There are many questions we often get here on Cherry TV - and while we have a number of videos that deal with those questions - I thought, for simplicity’s sake, I would answer them here too.

So, the first, and certainly most popular question we get from women is how to masturbate and reach orgasm. I will begin by saying, like everything in sex, it depends upon the person. There is no method that works for everyone. However, it’s a very rare woman who will not eventually climax via consistent stimulation of her clitoris.

To just make sure everyone is on the same page, the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (vulva meaning exterior parts while the vagina is the interior). Many women think, not surprisingly, that the clitoris is inside because we see women climaxing in movies during intercourse, so it would make sense that it’s inside. But it’s actually tucked below the “mons” area of the vulva (smooth part where hair grows) - and it’s stimulated when pressure is placed on it. If you want to know more about the clitoris, here’s our video on it:

All About the Clitoris

One of the most popular ways woman masturbate is on their back, using anywhere from one to three fingers to rub their clitoris. Some use a circular motion, some use up and down, some roll their clitoris in between two fingers - it’s really what ever feels best to you.

If, when you start, you’re not yet moist, feel free to lick your fingers to get started. Also, fantasy definitely helps.

Reaching orgasm through manual masturbation (the kind described here, not using a vibrator), can take anywhere from one minute to an hour. The more you do it, the easier and quicker it becomes.

Once masturbating, you can sense orgasm is coming when the “tingling,” for lack of a better word, starts. Everything starts to feel a little bit more “alive.” When that happens - keep going! You may be motivated to go faster and/or harder. You may want to flex your kegel muscles or hold your breath. It may feel like you have to pee - that’s natural - and don’t worry, you won’t (you may end up discharging female ejaculate, but it’s not urine). Whatever your body tells you it wants at that time, do it.

What’s going on during this period is that you are gearing up for a release - the release being orgasm.

When the release hits, it can feel a number of different ways. Sometimes it’s short, like a blip. Sometimes it’s long and drawn out. Often you’ll feel waves of sensation course through your body.

Afterwords you’ll be a little spent. But unlike men, we can usually start over again within a few minutes (seconds?). At that time, you may want to try another method - on your stomach using a pillow or other surface to rub against.

That’s it - an overview. Please let us know your methods! If it works for you — it will work for thousands more!!

And for more information, check out these masturbation videos.

Learning To Masturbate
Masturbation Methods
Masturbation Techniques

You hear it all the time. In magazines, advice columns, and here on Cherry TV. People are always telling you “how to get what you want” in bed. And the big question that a lot of women have and so few ask is, “what exactly IS IT that I want?”

It seems like weird question.  Shouldn’t I know? NO! You shouldn’t. Like anything else, you have to learn. When I first became sexually active, this was a huge problem for me. I kept hearing that to make my sex life better I just had to ask for what I wanted. The problem was, I just didn’t get what it was I was supposed to be asking for. As far as I knew, I didn’t really have any special fantasies, nor did I identify myself with any fetishes. I just wanted to have sex, and I wanted it to feel good. And when I hooked up with a guy, it was either good or it wasn’t, and I had no idea why.

The thing is…like many other young women, I equated being sexually independent and sexually active with being sexually empowered, and that really isn’t the case. In order to truly be sexually empowered, you have to be sexually self-aware.

How do you become sexually self-aware?

• Masturbate…Intelligently. And Frequently.

Before I became sexually self-aware, it’s not that I didn’t masturbate. Actually, I masturbated all the time, and pretty much always in the same way. But I never really thought about what I was doing, I just kind of went for it. That, my friends, is NOT masturbating intelligently. The next time you go solo, here’s what you should do.

* Make sure you have a substantial block of time to devote to masturbating, and make sure you’re in the right mood. Do whatever you need to do…light candles, put on some music, hang black leather curtains on your windows…..whatever’s going to make you feel relaxed and sexy.

*Now, start masturbating the way you normally do, and PAY ATTENTION to the movements you’re making. Are you touching your breasts while you masturbate? How? Are you squeezing or caressing? What are you doing with your clit…are you rubbing or flicking? Are you going fast or slow? Ask yourself all the simple questions you would never THINK to ask yourself because it’s so natural to you. Think of it this way…your partner won’t just “naturally” know how to touch you!

