Let’s face it: if you’re spending a lot of time with someone, he or she will eventually see you slip up. After all, everyone makes mistakes.

However, if that time you’re spending together involves a whole lot of buck naked shenanigans, you’re probably even more aware that your uneasy moments have potential for torrential awkwardness. Luckily, sexual mistakes do not have to be sexual blunders. No one can do the ‘right thing’ 100% of the time. Yet, you can master the art of recovery, which has been known to transform even the most uncomfortable situations into some of the least memorable moments (or most cherished memories) of a person’s sexual life.

Tips for Flawless Recovery after Awkward Sexual Moments:

(1) Don’t Abandon Humor: As Bill Cosby once said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.” Odds are, this is not in direct reference to a ‘BJ.’ Nevertheless, his advice certainly holds true in the bedroom. Rather than panicking from a mistake, try cracking a joke instead. It shows that you don’t pretend to be perfect which, in turn, may also help your partner to relax.

(2) Remain Confident: If you continue to obsess over a mishap, you’re only making it more obvious to your partner. For many, this can be a total mood killer. So, when faced with an awkward situation, demonstrate your confidence by simply moving on from your mistake. It’s often just as easy as that.

(3) Say Sorry: Though it’s important not to dwell on your mistakes, there are some particular mishaps which cannot go unacknowledged. (Use your judgment to determine if this is the case.) In these instances, the best solution may be a quick verbal apology. This can help to build your partner’s trust, as it provides him or her with the reassurance that you have no intentions to repeat that action again. Not sure what to say? Truly, anything from “Sorry about that!” to “Will you ever forgive me?” can be effective. (Remember to keep tips #1 and #2 in mind.)

Whether it’s an elbow in the face or the infamous ‘queef,’ there is almost always a way to diffuse the awkwardness which inevitably comes with intimacy. Just don’t forget your incredible, resilient charm (and an incredible, understanding partner!)

To find out how our Cherry Dishers have dealt with their own fair-share of awkward moments, check out the following videos:

Uneasy Sexual Moments
Bad Sex
The Notorious Queef

I think that Samantha from SATC said it best in her conversation with Charlotte when she preached, “Honey, you have to test drive the car before you buy it.” This relates to dating, sex and relationships on so many different levels:

Sometimes, a car catches your eye. It may be for just a split second and then you see it up close and you say to yourself, “what was I thinking?!” Other times, you may have some interest and then you read consumer reports, find out what people have to say, or ask your friends opinions before you make the decision whether it’s even worth to take the time to test drive.

Sometimes when you think that the car may be a good fit, you just have to get in the seat, rev it up and enjoy the ride. Hopefully it’s a good ride, and you aren’t disappointed. Sometimes that’s all you need to get it out of your system, or sometimes you go back for more with a higher level of interest. Regardless of whether you want to invest or not, you can hope that you enjoy yourself during the time you are engaged with the vehicle. Usually, you’ll need to test drive on multiple occasions, during different kinds of settings, scenarios and terrain, just to see how the car handles. The before making any serious moves you need to ask yourself questions…

- Do I feel safe?

- Can I trust this car?

- Does this car look good? Is it in good shape?

- Do I look good in this car?

- How is this car going to affect my life/lifestyle?

- Am I going to have a good time and enjoy myself in this car?

- Does it have a lot of miles?

- Will it need a lot of work?

- I wonder what the previous owner was like and how they treated it (if applicable)

Sometimes you won’t know the answers to these questions until you have the opportunity to test drive other cars to see what’s out there. You may realize there is a much better fit for you, or that your first choice was right from the start. Whatever the case may be, there is a lot of trial, experimenting, and thought that goes into buying a car. Hopefully it is an enjoyable experience trying to find that right one…whether it is just a lease or you end up buying.

A lot of people plan to just lease a car because they think that it’s the most comfortable option for them in their current lifestyles. Perhaps that’s true. Or sometimes, they will lease in the beginning and when that period ends, they will take the plunge and buy it right off the lease if they still enjoy it and everything seems to be going well.

Some other people prefer to explore all options and then make an educated decision to commit and buy. While others (who I find to be in the small minority) can just buy it right off the lot without even a test drive! To each their own.

