Little Cherry,

My girlfriend and I have been having some major relationship problems lately… Well, I guess most of the problems are actually mine. This is my first lesbian relationship… Although I’m crazy about my partner, I freeze up in bed and can’t become aroused. (This seems to be a combo of mental and physical problems.) I was wondering if there was some type of female Viagra out there that could help fix my arousal problem.

-Med-Head

Dear Med Head,

Nope, no female Viagra… At least not yet. Though many pharmaceutical meetings have been held to promote a future ‘Pink Viagra,’ clinical studies have nevertheless proven that sildenafil (a.k.a. Viagra) has no significant effect on female sexual arousal disorder for most women. How could this be? As you may know, some major differences generally exist between male and female sexual responses. For instance, research suggests that while men’s excitement seems to correlate with penile engorgement, women’s desire does not necessarily match up with their physiological excitement. Therefore, your arousal issue may have nothing to do with your blood flow ‘down there.’ [You really should be checked out by a physician to rule this out, though. It’s a critical first step in treating any sexual dysfunction!]

So, what’s a girl to do? Some doctors believe that the vast majority of women can relieve their sexual problems through education about female sexuality and sexual response. Unfortunately, many people’s sexual education only comes from high school sex-ed, which (if you had a program like mine) somehow finds a way to mysteriously omit the clit from female anatomical diagrams. For this reason, it may be beneficial for you to seek out other sources of information, whether through books, articles, forums, conversations, websites, counselors, doctors- you name it! [Might I recommend our video ‘Do I have a Disorder?’] Just make sure to use your best judgment in regards to the quality of info you’re getting throughout your search.

One more thought: do you think you may be having anxiety or confusion due to being in your first lesbian relationship? If so, this can certainly play a role in your arousal problems. Because we live in a society which constantly bombards us with images of ‘proper’ sexuality (i.e. guy/girl; same race; unrealistic bodies; blah, blah, blah), it’s easy to feel shame and guilt about deviating from the supposed norm. Talking your feelings out with your partner or another confidante might be helpful. A sex counselor or therapist could also have some useful suggestions for you, if you decide to take that route.

Best of luck (and keep asking questions),
Little Cherry

Have your own question?  Please send questions to “questions at cherrytv dot com”(trying to avoid the spam spiders by spelling it out!). We’ll attempt to address it here on the blog and possibly even cover it on a show.

Sexual dysfunction, for both men and women, can be embarrassing and confusing. As Dr. Yvonne Fulbright points out in ‘Male Sexual Disorders,’ there are many different types of physical, psychological, and emotional reasons for sexual disorders. Therefore, it may be difficult to pin-point the exact cause or causes of any symptom. (For women, this can be even trickier. After all, many women’s symptoms of sexual dysfunction can be linked to non-physical causes, such as lack of education about the body.) Though it would be impossible to map out an exhaustive list of all causes, this article will expand upon some of the other possible explanations for male sexual disorders.

Medication: Some types of medications, such as anti-depressants, may cause sexual disorders. If you’re having this experience, you may be tempted to immediately flush your pills down the toilet. However, this decision is a lot less logical than it may initially seem. Do not stop medication or reduce doses! This can be extremely harmful to your health. Instead, first talk to your clinician about your symptoms. He or she may be able to find a different type of medication, which will not have the same side-effects on your body.

Medical Conditions: Some medical conditions, such as diabetes and heart disease, may factor into a person’s sexual dysfunction. If this is the case, talk to your doctor to find out if medication or another form of treatment may be an option. (Note: some common medications for erectile dysfunction may be harmful for patients with heart problems. This is just one of the many reasons why it’s important not to get around a prescription by illegally purchasing pills online!)

“Impotence Domino Effect:” This phrase describes the phenomenon of anxiety leading to dysfunction, leading to anxiety, leading to dysfunction, and so on. People experiencing I.D.E. may find it extremely difficult to treat their symptoms, since the actual cause remains a mystery. If you seem to be having this experience, it may be useful to speak to a doctor in conjunction with a counselor or sexual therapist in order to formulate an effective treatment plan.

As Dr. Fulbright says, it’s important to speak to your doctor if you’re experiencing symptoms of a sexual disorder.  However, it may be painful or uncomfortable to bring your questions up. (In a perfect world, your doctor would instantly strip this conversation of any awkwardness. Unfortunately, though, many clinicians have not been specifically trained on how to speak to their patients about their sex lives. Nevertheless, he or she has almost certainly heard similar accounts from other patients in the past. Treating sexual disorders is not uncommon at all.) For your peace of mind, it may be useful to have an idea of how you’ll bring up your concerns before you actually speak to your doctor. You may want to begin by telling your doctor “This is really awkward to talk about in person, but I wanted to find out more about ‘x’” or “I’ve been reading up on ‘y’ a lot lately, and I was wondering if I could tell you about a symptom I’ve been experiencing.” Your doctor will then ask you a series of personal questions concerning your health and sex life. It will be more helpful (and less time-consuming) if you remain as direct as possible. Though seeking treatment can be difficult, take comfort in knowing relief is on its way.