Every couple gets into a sexual rut now and then. It could be short lived – after a few sessions the sex feels boring and the couple shakes it up. Or, it could last a long, long time. Ever hear of the seven-year itch? Well, it’s more like a three-year itch for relationships and even less for sex. And considering how many headlines your see on women’s publications declaring suggestions for “Spicing Up Your Sex Life,” it would seem many people are in need of a boost.

Good sex takes work. It’s easy to get comfortable with a specific sexual routine because it’s relatively effortless. And humans are built to get used to things. In order to change the routine, one must usually make a conscious effort and be willing to experiment.

There are a number of ways out of a sexual rut. The key is that both parties are comfortable with the ideas and interested in trying them out. They include: new positions; introducing sex toys, using creams, oils, foods; new locations; and role play (involving props or not). There are also sex games available online and stores – and a huge realm of activities that fall under the category of “kink.”

Most important though, is to talk with your partner and acknowledge the situation (we know, communication blah blah blah, but it is SO important). And yeah, it sucks if one is bored while the other is content – but hopefully the contented party will want to help the other get excited and involved again since it will result in better sex (and, of course, because they care about their feelings).

A great way to find activities/elements to kick-start out of that rut is to tell each other the things you really like. Talk about the activities you’ve thought about doing in bed, the things you’ve done but want more of, and what you fantasize about. In most cases, a number of ideas will overlap – and hence worth trying or doing again.

So, if you find yourself in a rut, think of it as a good thing! It is the natural way to keep that libido bubbling!

And check out this link: Sex Ruts by Chantelle Austin it is a great six part series on ruts!

For videos on this issue:

Help With Boring Sex

Tips and Tricks for Better Sex

Is it okay to have sex when I’m pregnant?

If you are having a healthy pregnancy without any complications then it is perfectly okay for you to have sex while you’re pregnant, from conception up to the day you give birth. It is safe for you and vaginal penetration will not hurt the fetus. There are certain medical conditions that may require you to abstain from sex while pregnant, but your OB or midwife will certainly let you know if you fall into this category. And, as with any concerns while you’re pregnant, ask your caregiver. And don’t be shy, believe me, they have heard it all.

Is pregnancy sex enjoyable?

Just like with regular sex it depends on the person. I have been pregnant twice and during both pregnancies I had some of the most intense and enjoyable orgasms of my life. But this is not the experience for everyone. Some people find the changes to the genital area during pregnancy can make sex feel uncomfortable or just too unusual. And often women find that their libido really slows down or their interest wanes when they are pregnant. The opposite can also be true. Some women find the changes to their body very arousing. And the hormone surges can also have the effect of revving up your sex drive. The important thing to remember is that all of these reactions are completely normal. And it’s not uncommon to swing from one extreme to the other over the course of your pregnancy. Communication with your partner is key so that you both know what to expect and how to support each other.

Um, logistics?

There are definitely some positions for vaginal intercourse that just don’t fly when you’re pregnant. During the first trimester your body size is closer to the same so you should still be able to use most positions including “missionary.” However, you might find that nausea, fatigue, breast tenderness or other symptoms just take you out of the game entirely. During the second trimester it may start to become too uncomfortable to be on your back so “missionary” will be out. It’s great to experiment and find the position that gives you the most pleasure since your body will be constantly changing. During the third trimester, especially towards the end, many positions become just impossible. Experiment with being on your side or from behind. Use pillows to help keep you comfortable and keep those lines of communication open.

And beyond vaginal intercourse?

