Whenever I thought about the dominant/submissive power dynamic, I had always imagined a master/slave relationship. It wasn’t until I had been having sex for a while that I realized during simple vanilla intercourse, a power dynamic was being played out.

Often it’s not verbalized, but during sex someone tends to set the pace … decides upon the position …establishes the rhythm. Granted, it doesn’t always have to be the same person – as Celeste so aptly says in the video “we throw the ball back and forth” – but regardless, there is a leader and a follower during sex.

We talk about the definitions more here: Sexual Power Plays

In lesbian relationships, it doesn’t seem unusual for the roles to be more firmly established. There’s a “top” and a “bottom” and the top is primarily in control. If the bottom wants to take control – referred to as “topping from the bottom” – it’s only through delicate negotiation with the top that this happens (Please note, I have never been in a lesbian relationship. This information is what I heard anecdotally. We welcome ANY comments regarding …).

I must say, I’m much more conscious of the power dynamic since taping this piece. Some men, I have found, are dominant through and through. Any attempt to take control is quickly squashed. Other guys enjoy be submissive. They are happy with the woman taking leading and going with it. However, in those cases, I have found open communication is super-important. Because, unlike a dominant guy who will just put you in position, a submissive guy has to be told where to go (for ex. “let’s go doggie!”). And of course, many men like both roles!

It’s such a rich topic because there are so many gray areas. Everyone’s experience is totally unique. But it’s worth noticing because the more present we are during sex, the better sex it will eventually be!

Watch Video:Sex and Power

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