We’ve all seen them in TV shows and movies… the women who can orgasm as soon as they begin having intercourse. And did I mention multiple times? For three minutes straight, each? Hollywood certainly sets the bar high when it comes to women’s orgasmic capabilities, especially during intercourse. Yet, as Meg Ryan’s character so brilliantly illustrates in When Harry Met Sally, orgasms can be faker than a Hollywood bod. Back here in the real world, the majority of women (60-70%) need more than intercourse alone to hit the ‘Big O.’  The reason why is that it seldom provides the clitoral stimulation necessary for most women to be able to orgasm. This doesn’t mean that intercourse is pointless for women, though. By experimenting with techniques and positions, you may actually find it to be an excellent means for attaining pleasure and orgasm. So, go ahead and show Hollywood how a real woman gets the job done!

Tips for Increased Clitoral Stimulation during Intercourse:

(1) The Hands-On Approach: There is nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands! Use your fingers (or a sex toy, such as a vibrating massager) to stimulate your clit while you’re having intercourse. (In doing so, you’ll find that some positions are more conducive than others. Try doggy-style and side-to-side for easy access. These will also allow your partner to stimulate your clit.)

(2) Coital Alignment Technique (CAT): Written down, this position may look too complicated to attempt. However, many people are giving CAT rave reviews for clitoral stimulation. Lie flat on your back with your partner laying parallel on top of you, resting his/her weight to either side of your body. You may want to wrap your legs around your partners’, resting your feet near the shins. (For a heterosexual couple with woman-on-bottom), your partner should then move about 2-4 inches higher up on your body than he normally would in missionary. Your bodies should rock back-and-forth against one another, rubbing the base of his penis gently against your clit. This can easily be followed by missionary position, if so desired. It can also be performed with either partner on top.

(3) Pillow Propping: This move is similar to CAT in that it will allow the base of the penis to rub up against the clit. (This might not look as thrilling on paper, but simplicity is so under-rated.) Step 1 of 1: lay a few fluffy pillows under your butt/hips during missionary. That’s it! Many women have reported that this arrangement provides greater clitoral stimulation as well as deeper penetration.

Though these techniques mainly revolve around modifications of missionary, there are countless other positions which may bring you greater pleasure during intercourse. It all depends on what personally gets you going. Ask yourself these questions: Do I prefer vaginal penetration? Anal penetration? Deep penetration? None? Do I like hard pressure? Soft pressure? A combination of both? Do fantasies help? How about meditation? Masturbation may be an effective way to figure out your likes and dislikes, in turn helping you discover what you need during intercourse. Keep in mind, though, that it’s not crucial to love intercourse or even have it, at all! There’s no need to cue Kumbaya… Happy and fulfilling sex lives do truly come in all shapes and forms.

To find out more about orgasm during intercourse, check out the following video:

Intercourse and the O

Many men seem to think that when a woman is on top (aka cowgirl position), she’ll climax. Sure, for many women it’s relatively easy, but for others it definitely is not a sure thing.

One variable is the degree of hardness. As Callie mentions in the video, being on top is a great way to get things going because you can straddle him when he’s not that hard. However, if he stays less than rock-solid, or becomes softer while in the position, reaching orgasm is more difficult. The key is for our clitoris to receive direct stimulation, and when a penis is less than super-hard, that stimulation isn’t as powerful.

Then there’s also the precise position while on top. Many women like it when they are sitting upright and moving their pelvis up and down. As Katie discusses, this works best either when the man manually moves the woman, or when he waits for her to set the rhythm, and he follows along (or, in some cases, does nothing!)

Other women like leaning forward while on top, basically being chest to chest with their partner. They find that configuration is better for clitoral stimulation. And while in this position a forward and back motion, as opposed to up and down, tends to work best.

Also, there’s the manner of staying comfortable. Many positions can become physically demanding after a while, and being on top is one of them. Our legs can become uncomfortable, our thighs can become sore … and all this while we’re trying to experience the pleasure of the moment and reach orgasm.

Yes, some women’s go-to orgasm position is on top, and we applaud them, but it’s not universal. It feels good for a while, but many women would agree, eventually it’s nice to move on.