*Purposefully change your movements, and see if it feels better or worse. Move your fingers up and down on your clitoris instead of in a circle…try squeezing it or lightly slapping it, and pay attention to how your body responds. Touch your inner thighs, touch your neck, and again…PAY ATTENTION. Maybe you’ll find that there’s some movement that works better for you than your old routine, and that’s a plus…but most of all, you’re doing this so you can get a handle on exactly what motions work to get you off.

*Masturbating is a great way to find out what physical motions your body responds to, but it’s also a good way to figure out what kind of tone you’re looking for in a sexual encounter. What are you thinking about when you masturbate? A lot of times, the answer is…nothing. So make a conscious effort to imagine different sexual scenarios when you’re lovin’ on yourself. Having trouble coming up with material? This brings me to technique number two.

• Watch Porn!

*It’s not exactly scientific, and sure…what you’re watching isn’t always realistic, but you’ll get the general idea. Watch as many different kinds of porn as you can…softcore, hardcore, fetish porn, whatever you can find. And what are you going to do? You’re going to PAY ATTENTION. You’ll find yourself involuntarily getting turned on by certain scenes and certain actions. Ask yourself why! Did you like that the sex was rough? Did you like the idea of being slowly caressed? Did you like the idea of being dominated? Of dominating? A lot of times, we don’t stop and ask ourselves these simple questions, and they are SO crucial to realizing sexual desires that you didn’t even know you had.

• But Don’t Limit Yourself to Porn!

*Don’t just think about what gets you off when you’re watching a porno, think about it any chance you get! Any time you get turned on…watching a movie, reading a book, people watching, make a mental note. Any time you’re just bored and need something to do, FANTASIZE. The key to being sexually self-aware is not just having sex, or thinking about having sex, it’s thinking about HOW you LIKE to have sex.

In the short run, these tricks will help steer you in the right direction when you’re trying to figure out what you want out of sex, and out of your partner. But in the long run, like anything else, it’s a process. The more you do it, the more you’ll learn. And now that you know what you want? Go on and get it, girl!

Videos on this topic: Why We Love Masturbation, Better Sex Through Self Loving, Sex and Body Image

Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, through cunnilingus, it seems that the majority of women are able to hit the ‘Big O.’ This may not come as a shocking surprise. After all, the clitoris receives much more attention during oral sex. With 8,000 nerve fibers, this extraordinary organ has tremendous potential for sexual pleasure. So, here’s a few tips for success on your oral.

Tips for Giving Good Cunnilingus

Communication: Talking to your partner and taking constructive criticism can be some of the most difficult aspects of a sexual relationship. Yet, communication (of some sort or another) is vital to ensure both partners’ pleasure. For specific communication tips, check out our past article on sexual communication.

Warm-up: Begin by stimulating other erogenous zones, besides the clitoris. Lick, touch, and nibble on body parts such as the lips, ears, inner arms, anus, neck, clavicle, and nipples. (Not everyone’s erogenous zones are located at the exact same locations. It may take time and experimentation to find the spots that feel best.) Why is foreplay important? This type of stimulation can result in considerable blood flow to the genitals, which most women find to be a crucial first step for good oral sex. Stimulation of the erogenous zones also increases lubrication, which helps to protect the clitoris from irritation.

Different Techniques: There are many different variations of oral sex, which can be accomplished by switching up various pressures and patterns. Try everything from light licking to sucking. (Ask your partner for advice!) In regards to patterns, a popular trick is to use the tongue to spell out the alphabet over the clitoris. This technique provides many different types of shapes and sensations. Also, experiment with incorporating vaginal and/or anal penetration. You can use your fingers or sex toys.

Over-stimulation? If your partner complains that her clitoris feels too sensitive or painful, you’ll need to immediately readjust. She’s likely experiencing over-stimulation. If you had previously been holding the clitoral hood up to lick, this may be part of the problem. Though this technique is often effective in ‘small doses,’ many women complain that it can become overwhelming. You may also want to try pausing in between licks as well as reducing the pressure of your tongue. However, if your partner asks you to stop, quit! Take it as a learning-lesson, and, if you’re both interested, try again another time.

