Women of the world, I’m begging you:  Never, EVER fake an orgasm again.

Here’s why.

Exhibit A: You.

How in the world to you expect your partner to know you’re unsatisfied if you fake an orgasm? Nuff said. You’re not doing yourself ANY favors by going all ‘When Harry Met Sally’ on his ass. It’s completely and totally counterproductive.  Sure it can be fun, sure it can give him a little boost in the self-esteem department, but all it’s going to do for you is ENSURE that you’re probably never going to have an ACTUAL orgasm with him. Ever. Which brings me to:

Exhibit B.  Men.

Listen ladies, there’s a fact about our bodies that we have to face. We’re kind of complicated. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the more women out there going apeshit after a couple meager thrusts, the more likely you are to come across a man who thinks that’s all it takes to pleasure a woman. They really BELIEVE it. Trust me, I’ve seen these guys in action.

And you know what? It’s not their fault, it’s OURS.

When we fake orgasms, we’re telling our menfolk that it’s that easy! We’re filling their heads with silly ideas that they will go on believing until they are corrected. And trust me, they will not be corrected easily. How many of you out there have had a man look at you like you’re some kind of alien when you told him you didn’t come? The truth is, he’s not an asshole. His EX is. When you fake it with him and send him on his way, you’re just making it harder for the next gal that crosses his path. It’s a vicious cycle, ladies, and it’s time for it to stop. We shouldn’t have men running around demoralized when their lady needs a hand (or a vibe) to get off, and we DEFINITELY shouldn’t have them running around thinking that their lady isn’t normal when she doesn’t come after three minutes of intercourse.

Exhibit C: The Sisterhood.

It’s time for us to stop letting men believe that their cocks are all-powerful.

It’s time for us to stop letting other women be shamed for needing a little  help to have an orgasm.

It’s time for us to start getting real about getting there.

Now, let’s be fair. Every woman, every vagina, every clitoris and every orgasm is different- and every time two people have sex, they have to figure out each others bodies to get it right. HOWEVER. That’s only part of the reason you might be having trouble with your partner. The rest, in my humble opinion, is this mass conspiracy against women getting off. Who knows when it started, but it’s time for it to stop. Men need to get comfortable with the time it takes to please their lady. Women need to get comfortable with themselves.

Whenever a woman tells me that she’s faked it, there’s one little fact I always make sure to remind her of.

When you fake it, you’re telling yourself and your partner that you don’t have the right to a real orgasm. And that’s just crazy. Sure, you can have great sex without coming. Absolutely. But never should you ever believe that orgasm just isn’t in the cards for you. It is. For all of us.

And listen, I know you’re going to tell me that there are times when faking it works. One night stands, insecure boyfriends, whatever. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. No excuses, ladies. Every fake orgasm makes it that much harder for the rest of us. And for you. It might be a hard habit to break, but you’ll thank yourself when you don’t have to sneak off to the bathroom with your vibrator in the middle of the night so you don’t wake up your husband. And we, the sisterhood, will thank you when your one-night stand comes our way tomorrow.

So for you, for your man, and for all the ladies in the world who think that they can’t come, they shouldn’t come, or that something’s wrong with them if they don’t: Get real, ladies. Don’t fake it.

Watch Video:Faking Orgasm

Watch Video: http:Relationship vs. Casual Sex

Orgasms reached with help from a lover are not as easy as we’re made out to think.  As you heard in this video, the women that were able to climax early on didn’t do it via penetration.  Their lover either went down on them or used his fingers.  Even now, as we often talk about, many of us can’t come from intercourse alone and must self stimulate in order to have an orgasm during sex.

But, as I’m sure many will agree, one of the more interesting parts of this video comes at the end.  I’m so glad we found Stephanie, who is so earnest and honest, and admits to loving sex despite not being able/afraid to come.  In part two we explore it more.

Many women have sex for years without coming.  As discussed in this video, and in videos all over Cherry TV, it’s often because of the absence of masturbation that women are unable to orgasm.  In many cases it can be as basic as that – learn what works for you physically while alone, and bring it into the bedroom with a lover.  But, like everything in sex, that doesn’t work for everyone.

Climaxing with a lover is a very different experience than doing it alone.  There’s so much more going on – you’re thinking about your partner’s pleasure, you’re experiencing their touch and/or penetration, you may even be concerned with what you will look like coming.  With your mind on so many other things, the notion of also concentrating on your orgasm can be daunting!

If it’s a problem, my advice is just keep on keeping on and definitely enjoy the ride.  Sex isn’t about the destination/orgasm (and “sex” shouldn’t really be thought of as just intercourse anyway). You may find the ingredients/situation in which you can easily come with a partner - one in particular or all future partners – during intercourse, or you may have to figure out other ways to become satisfied during sex (my favorite, masturbate while your lover touch/kisses/fondles you).  Whatever works –- it’s all good!  No judgments, no comparisons!! Putting one person’s sexual experiences and reactions next to another is like, to use a tired cliche, comparing apples to oranges.  And it doesn’t help anyone!

Watch Video: Orgasms With A Lover, Part 1

The videos in which the women talk about their masturbation techniques are some of my favorites!  It’s the essence of what we want to do on Cherry TV – let other women know that it’s good and natural to masturbate … that it will enhance their sex lives, and that there are endless ways to do it!

As you’ll see in this video, some women are happy with clitoral stimulation only. Others like to insert. Most of the women on this panel came to masturbating when they were older (post-adolescence). They had tried when they were younger, but didn’t get anything out of it. When they got older they incorporated a vibrator and found it really helped.

I love some of the tips the women offer.  I feel as if there is always something new to learn about masturbation (and sex!). Dual action, fun.  And in the sun – never went there, but will certainly try it out now!

It’s truly unfortunate that in 2009 female masturbation is still such a taboo/dirty subject.  I missed these episodes, but supposedly Oprah talked about it, and it the feedback she received was, shall we say, rather heated. Our friends at Radical Left talk all about it — Oprah on Masturbation.

Hopefully though with more of us talking about it, things will get better.  So many women don’t feel confident in the bedroom, and don’t enjoy sex as much as they can. That’s why we’re here!! Providing advice and helping women achieve sexual satisfaction is our mission in 2009 and beyond!

Watch Video: Learning To Masturbate

It’s interesting…I do have quite a bit of experience with a longer term relationship where talking about exact preferences was never much of an issue. A little awkwardness at first, but I usually got my thoughts out. With him, I reached orgasm almost every single time, not realizing how difficult it usually can be for most women who are not in a seriously committed 3+ year relationship.

Now I have a more typical situation. While I am not someone who sees partners in a purely casual way, I am not in an exclusive relationship where explicit communication feels 100% easy. I have been with my current partner for about two months and we spend time together quite often. I consider myself a very confident person, especially with sex, but I have realized that it is much harder to explain my needs. I still have obstacles to get over, especially with transitioning positions, but I’m really open with guiding my partners hands and using body language. I want to enjoy sex, but I also realize that reaching orgasm is not something that will always happen. That’s ok with me as long as I’m having fun.

I am always open to asking him what he likes and trying to work in a mutual way to have a good time. Sex is about me and him. It should be mutually pleasurable, and fun. I think it’s important to try to communicate with your partner regardless of whether it feels strange at first. Your partner wants you to feel good in the same way you want them to feel good. I also think that with regards to orgasms, if oral sex and manual stimulation work better (it usually does for me!), it’s not the end of the world to not have intercourse every single time we hang out.

Sometimes other forms of stimulation can be just as intimate and personal, so I never feel like I’m not reaching expectations by not having intercourse.

Watch Video:  Let’s Talk About Sex