If you are having a healthy pregnancy and you follow common sense rules about hygiene and safety pretty much anything goes. Manual stimulation is a given and can definitely help when the positions get tricky. Masturbation is of course safe and can be even more fun than usual. Many women find that they are able to reach orgasm quicker from clitoral stimulation because they are so much more engorged. Oral sex is perfectly safe. (One thing you might hear about is that your partner should not blow into your vagina during oral sex when you’re pregnant. This is true, it can cause a rare but dangerous complication, but who does this?) A caveat: If you or your partner suffers from oral herpes be sure to discuss this with your caregiver before having oral sex. You can use sex toys, lube, vibrators etc. just keep them clean and don’t do any rough thrusting as plastic can be harder than flesh. Cleanliness is even more imperative when you are pregnant since it is much easier to get a urinary tract infection. Anal sex is also okay but proceed with caution. Like your genitals, your anus is also more engorged during pregnancy so more prone to bleed. Hemorrhoids are also a common pregnancy and anal sex with hemorrhoids? Yikes. Be sure to talk to your practitioner first and get the green light. And again, don’t be shy to bring it up, it’s their job to give you the best information during your pregnancy.

What if my partner is reluctant to have sex now that I’m pregnant?

This is a very common issue that often stems from a fear that somehow the fetus will be harmed. Again, if you are having a normal pregnancy without complications sex is perfectly safe. If your partner is unsure take him or her with you to your next prenatal visit to discuss any issues with your OB or midwife. Sometimes the issue can be the anxiety of becoming a parent or the changes to your relationship. And sometimes your partner might be raring to go but you are the one with anxieties about your body or about your new identity. Open, honest, and frequent communication with your partner about the gamut of feelings you will both be experiencing is very important to keeping your sex life fulfilling during pregnancy. Talk about what is going on and be sure to talk about sex specifically. Getting on the same page with your partner will help set realistic expectations.

Are there any pros to having sex while pregnant?

Aside from all the usual pros (pleasure, intimacy, orgasm, etc) there are some specific to pregnancy. One, you don’t have to worry that you will or will not get pregnant when you are having sex. Logical yes, but it’s surprisingly liberating. It can make sex more enjoyable when these anxieties absent, especially if you’ve had difficulty becoming pregnant. Sex during pregnancy can also help you cope with your changing body. If you have body issues before pregnancy you can be sure you’ll have them during. Anything you can do to help yourself feel positive about your body will help you deal with these issues when they crop up. Lastly, at the very end, when your body is ready, sex can even help bring on labor. At the very least it gives you something to do when you’re sitting around waiting. Good luck with your pregnancy and have fun!

Ah, Period Sex.

I have to say, I’m a pretty new member of the Period Sex Fanclub. As such, my reasons for resistance are still pretty fresh in the skull. I will now list those reasons, and tell you how and why they were so, SO wrong.

I thought having sex on my period was icky.

That’s right, I was that girl. I thought sex on my period was icky. And then… I came to my senses. Icky? ICKY? Ok, logic time. Sex is kind of icky, but in a super awesome, super hot way….and sure, periods are kind of icky….but I like sex but not my period? They’re both things that my body does, and does naturally. Why shouldn’t I combine them? Am I ASHAMED of my period? I let dudes do me in the butt (and, um….that’s where poop comes from) so why shouldn’t I let them do me on my period? Not because it’s icky, surely. As the man I lost my period-stained virginity to so eloquently put it…“It’s just more lube.” Amen to that.

If, however, you’re still a little freaked out by the mess, here are a few tricks to put your mind at ease.

* Put down a towel. For those who squirt, you know the drill. It’s a good idea to pull out some towels when you start your period that month  and have them handy, just so you don’t have to go rummaging in your linen closet when the mood strikes. You don’t have to sacrifice spontaneity for clean sheets.

*Do it in the shower! It’s a great way to ease yourself in.

*When you’re in the throes, stick to slow moves and variations on the missionary position. Remember your high school Physics class? Gravity and Inertia. If you’re freaked out by the mess, now might not be a good time to get on top and hump away.

Aside from thinking that sex on my period would be in icky mess, I thought to myself- “Ugh. I may be horny, but I also feel like I’m being beaten in the uterus with a sledgehammer. All I want to do is curl up in a little ball and watch reruns of the Golden Girls.” Sex just didn’t seem like it would be a good idea. Oh, how wrong I was.

*Having sex, and especially having an orgasm, can actually HELP with your cramps. It’s a lot better for you, and WAY more satisfying, then taking a Midol.

