When talking about a lover, we often discuss their kissing.  But of course … it’s usually the first sexual act between two people (first base, duh!) and it can be incredible … or not. There are so many methods and styles of kissing - it’s so subjective.  One can be considered a great kisser and a bad kisser, depending on the partner.

But I want to talk about the tongue.  Specifically, guys who stick a firm tongue into ours mouths and either just keep it there, or move it in and out like a lizard.  I personally have encountered a few of these instances, and so have my friends.  Yet, none of us enjoy it, and can’t even imagine it being a turn-on.   Yet guys do it, so they must like it - right?

Every couple gets into a sexual rut now and then. It could be short lived – after a few sessions the sex feels boring and the couple shakes it up. Or, it could last a long, long time. Ever hear of the seven-year itch? Well, it’s more like a three-year itch for relationships and even less for sex. And considering how many headlines your see on women’s publications declaring suggestions for “Spicing Up Your Sex Life,” it would seem many people are in need of a boost.

Good sex takes work. It’s easy to get comfortable with a specific sexual routine because it’s relatively effortless. And humans are built to get used to things. In order to change the routine, one must usually make a conscious effort and be willing to experiment.

There are a number of ways out of a sexual rut. The key is that both parties are comfortable with the ideas and interested in trying them out. They include: new positions; introducing sex toys, using creams, oils, foods; new locations; and role play (involving props or not). There are also sex games available online and stores – and a huge realm of activities that fall under the category of “kink.”

Most important though, is to talk with your partner and acknowledge the situation (we know, communication blah blah blah, but it is SO important). And yeah, it sucks if one is bored while the other is content – but hopefully the contented party will want to help the other get excited and involved again since it will result in better sex (and, of course, because they care about their feelings).

A great way to find activities/elements to kick-start out of that rut is to tell each other the things you really like. Talk about the activities you’ve thought about doing in bed, the things you’ve done but want more of, and what you fantasize about. In most cases, a number of ideas will overlap – and hence worth trying or doing again.

So, if you find yourself in a rut, think of it as a good thing! It is the natural way to keep that libido bubbling!

And check out this link: Sex Ruts by Chantelle Austin it is a great six part series on ruts!

For videos on this issue:
Help With Boring Sex

Tips and Tricks for Better Sex

Today’s video is about condoms coming off during sex – whether it’s when thrusting or pulling out — and how best to handle it. The women tell their stories, and talk about how scary it is.

If it ever happens to you, what you should do is go to the bathroom, get in the tub, squat and try to pee. If it does not come out, stick your finger in your vagina, just a tiny way in and see if you can feel the condom. If you do, use two finger to clasp it and pull it out.

Be careful though – you don’t want to put your finger in too far, you may accidentally push the condom farther up. 
If you can’t get it out on your own, you will need to go to the doctor. But don’t be embarrassed! It happens often and doctors are totally used to dealing with condoms, and other objects, stuck in vaginas.

Here’s a great link for more stories and information.
Teen Expert - Lost Condom

And to watch this video:
Missing In Action Condoms

My partner looks very young for his age by no fault of his own. He has a clean-shaven baby’s face and it doesn’t help that he’s short. He always gets carded when we go out, he has been mistaken for a peer at a ten year-olds birthday party and in the funniest of stories, upon jumping into  the back of a taxi late one night, a concerned cab driver asked him “Where is your mommy?” I love my partner’s physically characteristics: his jet-black hair against his alabaster skin, his muscular legs and of course his motley colored eyes; just not his childlike appearance.

Once in an attempt to mix things up, he shaved off all is pubic hair. When asked what I thought, I replied that I felt like a cradle robber. His response was an infant like “Goo!”

It did make sex different; there was less hair to get in the way during fellatio and my partner and I engaged in role playing scenarios that involved me being with a stranger.

When asked to talk about or describe my first kiss or even my favorite kiss, I come up with a big blank. I’ve kissed a variety of guys: Black, Italian, Jewish, Puerto Rican, and I’ve never had a soft focus General Hospital kiss. Even now with my husband, I’m not big on kissing. Each morning before my husband gets ready for work, we try to spend some time together cuddling, talking and in my husband’s case kissing. But I will not have any part of it. I twist and turn my head or roll over so that he’s spooning me. My determination is so great, my husband has coined his attempts at obtaining a kiss as “trying to wrestle a fish”.

Is it okay to have sex when I’m pregnant?

If you are having a healthy pregnancy without any complications then it is perfectly okay for you to have sex while you’re pregnant, from conception up to the day you give birth. It is safe for you and vaginal penetration will not hurt the fetus. There are certain medical conditions that may require you to abstain from sex while pregnant, but your OB or midwife will certainly let you know if you fall into this category. And, as with any concerns while you’re pregnant, ask your caregiver. And don’t be shy, believe me, they have heard it all.