Anyway you look at it, I think that relationships are like car loans, after 5 years you should either own it or trade it in for a new one. Personally, I’ve been leasing a great model with a strong intent to buy…

It’s no new breakthrough that communication can improve sex lives.  However, it’s not always easier said than done, as the saying goes.  Many people feel uneasy speaking about sex with their partners for a variety of reasons.  Some simply want to avoid hurting their loved ones’ feelings.  Others feel awkward taking the more demanding role within the relationship.  For whatever reason, it’s totally common to struggle with sexual communication.  Even our Cherry Dishers, who normally have no problem kissing and telling, sometimes find themselves speechless in the bedroom.  Luckily, a little communication can go a long way.  Here’s a few tips for incorporating positive sexual communication into your relationship.

How-To Improve Your Sexual Communication

(1) Integrate the yes/no’s.  Sexual communication doesn’t have to mean giving drawn-out, convoluted speeches.  Certainly, if you and your partner feel comfortable getting into the nitty-gritty details, go for it!  However, if this doesn’t seem like a viable option, look for yes-or-no answers.  For instance, ask questions such as “Does this feel good?”  “Would you like it harder/softer?” and so on.  This will help take the pressure off your partner and may encourage him or her to take a similar approach when it’s your turn.

(2) Use constructive criticism.  As discussed in this episode, it’s very important how you approach talking about what you want from your partner.  There’s a major difference between saying “This really sucks!” and “That other thing felt really good.”   In order to prevent bruising your partner’s ego, remember to keep his or her feelings in mind.  It’s almost always more effective to incorporate a few compliments in with your suggestions than to immediately attack another person’s performance.

(3) Don’t pretend to be a mind reader.  Many people think there’s no need to ask questions.  Perhaps they’ve read every self-help book on the market, or maybe they’ve been with enough men or women to believe they’ve reached expertise status.  Even still, every partner has different desires.  Not only that, but people’s likes and dislikes often fluctuate throughout a relationship.  Don’t suppose you know it all.  You know what they say about assuming…

(4) If you say ‘no’ to really mean ‘yes,’ designate a safe word first.  Generally speaking, when a person says no, it really means no.  This word is you or your partner’s cue to back off.  Seriously.   However, some couples, especially those engaging in S&M, may say ‘no’ as part of a game in their sexual play.  If this is the case, it can be helpful to first designate a safe word that will signal you or your partner to immediately quit whatever’s going on.  This word should be something completely unrelated, such as ‘unicorn,’ that’s decided upon by both individuals before things get heated up.  That way, there will be no confusion about when to stop.

If you normally never talk, it may be helpful to begin with very basic communication techniques (such as placing your partner’s hand where you want it) and then slowly working your way up to more detailed, verbal instructions.  Sexual communication can be tricky; yet, for many, it’s something worth working on.  After all, it can lead to increased intimacy even outside of the bedroom.  So, don’t hold back- speak your mind (but don’t forget to be a good listener, too!)

Phone porn. Dirty emails. Sex hotlines. Web cams. Internet dating. It’s no wonder our Cherry Dishers have gone virtual! More than ever, communication technology is being used for the initiation and upkeep of romance. And with this ‘digitalization’ of romance have come many changes… Long-distance relationships have suddenly become much closer. And, rather than spending years looking in all the wrong places, people are simply clicking their way to EHarmony. Even as a girl who used to consider herself ‘too 90s’ for virtual love, I find myself increasingly putting work aside to watch who’s breaking and making up on the Facebook newsfeed. This leads me to wonder, “Is this just the way it is now?” Luckily, as “Phone and Text Sex” points out, many women are openly embracing the perks of going digital. After all, digital dirtiness can be a great way to spice up an existing romance or spark up a new one! Here are some quick tips for those still feeling a bit technologically challenged…

A ‘How-To’ Guide to Digital Romance:

(1) If you’re going to talk dirty, check who you’re sending to! Though she may be somewhat amused, Grandma probably doesn’t want to know all the nasty things you plan on doing when you get home from work. Neither does your boss. You get the point. Double check before sending any messages, especially if you’re quickly texting!

(2) If you’re having a bit of ‘writer’s block,’ look around and get creative. Digital dirty talk doesn’t have to be totally original… It doesn’t have to be straight smut, either, although that arguably has its place. If you’re struggling to find the right words, take a step back and look for inspiration. Have a favorite song? Type out part of the lyrics. Getting Chinese food for lunch? Send the message from your fortune cookie and follow it up with the phrase ‘in bed.’ Your partner doesn’t have to know you added a few words!

