According to some doctors, 80% of women who believe they have female sexual dysfunction (FSD) can improve their symptoms by addressing their mental and emotional needs. Sexual problems are sometimes due to a lack of education regarding women’s bodies and sexual responses. Also, for many people, facets of FSD, such as vaginismus, inorgasmia, and lack of arousal can be traced back to stress and anxiety. Especially in light of the current economy, it’s no wonder that many women are struggling to ‘get in the mood.’ Though Jamye Waxman’s advice in “Getting in the Mood” may be helpful for some women, not everyone has the time or money to take a long bubble bath or purchase fresh flowers. So, what else can you do? There are obviously (and unfortunately) no simple solutions for relieving all women’s stress. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when your mood is pulling you down into a sexual recession.

Tips for Improving a Sexual Slump:

(1) Be easy on yourself. Many women struggle with believing they have an abnormally low sex drive. This self-perception can bring about even more sexual anxiety, which, in turn, fuels a vicious cycle. So, instead, try to examine your situation without using conceptions of ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy.’ Perhaps you’ll find that a loss of sexual interest isn’t all that alarming considering current life changes and new responsibilities.

(2) Make lists. “Focus on the pleasure” can be frustrating advice when you’ve got a million other things on your mind. Rather than trying to shut down these thoughts, make some lists throughout the day. That way, when it comes time to get down, you can remind yourself that tomorrow’s to-do’s are already lined up to go.

(3) Take care of your body. Healthy diet and exercise can improve your stress levels and self-image, possibly resulting in an increased sex drive. Luckily, there are lots of little things you can do in order to improve your well-being. If possible, ride your bike to take care of errands. If you have to drive, park in the furthest parking spot for an extra walk. Also, try incorporating fresh fruits and vegetables into your daily meals. Never underestimate the role that diet and exercise can play in your emotional and sexual well-being.

Whether or not you find your ‘slump’ to be a cause for distress, you may want to explain your thoughts to your partner. You might also consider speaking with a counselor, therapist, doctor, or other trained professional if the situation feels overwhelming. Just as the economy goes in ebs and flows, so can your sex drive. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of hanging in there.

I recently received a question on the Cherry TV site from a woman who has been faking orgasm while with her boyfriend, but reached the point that she wants to experience it for real. She also mentioned that she doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like — that’s she’s tried masturbating, but hasn’t had any luck. I would like to print my response here because it seems as if this situation is not so unusual.

Firstly, we would suggest getting a vibrator. There are a number of places you can order one online – and no one will know you’ve purchased one. (Babeland.com; Sextoy.com). Most women, we have found, tend to orgasm quite quickly by using a vibrator on or near their clitoris.

Now that you know what it feels like, you can either continue using the vibrator, or switch back to your hand during masturbation recognizing that it may take longer than you originally thought (at least at the beginning!) to reach the point of climax.

Second, and this is a hard one, but if you are able to, talk with your partner about it. If he knows, then together you can work on your orgasm … you can communicate during sex as to what feels good and what isn’t really doing it for you. And I’m sure he would want to know … not only because he cares for you, but because it will certainly make him a better lover long term.

One note, many women aren’t able to orgasm through intercourse, especially those that have only recently begun climaxing. It’s not easy because many positions don’t allow for direct stimulation on your clitoris.

However, climaxing during sex is wonderful, so there are a few methods you can use to obtain this feeling. One, if you are able to climax manually at this time during masturbation, then go ahead and stimulate yourself during sex. Doggie style is great for this, and so is missionary if your legs and his torso are positioned so that you can fit your hand in. A few men will be insulted because of this, but most think it’s really hot. Plus, if your partner knows that climaxing is a problem, he’ll welcome the self-stimulation!

Second, if you aren’t able yet to orgasm from manual stimulation, then you can consider using your vibrator during intercourse. There are also the vibrating cock rings, but they’re a little awkward, because they don’t tend to work when the man is simply thrusting.

Another approach is basic trial and error. By working together with your partner, you can determine what positions enable his pelvic bone to rub against your clitoris. Some popular ones include:

1) You on top, leaning forward, and moving back and forth instead of up and down.

2) Him on top, your legs are around him, and his body is positioned lower than traditionally so that his pelvis hits your clitoris.

3) Him on top, with your legs straight out in between his, so you are basically griping his penis and thrusting so that your clitoris is hitting the base.

Lastly, if you are still not able to have an orgasm during sex – (and don’t feel bad about it!! There’s **so** much to think about during sex, it’s not surprising it’s difficult to relax and climax) and you feel comfortable doing this, you can masturbate with your partner there. A nice way to do this is having him fondle and kiss you while you masturbate so you both are involved. Believe it or not, it’s actually quite fulfilling.