Is pregnancy sex enjoyable?

Just like with regular sex it depends on the person. I have been pregnant twice and during both pregnancies I had some of the most intense and enjoyable orgasms of my life. But this is not the experience for everyone. Some people find the changes to the genital area during pregnancy can make sex feel uncomfortable or just too unusual. And often women find that their libido really slows down or their interest wanes when they are pregnant. The opposite can also be true. Some women find the changes to their body very arousing. And the hormone surges can also have the effect of revving up your sex drive. The important thing to remember is that all of these reactions are completely normal. And it’s not uncommon to swing from one extreme to the other over the course of your pregnancy. Communication with your partner is key so that you both know what to expect and how to support each other.

Um, logistics?

There are definitely some positions for vaginal intercourse that just don’t fly when you’re pregnant. During the first trimester your body size is closer to the same so you should still be able to use most positions including “missionary.” However, you might find that nausea, fatigue, breast tenderness or other symptoms just take you out of the game entirely. During the second trimester it may start to become too uncomfortable to be on your back so “missionary” will be out. It’s great to experiment and find the position that gives you the most pleasure since your body will be constantly changing. During the third trimester, especially towards the end, many positions become just impossible. Experiment with being on your side or from behind. Use pillows to help keep you comfortable and keep those lines of communication open.

And beyond vaginal intercourse?

If you are having a healthy pregnancy and you follow common sense rules about hygiene and safety pretty much anything goes. Manual stimulation is a given and can definitely help when the positions get tricky. Masturbation is of course safe and can be even more fun than usual. Many women find that they are able to reach orgasm quicker from clitoral stimulation because they are so much more engorged. Oral sex is perfectly safe. (One thing you might hear about is that your partner should not blow into your vagina during oral sex when you’re pregnant. This is true, it can cause a rare but dangerous complication, but who does this?) A caveat: If you or your partner suffers from oral herpes be sure to discuss this with your caregiver before having oral sex. You can use sex toys, lube, vibrators etc. just keep them clean and don’t do any rough thrusting as plastic can be harder than flesh. Cleanliness is even more imperative when you are pregnant since it is much easier to get a urinary tract infection. Anal sex is also okay but proceed with caution. Like your genitals, your anus is also more engorged during pregnancy so more prone to bleed. Hemorrhoids are also a common pregnancy and anal sex with hemorrhoids? Yikes. Be sure to talk to your practitioner first and get the green light. And again, don’t be shy to bring it up, it’s their job to give you the best information during your pregnancy.

What if my partner is reluctant to have sex now that I’m pregnant?

This is a very common issue that often stems from a fear that somehow the fetus will be harmed. Again, if you are having a normal pregnancy without complications sex is perfectly safe. If your partner is unsure take him or her with you to your next prenatal visit to discuss any issues with your OB or midwife. Sometimes the issue can be the anxiety of becoming a parent or the changes to your relationship. And sometimes your partner might be raring to go but you are the one with anxieties about your body or about your new identity. Open, honest, and frequent communication with your partner about the gamut of feelings you will both be experiencing is very important to keeping your sex life fulfilling during pregnancy. Talk about what is going on and be sure to talk about sex specifically. Getting on the same page with your partner will help set realistic expectations.

Are there any pros to having sex while pregnant?

Aside from all the usual pros (pleasure, intimacy, orgasm, etc) there are some specific to pregnancy. One, you don’t have to worry that you will or will not get pregnant when you are having sex. Logical yes, but it’s surprisingly liberating. It can make sex more enjoyable when these anxieties absent, especially if you’ve had difficulty becoming pregnant. Sex during pregnancy can also help you cope with your changing body. If you have body issues before pregnancy you can be sure you’ll have them during. Anything you can do to help yourself feel positive about your body will help you deal with these issues when they crop up. Lastly, at the very end, when your body is ready, sex can even help bring on labor. At the very least it gives you something to do when you’re sitting around waiting. Good luck with your pregnancy and have fun!

Sex can be messy and awkward – and one of the activities that can cause one or both parties to be uncomfortable is fellatio. Here we gathered six issues that can arise while going down on a guy. And if you thought they only happened to you – think again…

Issue 1: We’ve Got Dry mouth.
We’ve always heard “the wetter the better,” yet we just can’t seem to get the saliva flowing. We try spitting, either directly on his penis, or in our hard, and we see him flinch. We’re tempted to add lube, but we know it tastes horrid. We take a gulp of water, but the wetness doesn’t last. We proceed regardless, despite the fact that it’s like sucking on sandpaper.

