Every couple gets into a sexual rut now and then. It could be short lived – after a few sessions the sex feels boring and the couple shakes it up. Or, it could last a long, long time. Ever hear of the seven-year itch? Well, it’s more like a three-year itch for relationships and even less for sex. And considering how many headlines your see on women’s publications declaring suggestions for “Spicing Up Your Sex Life,” it would seem many people are in need of a boost.

Good sex takes work. It’s easy to get comfortable with a specific sexual routine because it’s relatively effortless. And humans are built to get used to things. In order to change the routine, one must usually make a conscious effort and be willing to experiment.

There are a number of ways out of a sexual rut. The key is that both parties are comfortable with the ideas and interested in trying them out. They include: new positions; introducing sex toys, using creams, oils, foods; new locations; and role play (involving props or not). There are also sex games available online and stores – and a huge realm of activities that fall under the category of “kink.”

Most important though, is to talk with your partner and acknowledge the situation (we know, communication blah blah blah, but it is SO important). And yeah, it sucks if one is bored while the other is content – but hopefully the contented party will want to help the other get excited and involved again since it will result in better sex (and, of course, because they care about their feelings).

A great way to find activities/elements to kick-start out of that rut is to tell each other the things you really like. Talk about the activities you’ve thought about doing in bed, the things you’ve done but want more of, and what you fantasize about. In most cases, a number of ideas will overlap – and hence worth trying or doing again.

So, if you find yourself in a rut, think of it as a good thing! It is the natural way to keep that libido bubbling!

And check out this link: Sex Ruts by Chantelle Austin it is a great six part series on ruts!

For videos on this issue:
Help With Boring Sex

Tips and Tricks for Better Sex

Here at Cherry TV a lot of women ask advice on how to select and buy a vibrator online. For those who don’t have access to a female-friendly toy store, or do not want to deal with finding and going to one, buying a vibrator (or any sex toy) online is a great option. And while you don’t have the opportunity to test out its feel and intensity (on your hand. heh.) many online stores provide enough details so that you can choose intelligently.

Before I go into what to ask yourself, and look for, I want to assure everyone that online sex toy stores tend to be quite discreet. They know that their customers don’t want their family members or mailman to know what has arrived, so your purchase is usually packed in a plain brown box with a generic-sounding company’s return address. In addition, the credit card bill often indicates that same generic-sounding company’s charge – and not the URL it was purchased under.

Okay, so buying a vibrator. I’m going to give you some general guidelines, and then direct you to other resources. There are a few sites that do a great job at explaining the various questions to keep in mind, so it’s silly to do it again here.

Firstly, you want to identify what you want the vibrator for. Is it to use alone during masturbation or with a partner during sex? Do you desire clitoral stimulation only, g-spot stimulation, clitoral and vaginal simultaneous stimulation?

If this is your first vibrator, and you are getting it primarily to help you reach orgasm on your own – either because you have never had an orgasm, or are finding using your hand is too much work – I would suggest a basic clitoral vibrator. There are a range of clitoral vibes you can get, from small battery operated models to relatively large plug ins. Some have just one setting others have a few (slow, medium, fast, circular, pulsing). When choosing, keep in mind that it’s possible to get used to the feeling of a vibrator. When this happens, it’s helpful to readjust expectations regarding the clitoral stimulation you’ll receive when having sex with a partner. This feeling/dependency on your vibrator, however, can always be reversed if you stop using it for a little while.

Secondly, does it matter if your vibe makes noise and can travel? If you don’t have to worry about noise and storage, something with a little more heft can be considered. Also, plug in models tend to offer a large range of intensity, and can have accessories that go with them (who doesn’t love accessories?!?!). However, if you live with others in a place with thin walls and want to be able to slip your vibrator in and out of your bag/storage area easily, make sure the model you buy is billed as quiet and battery operated.

Third, what is your price range. Some vibes are inexpensive – in the $10 to $15 range – others are not and can cost more than $100. One would think that cheaper in price means cheaper in make, but that’s not always the case. Some of the most well regarded models are on the inexpensive side.

These are three main issues to keep in mind. Sure, if you want to use it in the tub/shower, there are vibes for that. If you want it worn by your partner to stimulate you during sex, there are vibes for that. The following links go into it all in detail.