We also have a bunch of videos about this including:

How To Help Him Help You Reach Orgasm
Masturbation Evolution
Masturbation Techniques
Favorite Orgasm Positions
Best Positions For Climaxing

We’ve all seen them in TV shows and movies… the women who can orgasm as soon as they begin having intercourse. And did I mention multiple times? For three minutes straight, each? Hollywood certainly sets the bar high when it comes to women’s orgasmic capabilities, especially during intercourse. Yet, as Meg Ryan’s character so brilliantly illustrates in When Harry Met Sally, orgasms can be faker than a Hollywood bod. Back here in the real world, the majority of women (60-70%) need more than intercourse alone to hit the ‘Big O.’  The reason why is that it seldom provides the clitoral stimulation necessary for most women to be able to orgasm. This doesn’t mean that intercourse is pointless for women, though. By experimenting with techniques and positions, you may actually find it to be an excellent means for attaining pleasure and orgasm. So, go ahead and show Hollywood how a real woman gets the job done!

Tips for Increased Clitoral Stimulation during Intercourse:

(1) The Hands-On Approach: There is nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands! Use your fingers (or a sex toy, such as a vibrating massager) to stimulate your clit while you’re having intercourse. (In doing so, you’ll find that some positions are more conducive than others. Try doggy-style and side-to-side for easy access. These will also allow your partner to stimulate your clit.)

(2) Coital Alignment Technique (CAT): Written down, this position may look too complicated to attempt. However, many people are giving CAT rave reviews for clitoral stimulation. Lie flat on your back with your partner laying parallel on top of you, resting his/her weight to either side of your body. You may want to wrap your legs around your partners’, resting your feet near the shins. (For a heterosexual couple with woman-on-bottom), your partner should then move about 2-4 inches higher up on your body than he normally would in missionary. Your bodies should rock back-and-forth against one another, rubbing the base of his penis gently against your clit. This can easily be followed by missionary position, if so desired. It can also be performed with either partner on top.

(3) Pillow Propping: This move is similar to CAT in that it will allow the base of the penis to rub up against the clit. (This might not look as thrilling on paper, but simplicity is so under-rated.) Step 1 of 1: lay a few fluffy pillows under your butt/hips during missionary. That’s it! Many women have reported that this arrangement provides greater clitoral stimulation as well as deeper penetration.

Though these techniques mainly revolve around modifications of missionary, there are countless other positions which may bring you greater pleasure during intercourse. It all depends on what personally gets you going. Ask yourself these questions: Do I prefer vaginal penetration? Anal penetration? Deep penetration? None? Do I like hard pressure? Soft pressure? A combination of both? Do fantasies help? How about meditation? Masturbation may be an effective way to figure out your likes and dislikes, in turn helping you discover what you need during intercourse. Keep in mind, though, that it’s not crucial to love intercourse or even have it, at all! There’s no need to cue Kumbaya… Happy and fulfilling sex lives do truly come in all shapes and forms.

To find out more about orgasm during intercourse, check out the following video:

Intercourse and the O

Let’s face it: if you’re spending a lot of time with someone, he or she will eventually see you slip up. After all, everyone makes mistakes.

However, if that time you’re spending together involves a whole lot of buck naked shenanigans, you’re probably even more aware that your uneasy moments have potential for torrential awkwardness. Luckily, sexual mistakes do not have to be sexual blunders. No one can do the ‘right thing’ 100% of the time. Yet, you can master the art of recovery, which has been known to transform even the most uncomfortable situations into some of the least memorable moments (or most cherished memories) of a person’s sexual life.

Tips for Flawless Recovery after Awkward Sexual Moments:

(1) Don’t Abandon Humor: As Bill Cosby once said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.” Odds are, this is not in direct reference to a ‘BJ.’ Nevertheless, his advice certainly holds true in the bedroom. Rather than panicking from a mistake, try cracking a joke instead. It shows that you don’t pretend to be perfect which, in turn, may also help your partner to relax.

(2) Remain Confident: If you continue to obsess over a mishap, you’re only making it more obvious to your partner. For many, this can be a total mood killer. So, when faced with an awkward situation, demonstrate your confidence by simply moving on from your mistake. It’s often just as easy as that.

(3) Say Sorry: Though it’s important not to dwell on your mistakes, there are some particular mishaps which cannot go unacknowledged. (Use your judgment to determine if this is the case.) In these instances, the best solution may be a quick verbal apology. This can help to build your partner’s trust, as it provides him or her with the reassurance that you have no intentions to repeat that action again. Not sure what to say? Truly, anything from “Sorry about that!” to “Will you ever forgive me?” can be effective. (Remember to keep tips #1 and #2 in mind.)

Whether it’s an elbow in the face or the infamous ‘queef,’ there is almost always a way to diffuse the awkwardness which inevitably comes with intimacy. Just don’t forget your incredible, resilient charm (and an incredible, understanding partner!)