(3) If you don’t know the person… you don’t know the person! The internet can be a great resource for meeting new people. However, if you’ve ever made an online profile, you know how easy it is to throw in a whole load of bull, let alone a few white lies. Talking to strangers isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yet, it’s always wise to take certain precautions online. Though they may seem obvious, reading over safety tips can help keep you in check, even when dealing with the smoothest of charmers. Check out: Safely-Meet-a-Guy-Through-Internet-Dating for a few pointers.

Well, ladies, welcome to the decade! Though digital romance isn’t for everyone, it’s becoming an increasingly acceptable form of fooling around. Just remember:  be safe and have fun!

Watch Video: http://www.cherrytv.com/video/phone-sex-and-digital-dirty-talk

Whenever I thought about the dominant/submissive power dynamic, I had always imagined a master/slave relationship. It wasn’t until I had been having sex for a while that I realized during simple vanilla intercourse, a power dynamic was being played out.

Often it’s not verbalized, but during sex someone tends to set the pace … decides upon the position …establishes the rhythm. Granted, it doesn’t always have to be the same person – as Celeste so aptly says in the video “we throw the ball back and forth” – but regardless, there is a leader and a follower during sex.

We talk about the definitions more here: Sexual Power Plays

In lesbian relationships, it doesn’t seem unusual for the roles to be more firmly established. There’s a “top” and a “bottom” and the top is primarily in control. If the bottom wants to take control – referred to as “topping from the bottom” – it’s only through delicate negotiation with the top that this happens (Please note, I have never been in a lesbian relationship. This information is what I heard anecdotally. We welcome ANY comments regarding …).

I must say, I’m much more conscious of the power dynamic since taping this piece. Some men, I have found, are dominant through and through. Any attempt to take control is quickly squashed. Other guys enjoy be submissive. They are happy with the woman taking leading and going with it. However, in those cases, I have found open communication is super-important. Because, unlike a dominant guy who will just put you in position, a submissive guy has to be told where to go (for ex. “let’s go doggie!”). And of course, many men like both roles!

It’s such a rich topic because there are so many gray areas. Everyone’s experience is totally unique. But it’s worth noticing because the more present we are during sex, the better sex it will eventually be!

Watch Video:Sex and Power

I love the concept of “go to” orgasm positions – I unfortunately, do not have one. However as the women were discussing in the video, their “go tos” tend to be with a particular partner. But some women have “go tos” they can bust out with any partner. Lucky ladies!

Personally, a number of factors need to be in place to climax during a specific sex session. It can be any combination of the following …. mentally present (me and him), sufficient warm up time, feeling emotionally close with my partner, his level of arousal/sense of desire for me, the physicality of our bodies, and my ability to self-stimulate … to name a few (heh). Sometimes they all need to be present — sometimes I can get off without any being present except my ability to masturbate

Do you have a go to? What factors need to be present for you in order to orgasm? We would love to know. There’s a ton of us out here that need help and the more information we have the better…

Watch Video: Orgasm “Go To” Positionss

Orgasms reached with help from a lover are not as easy as we’re made out to think.  As you heard in this video, the women that were able to climax early on didn’t do it via penetration.  Their lover either went down on them or used his fingers.  Even now, as we often talk about, many of us can’t come from intercourse alone and must self stimulate in order to have an orgasm during sex.

But, as I’m sure many will agree, one of the more interesting parts of this video comes at the end.  I’m so glad we found Stephanie, who is so earnest and honest, and admits to loving sex despite not being able/afraid to come.  In part two we explore it more.

Many women have sex for years without coming.  As discussed in this video, and in videos all over Cherry TV, it’s often because of the absence of masturbation that women are unable to orgasm.  In many cases it can be as basic as that – learn what works for you physically while alone, and bring it into the bedroom with a lover.  But, like everything in sex, that doesn’t work for everyone.

Climaxing with a lover is a very different experience than doing it alone.  There’s so much more going on – you’re thinking about your partner’s pleasure, you’re experiencing their touch and/or penetration, you may even be concerned with what you will look like coming.  With your mind on so many other things, the notion of also concentrating on your orgasm can be daunting!