Suggestions: Having flavored lube on hand is key. It tastes okay, and makes his penis nice and slippery. But if lube is not available, we can use cooking oil. We can also pass on giving the blowjob.

Issue 2: He isn’t getting hard, or hard enough.
There we are sucking away, using every trick we know and he just is not responding. Is it us? Why isn’t he turned on?

Suggestions: If he’s not responding – it is not our fault!! There are endless reasons why he may not be getting hard, and it’s most likely psychological, having nothing to do with us. Just like sometimes we don’t get very wet despite our desiring sex, for men there’s even more pressure to always be able to perform.

When he doesn’t get hard or hard enough it’s best to focus on areas other than his penis. Kissing, massage, even just touching each other all over and talking can sometimes enable his mind to quiet down, and allow his body to heat up.

Here the women discuss:
Issue 3: It is taking too long.
We’ve been down there for what seems like forever (5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes?), yet he has still not climaxed. Is it because we’re bad at it?!?!? We’re tempted to stop, but we don’t want to cause “blue balls” or give the impression that we can’t handle it. But our mouth, jaw and knees can’t last much longer.

Suggestions: We are not obligated to continue performing fellatio until he climaxes. For many couples it’s a precursor to intercourse. Yet, if we want to take it all the way through we can always take a break and use our hand – or have him use his own hand. We can switch positions –- making sure his penis continues to be stimulated during the reconfigure. Also, we can tell him we are getting tired – he may have been holding back and can actually finish soon.

And if we do need to stop – he can handle it. It may be that he is unable to orgasm during the session – again, most likely for psychological reasons. If orgasm is on the horizon, he can get himself off, or he can deal with “blue balls” — an experience that sounds incredibly painful, but actually, it’s a feeling men know well.

Issue 4: Our teeth got in the way.
There we are, giving a blowjob and suddenly we realize that our focus is off and we’ve accidently hit his penis with our teeth. Eek!

Suggestion: It’s happened to all of us, and it’s happened to him before too. We shouldn’t worry about it and we should just move on.

Issue 5: His semen tastes bad.
We are all prepared to swallow, yet his semen tastes particularly unpleasant. We want to spit – but where?

Suggestion: If his semen tastes bad, we can always remove our mouth and use our hand to finish him off. Or, instead of swallowing, we can let his semen dribble back down onto his penis. If we breath through our mouth, instead of our nose while performing this act, we won’t have to taste the jizz.

Issue 6: We gag, repeatedly.
We’re attempting deep throat and we gag. This, we find, totally embarrassing because it shows we are not very experienced at it. We try again, and gag again. Where to go from there?

Suggestion: Positioning is key when deep throating. If we can position ourself so that he is standing above us – like dangling our head off the side of the bed – it becomes a lot easier. Also, if we start to perform deep throat, we don’t have to continue doing it consistently. Some women will throw in a deep throat stroke every now and again while performing a standard blowjob.

We have a lot of great videos on fellatio and real-life experiences. Here are a few of the goodies …
Jump Starting His Penis
How To Give Great Oral Sex
Advice On Fellatio Positioning
To Spit Or Swallow
Fellatio Tips

Here at Cherry TV a lot of women ask advice on how to select and buy a vibrator online. For those who don’t have access to a female-friendly toy store, or do not want to deal with finding and going to one, buying a vibrator (or any sex toy) online is a great option. And while you don’t have the opportunity to test out its feel and intensity (on your hand. heh.) many online stores provide enough details so that you can choose intelligently.

Before I go into what to ask yourself, and look for, I want to assure everyone that online sex toy stores tend to be quite discreet. They know that their customers don’t want their family members or mailman to know what has arrived, so your purchase is usually packed in a plain brown box with a generic-sounding company’s return address. In addition, the credit card bill often indicates that same generic-sounding company’s charge – and not the URL it was purchased under.

Okay, so buying a vibrator. I’m going to give you some general guidelines, and then direct you to other resources. There are a few sites that do a great job at explaining the various questions to keep in mind, so it’s silly to do it again here.

Firstly, you want to identify what you want the vibrator for. Is it to use alone during masturbation or with a partner during sex? Do you desire clitoral stimulation only, g-spot stimulation, clitoral and vaginal simultaneous stimulation?

If this is your first vibrator, and you are getting it primarily to help you reach orgasm on your own – either because you have never had an orgasm, or are finding using your hand is too much work – I would suggest a basic clitoral vibrator. There are a range of clitoral vibes you can get, from small battery operated models to relatively large plug ins. Some have just one setting others have a few (slow, medium, fast, circular, pulsing). When choosing, keep in mind that it’s possible to get used to the feeling of a vibrator. When this happens, it’s helpful to readjust expectations regarding the clitoral stimulation you’ll receive when having sex with a partner. This feeling/dependency on your vibrator, however, can always be reversed if you stop using it for a little while.

