There are many questions we often get here on Cherry TV - and while we have a number of videos that deal with those questions - I thought, for simplicity’s sake, I would answer them here too.

So, the first, and certainly most popular question we get from women is how to masturbate and reach orgasm. I will begin by saying, like everything in sex, it depends upon the person. There is no method that works for everyone. However, it’s a very rare woman who will not eventually climax via consistent stimulation of her clitoris.

To just make sure everyone is on the same page, the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (vulva meaning exterior parts while the vagina is the interior). Many women think, not surprisingly, that the clitoris is inside because we see women climaxing in movies during intercourse, so it would make sense that it’s inside. But it’s actually tucked below the “mons” area of the vulva (smooth part where hair grows) - and it’s stimulated when pressure is placed on it. If you want to know more about the clitoris, here’s our video on it:

All About the Clitoris

One of the most popular ways woman masturbate is on their back, using anywhere from one to three fingers to rub their clitoris. Some use a circular motion, some use up and down, some roll their clitoris in between two fingers - it’s really what ever feels best to you.

If, when you start, you’re not yet moist, feel free to lick your fingers to get started. Also, fantasy definitely helps.

Reaching orgasm through manual masturbation (the kind described here, not using a vibrator), can take anywhere from one minute to an hour. The more you do it, the easier and quicker it becomes.

Once masturbating, you can sense orgasm is coming when the “tingling,” for lack of a better word, starts. Everything starts to feel a little bit more “alive.” When that happens - keep going! You may be motivated to go faster and/or harder. You may want to flex your kegel muscles or hold your breath. It may feel like you have to pee - that’s natural - and don’t worry, you won’t (you may end up discharging female ejaculate, but it’s not urine). Whatever your body tells you it wants at that time, do it.

What’s going on during this period is that you are gearing up for a release - the release being orgasm.

When the release hits, it can feel a number of different ways. Sometimes it’s short, like a blip. Sometimes it’s long and drawn out. Often you’ll feel waves of sensation course through your body.

Afterwords you’ll be a little spent. But unlike men, we can usually start over again within a few minutes (seconds?). At that time, you may want to try another method - on your stomach using a pillow or other surface to rub against.

That’s it - an overview. Please let us know your methods! If it works for you — it will work for thousands more!!

And for more information, check out these masturbation videos.

Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Methods
Masturbation Techniques

Many men seem to think that when a woman is on top (aka cowgirl position), she’ll climax. Sure, for many women it’s relatively easy, but for others it definitely is not a sure thing.

One variable is the degree of hardness. As Callie mentions in the video, being on top is a great way to get things going because you can straddle him when he’s not that hard. However, if he stays less than rock-solid, or becomes softer while in the position, reaching orgasm is more difficult. The key is for our clitoris to receive direct stimulation, and when a penis is less than super-hard, that stimulation isn’t as powerful.

Then there’s also the precise position while on top. Many women like it when they are sitting upright and moving their pelvis up and down. As Katie discusses, this works best either when the man manually moves the woman, or when he waits for her to set the rhythm, and he follows along (or, in some cases, does nothing!)

Other women like leaning forward while on top, basically being chest to chest with their partner. They find that configuration is better for clitoral stimulation. And while in this position a forward and back motion, as opposed to up and down, tends to work best.

Also, there’s the manner of staying comfortable. Many positions can become physically demanding after a while, and being on top is one of them. Our legs can become uncomfortable, our thighs can become sore … and all this while we’re trying to experience the pleasure of the moment and reach orgasm.

Yes, some women’s go-to orgasm position is on top, and we applaud them, but it’s not universal. It feels good for a while, but many women would agree, eventually it’s nice to move on.

Watch Video:  Sex On Top

This discussion comes soon after the announcement by Stephanie that she has yet to have an orgasm (Orgasms With A Lover, Part 1 & Orgasms With A Lover, Part 2). She also admits that she doesn’t masturbate, believing that if she’s going to masturbate, she might as well just invite her man over.

Here the ladies are trying to convenience her that there are benefits to masturbation – things you can learn about yourself alone that you can’t with a partner. However, I think what Rosemary says is a really good point … reaching orgasm alone is easier that with a partner because of the stimuli that goes on during sex.