*Not to mention, having and orgasm will actually LESSEN the length of your period. The contractions of your PC muscles during orgasm help your uterus expel it’s goodies much faster than it would on its lonesome. Help a sister out.

*Many of us are actually our randiest during the red season. Not only that, we’re actually at our most SENSITIVE. Ever since I started having Period Sex, my orgasms have been unFREAKINGbeleivable. If that’s not an impetus to try it, I just don’t know what is.

For me, and for a lot of other young women, one of the main reasons that Period Sex is off-putting is that we’re afraid our partner will be grossed out by it. After all, for many of us, periods were a huge source of stress and embarrassment during our teenage years, and those scars don’t heal quickly. I remember one of my friends got her period for the first time during English class and ran out of the classroom. Everybody watched as the school nurse came in and cleaned up the mess she left on her chair. Eep. No wonder we want to hide our periods. But with the right person, sex on your period is neither gross nor embarrassing, but intimate and liberating. It took a real commitment for me to try it for the first time, and it was my BOYFRIEND who talked ME into it! More often than not, it’s not our partners who are grossed out by our periods, it’s us.

*Don’t be afraid to broach that subject. While some men are uncomfortable with Period Sex, most are VERY open to it. Nearly all of the men I’ve dated have been. However, if you or your partner are NOT comfortable with the idea of Period Sex, don’t push it. Like with all aspects of sex, to each his or her own.

*If it IS right for the both of you, take it slow, take it easy, and enjoy it. Sex during such an intimate and vulnerable time for your body can really bring you closer together.

*P.S. Don’t listen when someone tells you not to use protection during your period. Because sperm can live up in ya for for a few days, and because sometimes our cycles are so wonky that we can even OVULATE DURING our periods, it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant when you have period sex. So be safe! As an added bonus, using a diaphragm is another great way to keep the mess to a minimum.

Remember, ye who doubt the greatness of Period Sex. I was once among you, and now…now I’m having fabulous sex on my period. My shorter, lighter, less cramped, orgasm-enhancing period. It’s natural. It’s groovy, and it feels fantastic. It’s time to join the revolution, ladies.

Videos on this topic: Period Sex — Go With the Flow Part 1, Part 2, Period Sex Yay or Nay

Sure, it may be the most popular number in Junior High bathroom stalls… But, for many, ‘69′ is a timeless favorite between the sheets. Named after the way in which the numbers 6 and 9 fit perfectly together, this position has many variations, which allow for partners to both give and receive oral sex simultaneously. There’s partner (a) on top, partner (b) on top, side-to-side/head-to-toe, standing, and so on and so forth. Many appreciate ‘69′ for the [literal] in-your-face intimacy it requires. Yet, for others, that vulnerability is precisely what makes it an unappealing position. If you’re keen on the idea (but are still feeling a little uneasy), here’s a few tips for mathematical bliss.

Tips for the ‘69′ Position:

(1) Shower first. In ‘69,’ you might as well forget the concept of personal space. Your genitals will, in fact, be up close and personal. If you don’t feel clean, this position can be extremely unnerving. So, do whatever preparations are necessary for you to personally feel attractive in the ‘69′ position. [On a similar note, you'll likely want your partner to do the same. If you find it awkward to bring up, suggest showering together beforehand. Not only can it make '69' more pleasurable, but it can also act as foreplay.]

(2) Experiment with weight/pressure. Depending on the variation of ‘69,’ you might be dealing with the body weight of your partner on top of you (or vice-versa). To some (including Alex on this episode), this is a very positive experience. Others find it uncomfortable or distracting. Experiment with different variations in order to find an arrangement that’s comfortable for both you and your partner.

(3) Use delayed starts. In most relationships, both partners do not tend to orgasm at exactly the same moment. Therefore, it might be useful for one person to start performing oral sex before the other begins. (Be forewarned that the visual aspect of ‘69′ has been known to send many off the deep end much more quickly than in other positions. Timing will be something to work on.)

