I find this video so interesting because it exhibits how much control women have over their orgasms – even during intercourse. It takes a lot of practice (and confidence) but reaching orgasm basically comes down to two things –  an orgasm-friendly head-space and physical-stimulation.

Mentally, we must be relaxed and present.  No worrying about that pending project or how our breasts look (because if they’re breast – they look AMAZING!) … we need to be in the moment, relaxed and aroused – even if that involves fantasy that has nothing to do with our partner.

Physically, our clitoris (in most cases) needs to be stimulated, and stimulated in a way that feels personally good.  It it’s not being touched the way we like, whether because our partner, through intercourse, isn’t making contact or because he/she isn’t touching it soft/fast/hard/slow enough, go ahead and stimulate it yourself.  It’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to touch herself during sex – it’s actually the easiest way for most of us to get off!

That’s what the women are saying in the video even it doesn’t come across clearly … that they can always get themselves off by using fantasy and self-stimulation, even when their partners didn’t have a clue.

Watch video: Getting Off During Intercourse

I love this episode … besides the fact that the women are having so much fun, they are being brutally honest.  And it brings to life the realities of female orgasm – that it is sometimes really difficult to obtain!

Some would say we fake it ether for our partner or ourselves. But in a relationship or with a regular partner, isn’t it the same thing?  We fake it for ourselves because we are tired.  We fake it for our partner to prevent him from being hurt.  However, we would never fake it for our partner if we weren’t first faking it for ourselves.  Right? I like how Sarah pointed out though that it’s not helpful to fake it before actually having an orgasm with that partner.  Otherwise, he won’t know what really works for you and how long it will take.

Faking it during a one-night stand can be a different story. Nicole in the video talks about having intercourse with different men, not knowing/never having reached orgasm, yet never faking it.  I think that was quite brave of her – to be open with those men and let them know that regardless it won’t happen. I wasn’t so brave.  I faked it during one-night stands before I ever had an orgasm.  I wanted to prove to my partners that I was womanly.  I wanted to show them that I could enjoy sex and get off … all the while feeling inadequate and embarrassed because I couldn’t climax.  Sad, huh??

I think that experience is more common than we realize.  Especially since we receive all these signals indicating that if we don’t orgasm from intercourse we are deficient in some way – that we lack some womanly instinct.  Media is probably the biggest culprit.  We are consistently shown women screaming in ecstasy while having sex, without any other aid but a man and his penis. It’s so misleading!! Images like this compound the fact that female orgasm is easy – and if it doesn’t happen there’s something wrong with us. And if we fake it, that’s wrong too. Ick.

Hopefully, through programming like Cherry TV and open dialog, we can help change that perception (yup, it’s a plug!!).  It’s important to help younger women understand that orgasm isn’t always (or often, depending on who you’re talking to!) reached easily and through intercourse. We need to own our sexuality, and not leave it up our partner to know our bodies and what feels good to us personally.  I mean, come on, they are men (in these cases … because while some of our partners are women, lesbians tend to fake orgasms much, much, much less) and most of them have no idea what is up with our clitoris and our libidinous needs.  Hence, another reason to masturbate (besides it feeling great!).  Only once we know works for us, can we share it with a partner.