So yeah, today’s video is about relationship sex – but I want to chime in about hook ups!

Getting together with someone always sounds a lot easier than it really is.  Although my boy friend and I got together through hooking up, it was six months of excruciating mind fucks and game playing (which I totally denied doing).

He had TWO other girlfriends.  One who lived over seas, and the other, this other little biddy who was totally obsessed with him.  When she found out that we had made out, she lost her shit.  And to top it off, I went to her going away party, fully knowing that I had made out with her man!

The great thing about hooking up before actually jumping into a relationship with a person, is that you get to know a lot about them.  Don’t get me wrong, you are not going to know them inside and out, but it cuts out a lot of the relationship bullshit that usually occurs within the first three to four months.  It lets you see the person for who they really are (well as much as they will allow you), and it allows you to kind of try that person on; much like a shoe. You can get to know a lot about a person through pillow talk, which of course does not happen at first, but occurs over time (there is no way that it can’t in my opinion). You have just had sex together, you are both at your most vulnerable, it can be a really beautiful thing.

The one thing that I did learn inside and out about my boyfriend, is his body!  I knew everything about his body BEFORE WE WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP! This does not sound like a big thing, but I feel like it is.  We got to play with each other and figure out what the other person likes before we were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, which means that there was no pressure!  It was great!  There was no awkward sex, it was like we were two grown ass kids in a sandbox (each others sandbox).  By the time that we got together I could see, move and work his body with my eyes closed. It was and still is a really wonderful thing.

Watch Video: Relationship Sex, Part 1

Watching this video again helped me realize that what I thought had been confirmed as ‘man-fact’ for me, that men like to separate their one-night stands from the ladies they date (akin to a Madonna/Whore complex), is only a trend. Like any rule, there are the exceptions, and human beings, when you look at them long enough, are all made of beautiful exceptions.

The only commonality I can now find between my and the ladies’ stories of meeting our now-partners, was that it seems like none of us were expecting it, we were just open to the experience of being with a certain person. I think that when I freed myself from thinking about my now-boyfriend from a place of ‘courtship’ and neediness, and just from a genuine place of enjoying being with someone, I also freed myself from falling into the same emotional traps I set for myself in the past.

Love is something everyone has been trying to figure out for centuries, and I certainly can’t understand it, the only thing I know for sure is that it’s out there.