To find out how our Cherry Dishers have dealt with their own fair-share of awkward moments, check out the following videos:

Uneasy Sexual Moments
Bad Sex
The Notorious Queef

Hi everyone!! Below is a posting for an awesome study. Studies like these are super-important because they help us understand our motivations and the repercussion of some of our basic urges. Please take a minute to read the posting and, once you have time, fill out the questionnaire. You could win some money!!

If you are age 18 or older, you are invited to participate in a study called SEXPLORATIONS. We are interested in learning more about variations in adult sexual behavior. Help us to do so by completing our online questionnaire; it will take about 20-45 minutes of your time. You will be entered into a drawing for one of fifteen $50 online gift certificates to Amazon.com.

To learn more about the study and complete the questionnaire, please visit: Sexporations Survey.

If you have any questions about this research please contact José Nanín at jnanin@chestnyc.org. This research has been approved by the City University of New York Hunter College and Kingsborough Community College Institutional Review Boards for the Protection of Human Subjects.

Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, through cunnilingus, it seems that the majority of women are able to hit the ‘Big O.’ This may not come as a shocking surprise. After all, the clitoris receives much more attention during oral sex. With 8,000 nerve fibers, this extraordinary organ has tremendous potential for sexual pleasure. So, here’s a few tips for success on your oral.

Tips for Giving Good Cunnilingus

Communication: Talking to your partner and taking constructive criticism can be some of the most difficult aspects of a sexual relationship. Yet, communication (of some sort or another) is vital to ensure both partners’ pleasure. For specific communication tips, check out our past article on sexual communication.

Warm-up: Begin by stimulating other erogenous zones, besides the clitoris. Lick, touch, and nibble on body parts such as the lips, ears, inner arms, anus, neck, clavicle, and nipples. (Not everyone’s erogenous zones are located at the exact same locations. It may take time and experimentation to find the spots that feel best.) Why is foreplay important? This type of stimulation can result in considerable blood flow to the genitals, which most women find to be a crucial first step for good oral sex. Stimulation of the erogenous zones also increases lubrication, which helps to protect the clitoris from irritation.

Different Techniques: There are many different variations of oral sex, which can be accomplished by switching up various pressures and patterns. Try everything from light licking to sucking. (Ask your partner for advice!) In regards to patterns, a popular trick is to use the tongue to spell out the alphabet over the clitoris. This technique provides many different types of shapes and sensations. Also, experiment with incorporating vaginal and/or anal penetration. You can use your fingers or sex toys.

Over-stimulation? If your partner complains that her clitoris feels too sensitive or painful, you’ll need to immediately readjust. She’s likely experiencing over-stimulation. If you had previously been holding the clitoral hood up to lick, this may be part of the problem. Though this technique is often effective in ‘small doses,’ many women complain that it can become overwhelming. You may also want to try pausing in between licks as well as reducing the pressure of your tongue. However, if your partner asks you to stop, quit! Take it as a learning-lesson, and, if you’re both interested, try again another time.

Tips for Receiving Good Cunnilingus

Position yourself: Feeling relaxed is critical for most women to be able to clear their minds and, consequently, reach orgasm. (Much of a woman’s orgasm is dependent on her mental state. In fact, some women have reported reaching orgasm with no physical touch at all!) So, test out different positions to find what’s most comfortable for your body, keeping in mind that the position may have to be maintained for an extended period of time. Popular positions include laying flat on the back with legs bent; sitting on a bed or chair; and squatting on all fours above the partner’s face in the ‘69’ position. For more details on ‘69’, see our past article on this position.

Take matters into your own hands: Whether you don’t have a partner or you simply want to get to know your body better, there are ways to simulate the feeling of oral sex on yourself. One method is to use a ‘tongue’ sex-toy. These little gadgets have a similar texture to the human tongue. They also operate with lapping motions, rather than vibrations. To find one, search online or in select stores.

For more information on cunnilingus, check out the following videos:

Tongue Use On Us During Cunnilingus
Bad Cunnilingus from a Woman
Climaxing from Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus Positioning

Everyone has different taste in hairstyles, whether it’s on your head, or between your legs. Long, short, curly, tamed, bleached, colored, trendy or bare there are many different options. There are a variety of factors that can determine a style such as: maintenance, time, generational norms, and personal and partner preferences. Some men and women in there late 30s+ may gravitate towards a more natural appearance, because they were exposed to a lot of “full bush” in porn and magazines growing up. While on the other hand, an active member of the millennial generation like me, may tend to go almost totally bare down there.