I think that’s a concept we need to explore more. Yes, climaxing during masturbation is the route to climaxing with a partner; however, the two experiences are incredibly different – even if you come with a partner during self-stimulation.

One major difference is position. We often masturbate on our backs with our legs either bent or straight out. During sex, on top or doggie style tend to be more self-stimulation-friendly.

Another is headspace. During masturbation, all we are concerned with is our own enjoyment. Yet, during sex, we’re often conscious of our partner’s enjoyment and how it’s progressing.

A third is direct stimulation. During masturbation we’re usually still. However, sex involves a lot of movement.

Those are just three … I’m sure there’s more. But the bottom line is reaching orgasm during masturbation is a different experience than reaching orgasm with a partner. Sure, the two are relatable, but at their core, they are separate animals!

Watch Video: Comfort With Climaxing

In today’s video the women talk about missionary position. They all enjoy it, and three out of the five women on this panel can climax in missionary without any manual stimulation.

I continue to find it so interesting how different everyone is!! On another panel we did (Orgasm Go To Positions) none of the women could climax in missionary without masturbating. Fascinating, huh?? I believe there are a few things at work here.

The first is simply anatomy. We are all different sizes and none of our pelvises are exactly the same shape. Also, our lovers are different sizes so while we may be able to come via missionary without self-stimulation with one partner, we may not be able to with another based upon the way his penis and/or pelvis hits our clitoris.

There’s also experience. Some women know the exact position they need to be in, regardless of and/or based upon the size of their partner, for the friction to be precise in order to come via missionary. Lucky ladies!!

In addition, I also think it depends upon the type of orgasm or feeling one is looking for while on the bottom. Some women it seems don’t expect to have a clitoral orgasm while in missionary, just a vaginal orgasm. However, some experts say there isn’t really any such thing as a vaginal orgasm, that it’s actually a “blended” orgasm that includes the clitoris and vagina — otherwise there is no release.

That said, during our discussions this last year, many women think of the feeling of intense contractions within her vagina during sex as a vaginal orgasm regardless of no clitoral–like release. (Orgasm Sensations) And while the terminology may need to be perfected, I believe the more orgasms we are able to have — the better!

So anatomy, experience and perception, just a few reasons I believe many women can’t come in missionary without helping herself along, while others can. Now let’s go practice!

Watch Video: Orgasm and Missionary

Orgasms reached with help from a lover are not as easy as we’re made out to think.  As you heard in this video, the women that were able to climax early on didn’t do it via penetration.  Their lover either went down on them or used his fingers.  Even now, as we often talk about, many of us can’t come from intercourse alone and must self stimulate in order to have an orgasm during sex.

But, as I’m sure many will agree, one of the more interesting parts of this video comes at the end.  I’m so glad we found Stephanie, who is so earnest and honest, and admits to loving sex despite not being able/afraid to come.  In part two we explore it more.

Many women have sex for years without coming.  As discussed in this video, and in videos all over Cherry TV, it’s often because of the absence of masturbation that women are unable to orgasm.  In many cases it can be as basic as that – learn what works for you physically while alone, and bring it into the bedroom with a lover.  But, like everything in sex, that doesn’t work for everyone.

Climaxing with a lover is a very different experience than doing it alone.  There’s so much more going on – you’re thinking about your partner’s pleasure, you’re experiencing their touch and/or penetration, you may even be concerned with what you will look like coming.  With your mind on so many other things, the notion of also concentrating on your orgasm can be daunting!

If it’s a problem, my advice is just keep on keeping on and definitely enjoy the ride.  Sex isn’t about the destination/orgasm (and “sex” shouldn’t really be thought of as just intercourse anyway). You may find the ingredients/situation in which you can easily come with a partner - one in particular or all future partners – during intercourse, or you may have to figure out other ways to become satisfied during sex (my favorite, masturbate while your lover touch/kisses/fondles you).  Whatever works –- it’s all good!  No judgments, no comparisons!! Putting one person’s sexual experiences and reactions next to another is like, to use a tired cliche, comparing apples to oranges.  And it doesn’t help anyone!

Watch Video: Orgasms With A Lover, Part 1