If it’s a problem, my advice is just keep on keeping on and definitely enjoy the ride.  Sex isn’t about the destination/orgasm (and “sex” shouldn’t really be thought of as just intercourse anyway). You may find the ingredients/situation in which you can easily come with a partner - one in particular or all future partners – during intercourse, or you may have to figure out other ways to become satisfied during sex (my favorite, masturbate while your lover touch/kisses/fondles you).  Whatever works –- it’s all good!  No judgments, no comparisons!! Putting one person’s sexual experiences and reactions next to another is like, to use a tired cliche, comparing apples to oranges.  And it doesn’t help anyone!

Sexual Power Plays -– who’s leading and who’s following in the bedroom.  Something I rarely think about during sex, but it’s present nonetheless.  The women explain it in today’s video.

I’ve got to admit, unless the roles are totally clear, I often can’t tell who’s being dominant (or “top”) and who’s being submissive (“bottom”).  Sure, I’ll let him take control, set the pace and guide the positions, but at some point, I will get him on his back and take the reins.  I guess we’re sharing control – he’s primarily dominant but I’ll get it back for a bit.

Power play goes to a whole new level in the BDSM scene.  I personally am not there, (though a little handcuff play and spanking is always fun) but for those who are into it, it’s quite inspiring. Our girls talk about it in future videos on how rewarding it is to trust another at such a level to let them dominate you … or be trusted and value that trust in order to dominate one to bring them to a new orgasmic place.

It’s also possible to fall into a specific role by default — not because it’s fitting, but because ones partner played one role and we were left with the other.  It’s not until we were with a new partner that we realized how much more comfortable we were.

And I’m sure people play different roles at different times in their lives – depending on where they are emotionally and physically.

It’s a fascinating dynamic, power in the bedroom, one that changes for many people throughout their sexual lives.

Watch Video:  http://www.cherrytv.com/video/sexual-power-plays

So yeah, today’s video is about relationship sex – but I want to chime in about hook ups!

Getting together with someone always sounds a lot easier than it really is.  Although my boy friend and I got together through hooking up, it was six months of excruciating mind fucks and game playing (which I totally denied doing).

He had TWO other girlfriends.  One who lived over seas, and the other, this other little biddy who was totally obsessed with him.  When she found out that we had made out, she lost her shit.  And to top it off, I went to her going away party, fully knowing that I had made out with her man!

The great thing about hooking up before actually jumping into a relationship with a person, is that you get to know a lot about them.  Don’t get me wrong, you are not going to know them inside and out, but it cuts out a lot of the relationship bullshit that usually occurs within the first three to four months.  It lets you see the person for who they really are (well as much as they will allow you), and it allows you to kind of try that person on; much like a shoe. You can get to know a lot about a person through pillow talk, which of course does not happen at first, but occurs over time (there is no way that it can’t in my opinion). You have just had sex together, you are both at your most vulnerable, it can be a really beautiful thing.

The one thing that I did learn inside and out about my boyfriend, is his body!  I knew everything about his body BEFORE WE WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP! This does not sound like a big thing, but I feel like it is.  We got to play with each other and figure out what the other person likes before we were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, which means that there was no pressure!  It was great!  There was no awkward sex, it was like we were two grown ass kids in a sandbox (each others sandbox).  By the time that we got together I could see, move and work his body with my eyes closed. It was and still is a really wonderful thing.

Watch Video: Relationship Sex, Part 1

Watching this video again helped me realize that what I thought had been confirmed as ‘man-fact’ for me, that men like to separate their one-night stands from the ladies they date (akin to a Madonna/Whore complex), is only a trend. Like any rule, there are the exceptions, and human beings, when you look at them long enough, are all made of beautiful exceptions.

The only commonality I can now find between my and the ladies’ stories of meeting our now-partners, was that it seems like none of us were expecting it, we were just open to the experience of being with a certain person. I think that when I freed myself from thinking about my now-boyfriend from a place of ‘courtship’ and neediness, and just from a genuine place of enjoying being with someone, I also freed myself from falling into the same emotional traps I set for myself in the past.

Love is something everyone has been trying to figure out for centuries, and I certainly can’t understand it, the only thing I know for sure is that it’s out there.