However, getting silky smooth results can be a challenge, and maintenance can definitely be a pain (literally) as well as a strain on your pocket book. Brazilian (everything off) and Parisian (landing strip only) waxes can give amazingly smooth results, but they can also be excruciatingly painful and expensive ranging anywhere from $55-$125. Touch ups at the salon can cost almost as much and I have honestly been charged $25 more just to flip over!! But it isn’t just the pain and cost of going bare that can be cons, it’s also the patience. Before getting a wax, it is recommended that you grow out for at least 2 weeks, and if you’re used to a barely there lifestyle, that can seem like an eternity! After dabbling in quite a few waxes, I took matters into my own hands and figured out a few techniques how to get Brazilian results on a Bic budget.

What you will need:
- A coarse sugar scrub
- A loofah (optional)
- Shaving cream
- A razor (at least a triple blade for best results)
- Baby oil

Step One
It is imperative to exfoliate the area you are shaving thoroughly. This is what will alleviate the discomfort and appearance of ingrown hairs and/or razor burn. Using either a loofah or just your hands if you prefer, generously work the sugar scrub in a circular motion to remove all dead or dry skin and make your area fresh. The granules in the scrub can be a little abrasive, but it beats the tearing off of a wax strip any day! Think of it as sanding something before you paint it, if you put a fresh coat of paint over an old or dry surface, your results certainly won’t be ideal.

Step Two
Apply your preferred selection of shaving cream generously. With your razor, you want to start with strokes going against the hair, just as you would shave your legs. Your pores should be open from the exfoliating, so going from bottom to top shouldn’t be a problem. You should find that your razor is moving along smoothly over your freshly exfoliated skin.

Step Three
Cold water closes pores. So on your way out of the shower, as you are turning the water off, give yourself a quick blast with the cool water and then pat dry. You should be feeling smooth and silky. To lock in moisture and to stay soft, apply baby oil for lasting results. If you’re really feeling in a perfectionist mood, you can whip out the tweezers to catch any strays, but it can start to get painful after a while!

And it’s that easy! The only downfall is that when a real Brazilian wax’s results last for up to 2-3 weeks, and unfortunately with a shave, your hair tends to start to grow back about 2-3 days later. However, it is a faster, more cost-effective and less painful option to achieve a beautiful smooth and sexy vagina.

In this video Claire Cavanah from Babeland instructs us on how to attain a G-spot orgasm (referred by Claire as “G-spotting”). The information is extremely helpful and it’s peppered with commentary on the ease and comfort we can experience in the bedroom when we simply let go and accept ourselves, as we are, sexually.

However, before we can have a G-spot orgasm, we need to identify our G-spot. Our video on finding and stimulating the G-spot can be found here.

G-spotting is intense. It’s another extremely pleasurable practice that can be integrated into our sex lives. But if you are unable to experience it, despite Claire’s guidance, do not despair. Like all orgasms, our brain plays a major role in the process and if we’re not able to relax mentally, we most likely won’t be able to relax fully physically.

But hey, there’s always next time!! And armed with techniques and understanding we’re that much closer to achieving and providing full G-spot pleasure.

I love the concept of “go to” orgasm positions – I unfortunately, do not have one. However as the women were discussing in the video, their “go tos” tend to be with a particular partner. But some women have “go tos” they can bust out with any partner. Lucky ladies!

Personally, a number of factors need to be in place to climax during a specific sex session. It can be any combination of the following …. mentally present (me and him), sufficient warm up time, feeling emotionally close with my partner, his level of arousal/sense of desire for me, the physicality of our bodies, and my ability to self-stimulate … to name a few (heh). Sometimes they all need to be present — sometimes I can get off without any being present except my ability to masturbate

Do you have a go to? What factors need to be present for you in order to orgasm? We would love to know. There’s a ton of us out here that need help and the more information we have the better…

Watch Video: Orgasm “Go To” Positionss

What You Need to Know about HIV Testing

We had so much to tell you about STD testing that we decided to shorten the segment to the topics that are rarely addressed.  Here are the basics you need to know about testing for HIV.

Many people who have HIV don’t know they’re infected. Fortunately, HIV can be tested and detected in both females and males. While there is no cure for HIV, it’s manageable with drugs that help slow down the damage it does to the immune system.  These days, many people live a long time with HIV.  Unfortunately, HIV can lead to AIDS which can be fatal. You can learn more about HIV in an upcoming segment on viral STDs.

When it comes to HIV testing, there is a window period that needs to pass before antibodies can be detected. Just keep in mind that even though someone may not yet be diagnosed, if they have the virus, they can transmit the virus to other people.

Over 90% of newly infected people have positive results by 4-5 weeks, and over 95% by 6-8 weeks.  However, testing again at 3 months and sometimes even later is recommended by some experts if the risk of exposure or likelihood of infection is particularly high. The commonly used HIV test is one in which blood is taken. There’s a rapid blood test—that produces results in about 20 minutes—and a rapid test that uses swabs of oral fluid.

To learn more and to find an STD testing site near you go to HIVTest.org.