(4) Give your partner a hand. As a person approaches orgasm in ‘69,’ it’s often difficult to continue focusing on the giving aspect of oral sex. At this point, it may be useful to incorporate the hands instead. (And for those who clench their jaws together during orgasm, please take this as a friendly yet firm suggestion from me to you!)

Certainly, this position can prove to be a challenge.  Yet, for many, ‘69′ is no longer an odd number.  Tips on oral sex may also help to improve your experience…

For some general tips on oral sex, check out these past postings on our blog: Oral Sex Topics

Also, find out more tips on our episode Oral Sex Tricks

Spanking during sex is like ordering onion rings with your burger…you can’t do it all the time, you need to be in the mood, it’s not necessarily traditional, it’s not for everyone, however, for the right person at the right time, it definitely hits the spot.

A lot of women enjoy being the spanked, especially when doing it doggy-style. There is something about that second of hand on skin contact that can be so primal and hot. Often the first spank can happen accidentally or in the heat of the moment, while other times your partner may be more intentional with it. Either way, it is best for the first contact to happen after a few minutes of penetration after a rhythm and mood is established. The best technique is if he switches areas or butt cheeks and mixes the slapping in with some rubbing to smooth out the initial pain. This is a great time to bring some dirty talk into the mix to tell your partner if you want more, how hard, and how you like it. Bringing in the verbal communication helps your partner understand what you like and how to please you.

On average, men tend to be more of the spankers while women tend to me more of the grabbers. A great grabbing position is on your back, sometimes with one leg over his shoulder and grabbing his ass for more control over the penetration. This technique seems to be a win-win because on the bottom you can still have control and can target your G-spot, and he can get deeper inside you.

To view a video where the ladies talk about spanking - check out this one! Sex On Our Side and Spanking!

Many men seem to think that when a woman is on top (aka cowgirl position), she’ll climax. Sure, for many women it’s relatively easy, but for others it definitely is not a sure thing.

One variable is the degree of hardness. As Callie mentions in the video, being on top is a great way to get things going because you can straddle him when he’s not that hard. However, if he stays less than rock-solid, or becomes softer while in the position, reaching orgasm is more difficult. The key is for our clitoris to receive direct stimulation, and when a penis is less than super-hard, that stimulation isn’t as powerful.

Then there’s also the precise position while on top. Many women like it when they are sitting upright and moving their pelvis up and down. As Katie discusses, this works best either when the man manually moves the woman, or when he waits for her to set the rhythm, and he follows along (or, in some cases, does nothing!)

Other women like leaning forward while on top, basically being chest to chest with their partner. They find that configuration is better for clitoral stimulation. And while in this position a forward and back motion, as opposed to up and down, tends to work best.

Also, there’s the manner of staying comfortable. Many positions can become physically demanding after a while, and being on top is one of them. Our legs can become uncomfortable, our thighs can become sore … and all this while we’re trying to experience the pleasure of the moment and reach orgasm.

Yes, some women’s go-to orgasm position is on top, and we applaud them, but it’s not universal. It feels good for a while, but many women would agree, eventually it’s nice to move on.

Watch Video:  Sex On Top

When I first learned that all sex positions are derived from five basic ones, I was amazed – and weirdly relieved. I’ve always been totally intimidated by the Karma Sutra and those seemingly endless ways to have intercourse. And, not having a penis, it looked as if some of those positions could be quite painful. Also … back before I learned about the basic five, Nerve had a poster of “101 Positions” and was featuring them daily on their site. I had maybe done four out of the 101 at the time, but believed everyone else was having amazing sex and doing all 101 – in one night! But then to hear they’re all based on five …. phew!

That said I still use only a handful of the many variations. Of course, a lot of it has to do with my partner at the time, what he likes and what works for us together — but as Ducky stresses in the video, good positions are about comfort and the ability for consistent rhythmic thrusting. Add to that my desire to have access to my clitoris so that I can touch myself, and those 101 is reduced to, ah, um, maybe, for me, around 10.