Tips for Receiving Good Cunnilingus

Position yourself: Feeling relaxed is critical for most women to be able to clear their minds and, consequently, reach orgasm. (Much of a woman’s orgasm is dependent on her mental state. In fact, some women have reported reaching orgasm with no physical touch at all!) So, test out different positions to find what’s most comfortable for your body, keeping in mind that the position may have to be maintained for an extended period of time. Popular positions include laying flat on the back with legs bent; sitting on a bed or chair; and squatting on all fours above the partner’s face in the ‘69’ position. For more details on ‘69’, see our past article on this position.

Take matters into your own hands: Whether you don’t have a partner or you simply want to get to know your body better, there are ways to simulate the feeling of oral sex on yourself. One method is to use a ‘tongue’ sex-toy. These little gadgets have a similar texture to the human tongue. They also operate with lapping motions, rather than vibrations. To find one, search online or in select stores.

For more information on cunnilingus, check out the following videos:

Tongue Use On Us During Cunnilingus
Bad Cunnilingus from a Woman
Climaxing from Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus Positioning

Sure, it may be the most popular number in Junior High bathroom stalls… But, for many, ‘69’ is a timeless favorite between the sheets. Named after the way in which the numbers 6 and 9 fit perfectly together, this position has many variations, which allow for partners to both give and receive oral sex simultaneously. There’s partner (a) on top, partner (b) on top, side-to-side/head-to-toe, standing, and so on and so forth. Many appreciate ‘69’ for the [literal] in-your-face intimacy it requires. Yet, for others, that vulnerability is precisely what makes it an unappealing position. If you’re keen on the idea (but are still feeling a little uneasy), here’s a few tips for mathematical bliss.

Tips for the ‘69’ Position:

(1) Shower first. In ’69,’ you might as well forget the concept of personal space. Your genitals will, in fact, be up close and personal. If you don’t feel clean, this position can be extremely unnerving. So, do whatever preparations are necessary for you to personally feel attractive in the ‘69’ position. [On a similar note, you’ll likely want your partner to do the same. If you find it awkward to bring up, suggest showering together beforehand. Not only can it make ‘69’ more pleasurable, but it can also act as foreplay.]

(2) Experiment with weight/pressure. Depending on the variation of ’69,’ you might be dealing with the body weight of your partner on top of you (or vice-versa). To some (including Alex on this episode), this is a very positive experience. Others find it uncomfortable or distracting. Experiment with different variations in order to find an arrangement that’s comfortable for both you and your partner.

(3) Use delayed starts. In most relationships, both partners do not tend to orgasm at exactly the same moment. Therefore, it might be useful for one person to start performing oral sex before the other begins. (Be forewarned that the visual aspect of ‘69’ has been known to send many off the deep end much more quickly than in other positions. Timing will be something to work on.)

(4) Give your partner a hand. As a person approaches orgasm in ’69,’ it’s often difficult to continue focusing on the giving aspect of oral sex. At this point, it may be useful to incorporate the hands instead. (And for those who clench their jaws together during orgasm, please take this as a friendly yet firm suggestion from me to you!)

Certainly, this position can prove to be a challenge.  Yet, for many, ‘69′ is no longer an odd number.  Tips on oral sex may also help to improve your experience…

For some general tips on oral sex, check out these past postings on our blog: Oral Sex Topics

Also, find out more tips on our episode “Oral Sex Tricks”

The women talk about balls as being sensitive in this video, but from what I understand, they are a little hardier than we think.  That’s not to say some guys won’t flinch if you suddenly grab one, but they can be played with a little more force than we may be used to.  But still … watch those nails!!

Ball play doesn’t only have to occur during blowjobs.  Some guys dig it whenever! A tip I learned from “A Guide to Getting It On” is to have your man lie face down on the bed and lightly massage the back part of his scrotum with your fingertips.  At times, even venture towards his perineum (aka Taint – the area between the balls and anus).  It’s quite a turn on when combined with the sensation of your breasts rubbing his side and back, and your legs and vulva straddling different areas of his lower body.  Hot, huh?!?

Another ball play “how to” is to fondle them during sex.  There are a number of positions during intercourse where his balls can be reached and played with including doggie style (from between your legs), on top (reach behind) or reverse on top (hello balls!).  But if playing with his balls becomes too distracting, stop.  Orgasm isn’t easy, and sometimes it takes all our attention to get there.  As I am sure he would agree, no need to waste that energy on his balls!