But if you are unable to experience it, despite Claire’s guidance, do not despair. Like all orgasms, our brain plays a major role in the process and if we’re not able to relax mentally, we most likely won’t be able to relax fully physically.

But hey, there’s always next time!! And armed with techniques and understanding we’re that much closer to achieving and providing full G-spot pleasure.

I love the concept of “go to” orgasm positions – I unfortunately, do not have one. However as the women were discussing in the video, their “go tos” tend to be with a particular partner. But some women have “go tos” they can bust out with any partner. Lucky ladies!

Personally, a number of factors need to be in place to climax during a specific sex session. It can be any combination of the following …. mentally present (me and him), sufficient warm up time, feeling emotionally close with my partner, his level of arousal/sense of desire for me, the physicality of our bodies, and my ability to self-stimulate … to name a few (heh). Sometimes they all need to be present — sometimes I can get off without any being present except my ability to masturbate

Do you have a go to? What factors need to be present for you in order to orgasm? We would love to know. There’s a ton of us out here that need help and the more information we have the better…

Watch Video: Orgasm “Go To” Positionss