In addition, like Ducky mentions, there are some positions that look sexy in the movies, but are actually difficult and not so comfortable. Standing for example. It can be hot if you/receiver are small and he/giver is big so that he can lift and hold you against the wall. However I’ve never been that small (or light!) and have no idea if it’s comfortable for both or either participant. And while standing can work if you are relatively the same height — it helps to wrap a leg around his pelvis if you are facing each other for deeper penetration. However, standing on one leg gets exhausting!

Same with sitting – which is a variation of girl/receiver on top. I’ve found to get the angle right I often have to use my thigh muscles to position my pelvis, and so it feels like I’m doing squats. Some women like that – I don’t.

Granted, sometimes you have to make do with whatever position is possible at the time – like in an airplane bathroom to join the mile high club or outside on a rocky surface. It’s in those situations where comfort is often abandoned for good old thrusting. And with the basic five to choose from – one will most likely get the job done!

Watch Video: A Guide To Sex Positions

In today’s video the women talk about missionary position. They all enjoy it, and three out of the five women on this panel can climax in missionary without any manual stimulation.

I continue to find it so interesting how different everyone is!! On another panel we did (Orgasm Go To Positions) none of the women could climax in missionary without masturbating. Fascinating, huh?? I believe there are a few things at work here.

The first is simply anatomy. We are all different sizes and none of our pelvises are exactly the same shape. Also, our lovers are different sizes so while we may be able to come via missionary without self-stimulation with one partner, we may not be able to with another based upon the way his penis and/or pelvis hits our clitoris.

There’s also experience. Some women know the exact position they need to be in, regardless of and/or based upon the size of their partner, for the friction to be precise in order to come via missionary. Lucky ladies!!

In addition, I also think it depends upon the type of orgasm or feeling one is looking for while on the bottom. Some women it seems don’t expect to have a clitoral orgasm while in missionary, just a vaginal orgasm. However, some experts say there isn’t really any such thing as a vaginal orgasm, that it’s actually a “blended” orgasm that includes the clitoris and vagina — otherwise there is no release.

That said, during our discussions this last year, many women think of the feeling of intense contractions within her vagina during sex as a vaginal orgasm regardless of no clitoral–like release. (Orgasm Sensations) And while the terminology may need to be perfected, I believe the more orgasms we are able to have — the better!

So anatomy, experience and perception, just a few reasons I believe many women can’t come in missionary without helping herself along, while others can. Now let’s go practice!

Watch Video: Orgasm and Missionary

I love the concept of “go to” orgasm positions – I unfortunately, do not have one. However as the women were discussing in the video, their “go tos” tend to be with a particular partner. But some women have “go tos” they can bust out with any partner. Lucky ladies!

Personally, a number of factors need to be in place to climax during a specific sex session. It can be any combination of the following …. mentally present (me and him), sufficient warm up time, feeling emotionally close with my partner, his level of arousal/sense of desire for me, the physicality of our bodies, and my ability to self-stimulate … to name a few (heh). Sometimes they all need to be present — sometimes I can get off without any being present except my ability to masturbate

Do you have a go to? What factors need to be present for you in order to orgasm? We would love to know. There’s a ton of us out here that need help and the more information we have the better…

Watch Video: Orgasm “Go To” Positions

Ah yes, it’s pretty much agreed upon that teeth are not welcome during any kind of oral sex.  What’s interesting though, in another panel, one of the women talks about a guy she was with who liked very light teeth use at times during fellatio.  Some men may enjoy it.  I wonder if they tend to lean more towards kink and s & m??

However, for most men, it should be avoided.  The problem is that our mouths are full of teeth!  And I’m sure during our early blow jobs, or while intoxicated, we’ve all had instances of inadvertent teeth use.  Not fun, but typical.

That said, if you find it happens more than occasionally, try changing position.  You can also practice keeping you lips tucked over your teeth.  According to http://www.icame.com

“Try placing your lips together with your teeth apart. Then open your lips slowly and keep your teeth apart and that should work perfectly.”

Hmm, sounds like a good technique.

To watch the video, click here: Teeth Use During Oral Sex