Since spring is in the air — and spring fever (the desire for more sex!) often accompanies it — I thought it’s a good time to bring up the issue of boundaries. Sexual boundaries are often difficult to navigate - especially when they are contrary to what our friends do, what our family wants and/or what our social scene dictates.

And when our sexual boundaries are set, men will sometimes try to push past them. It can be intimidating and hard to hold on. During sex or a make-out session, when we’re at the point where we don’t want to go farther, the guy can be insistent that we keep going. And he’ll give a lot of seemingly reasonable reasons like “But I like you so much and just want to get closer,” “If we stop now I’ll get ‘blue balls’,” and “Don’t worry, we won’t go farther than X.”

Besides pressure from our partner, sometimes WE want to go beyond our boundaries. We’re aroused, having fun, and don’t want to stop (or at least stop at the boundary point)! Add alcohol into the mix, and it’s even harder not to throw our reserves out the window!

For many of us though, setting boundaries before a date is important. It enables us to feel comfortable in the moment — yet establishes a specific point when arousal is not part of the equation — in which we know we’ll feel uncomfortable … or regret afterwords. It’s difficult, but worth it in the end.

One concern we may have when exerting boundaries is that we’ll be called a tease. In theory, we have the right to say no at any time — and it’s totally a misogynistic concept — but unfortunately, some women develop a reputation as a “tease.”

My solution (and I’ve asked a number of guys about this and they all agree it is a good one), is if during the make-out session I don’t put my hand on his penis (over or under his pants), then I don’t feel responsible for helping him get off. Granted, I can rub other parts of my body over that area, but if I don’t put my hand there, I don’t worry about “teasing.” Some guys will grab your hand and try to put it there, but it’s important to say NO in that situation, however hard it may be. It’s rude and inappropriate, and he has to know you will not be manipulated like that.

What I’ll also do to help establish my boundaries is mention them on the way home or to his place to make-out. That way he knows ahead of time what to expect, and if he wants more, I just remind him that I had already told him the limit.

Still - it’s a rough road to travel, establishing and keeping sexual boundaries isn’t easy. In my experience though, it gets easier … and I no longer wake up with that dreaded question “Oh shite, what did I do?”

Check out this video where the women discuss boundaries: Saying Yes and No to Sex

These days, vibrators are all the rage. In fact, studies have estimated that fifty-percent of Americans own a sex toy. From Tupperware-like gatherings to old-fashioned sex shops to candid online shopping, there are many different ways to get a hold of a vibrator (at least in most states.) And it’s no wonder they’re a hit. Masturbation is one of the most low-risk sexual activities in which a person can partake. Using a vibrator to masturbate is also nearly risk-free. Nevertheless, there are a few important things to keep in mind for a healthy body and planet.

Tips for Healthy Vibrator Use:

Protect Your Body: It’s critical to clean your vibrator after each use. If not, you run the risk of growing germs, which may lead to future bacterial infections. This is especially true if the sex toy is used around the vagina and then the anus, and vice-versa… In this instance, the toy should also be cleaned in between uses in these areas. If you’re sharing your vibrator with another person, it’s also possible to spread STDs back-and-forth. Generally speaking, you can clean toys in a mixture of 10 parts water and 1 part bleach- not the other way around! Refer to your product’s manual for more specific cleaning instructions. Additionally, if you’re inserting a vibrator (with chord) into the vagina, cover it with a condom first. That way, you can pull the condom out rather than yanking on the vibrator’s chord. If the chord is tugged on repeatedly, there’s a chance you may tear the wires, potentially giving yourself more of a shock than you probably bargained for. Though these risks are fairly minimal, it’s always smart to be on the safe side!

Protect Your Planet: To many, sex toys seem like a natural step to take in learning more about one’s body and sexuality. As a result, the consumeristic aspect of the sex toy industry is often ignored. When you don’t stop to think about vibrators as products, you may not consider the ways that their production and use inevitably affect the environment. Luckily, there are numerous ways to ‘go green’ in the bedroom. Look for rechargeable toys to avoid wasting batteries. If your vibrator does run on batteries, take them out when you store your toy. By leaving them in, you’ll not only run out of juice faster, but also you’ll run the risk of a battery leak. Additionally, you may want to pick out toys made of medical-grade silicone rather than polyvinylchloride (PVC) and phthalates. Some environmentalist groups, such as the Greenpeace, have worried that phthalates (which make PVC plastic flexible) may have harmful effects on the body, particularly in situations involving a great deal of friction. Without human testing, though, this issue is still highly debatable.

In case you’re concerned, there are a few easy ways to tell if your toy is made of phthalates. Check: does it have an overwhelmingly plastic/chemical smell? Is it squishy and flexible? Is it relatively inexpensive? If so, your product may contain phthalates. Some stores have discontinued all products containing this material, just in case. Others do not intend to do so without sufficient evidence. Ask a store employee or search online to find out more information on specific product details.

As you’ve probably heard, a vibrator can be an extremely effective tool for learning more about your body as well as heating up a relationship. So, if you’re digging the vibes, be safe and have fun!

For more information, watch these episodes:
The Buzz on Vibrators
Vibrators 101

I’ve always found the connection between smell and physical attraction so interesting. It’s that whole sex pheromone thing – highly individualized chemicals our body emits for the purpose of attraction. Within the animal kingdom, pheromones play a large role in many species reproduction process.

The interesting thing though about pheromones is that what/who smells good to one person, does not to another. CNN.com reports “According to an article in ‘Psychology Today,’ how our body odors are perceived as pleasant and sexy to another person is a highly selective process. We usually smell best to a person whose genetically based immunity to disease differs most from our own. This could benefit you in the long run, making for stronger, healthier children.” Interesting, huh?!?!

I was reminded of this recently during a string of dates (yeah, I did it the old fashioned way – internet dating. heh). Over a period of about six weeks I went out with many men and had decided beforehand that if I found them the least bit attractive and/or interesting, I would invite him up for a make-out session (because you never know … a relatively plain guy who’s an amazing kisser all of a sudden isn’t so plain!).

Unrelated to how good the session was sometimes I needed to pop into the shower as soon as he left. Other times, I was able to finish whatever work I had to do that night (like upload the next day’s video) and hold off on the shower until I went to bed.

I’m sure we’ve all been there – partners who smell good regardless, and others, not so much. And maybe it’s not all pheromones – whether we like the way our partner smells - general body odor, perfumes, smoking, and other stuff I don’t know about most likely play a role too. But that pheromones thing, cool right? Of course, you can buy laboratory created pheromones to pump them up. But they’re expensive and you’ll have to find that link on your own.

Watch Video: Dirty Sexy Smells