Secondly, does it matter if your vibe makes noise and can travel? If you don’t have to worry about noise and storage, something with a little more heft can be considered. Also, plug in models tend to offer a large range of intensity, and can have accessories that go with them (who doesn’t love accessories?!?!). However, if you live with others in a place with thin walls and want to be able to slip your vibrator in and out of your bag/storage area easily, make sure the model you buy is billed as quiet and battery operated.

Third, what is your price range. Some vibes are inexpensive – in the $10 to $15 range – others are not and can cost more than $100. One would think that cheaper in price means cheaper in make, but that’s not always the case. Some of the most well regarded models are on the inexpensive side.

These are three main issues to keep in mind. Sure, if you want to use it in the tub/shower, there are vibes for that. If you want it worn by your partner to stimulate you during sex, there are vibes for that. The following links go into it all in detail.

All I will say in conclusion is if you are considering buying a vibrator – then YES, go for it!! It’s awesome having a tool that basically guarantees orgasm. Vibrators enable us to reach orgasm relatively quickly. They teach us what kind of stimulation we like, where (ie. above the clitoris, on the left side, etc.). And it guides us repeatedly through the series of sensations experienced leading up to and coming down from orgasm — and hence allow us to experiment with ways to intensify and sustain those sensations.

For more information check out the following links:

My Pleasure Shopping Guide
Babeland’s Guide To Vibrator Shopping
Wild In Secret Vibrator Overview
Ten Things To Know About Vibrators

Cherry TV Land,

A few months ago, I answered a question regarding ‘Female Viagra.’ In the post, I briefly explained why Sildenafil (Viagra) has not proven to be effective for most women. (To read the article, click here.) I’m writing now as an update on the ‘Female Viagra’ debate. The pharmaceutical company Boehringer Ingelheim is currently marketing a drug called Flibanserin (a type of anti-depressant) as a treatment for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) in women. Since past research has tried to link women’s low libido with hormonal problems [anybody remember the Intrinsa testosterone patch that didn’t make it?], HSDD as a ‘head problem’ is somewhat novel. Still, one must ask herself if it’s all worth it. Flibanserin would need to be taken daily for 3-6 weeks before any effect would be noticed (plus continuously after.) Also, long-term safety information is still lacking. On the plus side, it does seem that Flibanserin could encourage further patient-clinician dialogue regarding sexual health and satisfaction for women. Let’s just hope the conversation incorporates some of the other countless possible explanations for changes in a woman’s sexual desire.

What are your feelings on a ‘Female Viagra?’ Should women’s sexual problems continue to be medicalized? Leave a comment and share your thoughts!

-Little Cherry

Dear Cherry-

All my young life I was an orgasm champ– seriously- from masturbating at 6 with friends or alone, to riding seemingly any man (later age!) I hopped on and got off, so to speak. Then I had a very crap relationship in which sexual humiliation occurred, and ever since, (that was about 7 years ago!!!) I cannot orgasm the same at all. I have had another relationship since, in which I was able to build my orgasms back up, and I was so happy and am happy for that, but as far as one-night stands, it is horrible. I can be extremely turned on but when I decide to go for it, I am not really there, because I am worried that I won’t orgasm. I concentrate hard and it makes it worse. Of course I can orgasm by myself, though, in under a minute.

I feel my vagina is on strike. It bothers me. I want to be in charge here, bad choices and all.

Any thoughts??
Thanks,
anonymous!

Dear Anonymous,

Yes, it’s really hard and quite depressing know that you are unable to experience orgasm in situations that you used to be quite orgasmic in.

Basically, it appears as if something is going on psychologically and opposed to physically - and we are certainly not qualified to council you on emotional issues that may be playing a part. However, there are many great therapists out there who specialize in sex that you may want to talk to.

Keep in the mind though that the more you focus on your orgasm, the less likely it will happen. And it sounds as if you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself - it’s working against you. Sex does not have to be about orgasm. It’s the whole experience, and if it ends in orgasm - awesome.

And, if as you say, your old motivation is gone - then it would be quite helpful to try and figure out why you are sleeping with whomever you are sleeping with. As we age, we respond differently to the intimacy that develops during sex. I’ve known a number of women who decided to be celibate in order to figure out what they wanted sexually.

Lastly, since you are able to come on your own would you feel comfortable self-stimulating during sex so you know you’ll at least get off during the session? Masturbation is always a great way to come!

Anyway, good luck! And let us know when ensues!

~ Cherry TV

And, here’s some videos on the issue: Do I Have A Disorder?,  Check Your Head For Sex