All I will say in conclusion is if you are considering buying a vibrator – then YES, go for it!! It’s awesome having a tool that basically guarantees orgasm. Vibrators enable us to reach orgasm relatively quickly. They teach us what kind of stimulation we like, where (ie. above the clitoris, on the left side, etc.). And it guides us repeatedly through the series of sensations experienced leading up to and coming down from orgasm — and hence allow us to experiment with ways to intensify and sustain those sensations.

For more information check out the following links:

My Pleasure Shopping Guide
Babeland’s Guide To Vibrator Shopping
Wild In Secret Vibrator Overview
Ten Things To Know About Vibrators

Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, through cunnilingus, it seems that the majority of women are able to hit the ‘Big O.’ This may not come as a shocking surprise. After all, the clitoris receives much more attention during oral sex. With 8,000 nerve fibers, this extraordinary organ has tremendous potential for sexual pleasure. So, here’s a few tips for success on your oral.

Tips for Giving Good Cunnilingus

Communication: Talking to your partner and taking constructive criticism can be some of the most difficult aspects of a sexual relationship. Yet, communication (of some sort or another) is vital to ensure both partners’ pleasure. For specific communication tips, check out our past article on sexual communication.

Warm-up: Begin by stimulating other erogenous zones, besides the clitoris. Lick, touch, and nibble on body parts such as the lips, ears, inner arms, anus, neck, clavicle, and nipples. (Not everyone’s erogenous zones are located at the exact same locations. It may take time and experimentation to find the spots that feel best.) Why is foreplay important? This type of stimulation can result in considerable blood flow to the genitals, which most women find to be a crucial first step for good oral sex. Stimulation of the erogenous zones also increases lubrication, which helps to protect the clitoris from irritation.

Different Techniques: There are many different variations of oral sex, which can be accomplished by switching up various pressures and patterns. Try everything from light licking to sucking. (Ask your partner for advice!) In regards to patterns, a popular trick is to use the tongue to spell out the alphabet over the clitoris. This technique provides many different types of shapes and sensations. Also, experiment with incorporating vaginal and/or anal penetration. You can use your fingers or sex toys.

Over-stimulation? If your partner complains that her clitoris feels too sensitive or painful, you’ll need to immediately readjust. She’s likely experiencing over-stimulation. If you had previously been holding the clitoral hood up to lick, this may be part of the problem. Though this technique is often effective in ‘small doses,’ many women complain that it can become overwhelming. You may also want to try pausing in between licks as well as reducing the pressure of your tongue. However, if your partner asks you to stop, quit! Take it as a learning-lesson, and, if you’re both interested, try again another time.

Tips for Receiving Good Cunnilingus

Position yourself: Feeling relaxed is critical for most women to be able to clear their minds and, consequently, reach orgasm. (Much of a woman’s orgasm is dependent on her mental state. In fact, some women have reported reaching orgasm with no physical touch at all!) So, test out different positions to find what’s most comfortable for your body, keeping in mind that the position may have to be maintained for an extended period of time. Popular positions include laying flat on the back with legs bent; sitting on a bed or chair; and squatting on all fours above the partner’s face in the ‘69’ position. For more details on ‘69’, see our past article on this position.

Take matters into your own hands: Whether you don’t have a partner or you simply want to get to know your body better, there are ways to simulate the feeling of oral sex on yourself. One method is to use a ‘tongue’ sex-toy. These little gadgets have a similar texture to the human tongue. They also operate with lapping motions, rather than vibrations. To find one, search online or in select stores.

For more information on cunnilingus, check out the following videos:

Tongue Use On Us During Cunnilingus
Bad Cunnilingus from a Woman
Climaxing from Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus Positioning

These days, vibrators are all the rage. In fact, studies have estimated that fifty-percent of Americans own a sex toy. From Tupperware-like gatherings to old-fashioned sex shops to candid online shopping, there are many different ways to get a hold of a vibrator (at least in most states.) And it’s no wonder they’re a hit. Masturbation is one of the most low-risk sexual activities in which a person can partake. Using a vibrator to masturbate is also nearly risk-free. Nevertheless, there are a few important things to keep in mind for a healthy body and planet.

Tips for Healthy Vibrator Use:

Protect Your Body: It’s critical to clean your vibrator after each use. If not, you run the risk of growing germs, which may lead to future bacterial infections. This is especially true if the sex toy is used around the vagina and then the anus, and vice-versa… In this instance, the toy should also be cleaned in between uses in these areas. If you’re sharing your vibrator with another person, it’s also possible to spread STDs back-and-forth. Generally speaking, you can clean toys in a mixture of 10 parts water and 1 part bleach- not the other way around! Refer to your product’s manual for more specific cleaning instructions. Additionally, if you’re inserting a vibrator (with chord) into the vagina, cover it with a condom first. That way, you can pull the condom out rather than yanking on the vibrator’s chord. If the chord is tugged on repeatedly, there’s a chance you may tear the wires, potentially giving yourself more of a shock than you probably bargained for. Though these risks are fairly minimal, it’s always smart to be on the safe side!

Protect Your Planet: To many, sex toys seem like a natural step to take in learning more about one’s body and sexuality. As a result, the consumeristic aspect of the sex toy industry is often ignored. When you don’t stop to think about vibrators as products, you may not consider the ways that their production and use inevitably affect the environment. Luckily, there are numerous ways to ‘go green’ in the bedroom. Look for rechargeable toys to avoid wasting batteries. If your vibrator does run on batteries, take them out when you store your toy. By leaving them in, you’ll not only run out of juice faster, but also you’ll run the risk of a battery leak. Additionally, you may want to pick out toys made of medical-grade silicone rather than polyvinylchloride (PVC) and phthalates. Some environmentalist groups, such as the Greenpeace, have worried that phthalates (which make PVC plastic flexible) may have harmful effects on the body, particularly in situations involving a great deal of friction. Without human testing, though, this issue is still highly debatable.

In case you’re concerned, there are a few easy ways to tell if your toy is made of phthalates. Check: does it have an overwhelmingly plastic/chemical smell? Is it squishy and flexible? Is it relatively inexpensive? If so, your product may contain phthalates. Some stores have discontinued all products containing this material, just in case. Others do not intend to do so without sufficient evidence. Ask a store employee or search online to find out more information on specific product details.

As you’ve probably heard, a vibrator can be an extremely effective tool for learning more about your body as well as heating up a relationship. So, if you’re digging the vibes, be safe and have fun!

For more information, watch these episodes:
The Buzz on Vibrators
Vibrators 101

In today’s episode, the ladies dish out their experiences with the ‘elusive’ G-spot.  Stimulation to this area of the body has been reported to cause intense, often multi-orgasmic sensations.  Yet, for some women, the G-spot still seems like more of a mystery than a reality.  For those still looking, here’s a guide to help you ‘hit the spot’ on your own or with a partner…
How to Find Your G-Spot:

(1) Get in the mood. The G-spot is normally only about the size of a pea but, with sexual arousal, can swell to the size of a walnut.  This increase in size can obviously make your search much easier!

(2) Feel for texture. Some people describe the tissue around the G-spot as rubbery.  Others describe the surface as crinkly.  The location of the G-spot varies slightly between women, so don’t get frustrated if it takes a while to find.

(3) Once you feel the tissue, apply pressure.  The G-spot is located within the vaginal wall, not outside of it.  Therefore, you may need firm, steady pressure to get it stimulated.  (The ‘come hither’ motion described in this video can be a really helpful technique.  To do this, insert a finger or two into the vagina and then curve upwards towards your belly button.)

(4) If you find the sudden urge to pee, bravo, you’ve likely hit it! (Just so you know, stimulation of the G-spot actually leads some women to release a fluid, called ‘female ejaculation,’ which is not urine.  If you still find it embarrassing or uncomfortable, try putting some towels beneath yourself beforehand.)

Though manual stimulation can be the easiest way for a woman to find her G-spot, it certainly isn’t the only way to hit it.  The G-spot can also be stimulated during intercourse, though some positions may be much more useful than others.  For instance, ‘doggy-style’ has been reported to be helpful for achieving the right angle.  Another position to try is a standing position. The woman stands at a dresser or table with her elbows on the surface. The man enters from behind and together they experiment with various types of thrusting and positioning to figure out the best angle and depth of penetration to use so that his penis hits her G-spot. However, this position won’t work for everyone because the height differential is a certainly a factor.

Sex toys can also be a useful way to hit the G-spot, especially since some women find the hand-angle uncomfortable to maintain during masturbation.  Check out some of our past episodes to learn about toys specifically designed to hit the G-spot:

G-Spot Basics
G-Spot Orgasm

When embarking on your G-spot search, keep in mind that not every women gets pleasure from this type of stimulation.  Some women who find the G-spot report feeling nothing.  Others find the sensation uncomfortable.  If it’s not working for you, let it be.  This does not make you dysfunctional!  No matter what, try to enjoy the time you take getting to know your body better.  Who knows?  You might even find some other great surprises along the way!