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Sexual Stirrings
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Sexual Stirrings
Featuring:
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09/23/2008 11:47:52
11/21/2008 09:16:44
Courtney, in your case, though I am not an expert there are a few things I would try: keep going. Is it possible you are forgetting how long it took the first time and you are giving up too earlier? Some women take a REALLY long time (present company included) like 40 minutes. Tiring, yeah - but the payoff is worth it! Plus, the more you do it, the easier and quicker it gets.
Fantasy/Relaxing - Is your head in the right space for orgasm? Orgasm is as much mental as it is physical. You've got to be aroused and relaxed and ready to come. If you are having a hard time thinking up your own fantasy (not uncommon!!!) there are a lot of great erotica books for women with sexy little stories in them (two sailor, empty beach and me was always one of my favorites).
And finally, if all else fails, or - if you just want to go right there - vibe baby vibe. I have yet to meet a woman who has not had an orgasm within seconds, yeah seconds, the first time she put a vibrator next to her clitoris. There are a lot of great models and locations online to buy them where no one will know. We did a whole show on vibrators here:
http://www.cherrytv.com/video/ … rators-101
Hope that helps! You're so going to come soon. I know it!! Enjoy!
ps: However you ending coming alone, start by doing it that same way with a partner. A man shouldn't be threatened or mind if you bring toys into the bedroom. It's less work for him!
11/22/2008 22:43:57
First and foremost, it's great to see you responding to question people put forth in the comments. Nice one.
In your comment above you mention that orgasm for women is achieved through the clitoris only. I am aware of this view, which typically also includes the idea that even when orgasm is achieved through penetration it is in fact the man's pelvis (etc.) putting pressure on the clitoral region which brings about the orgasm.
What I would like to add to this discussion is that in my experience orgasm is achievable without any direct contact with or stimulation of the clitoris. My partners (no, not partners plural at the same time... rather partners over the years :-) ) commonly (and consistently) reach orgasm through my consciously moving my awareness/energy/chi/call-it-what-you-like from my penis and up through their body (yes, this comment is being made by a man).
There need not be any contact with the clitoris, and no pressure on the clitoris, and in fact typically no physical movement whatsoever. I am simply in the vagina, without moving, being fully present with my attention/awareness inside the women's body and by moving my attention/awareness in a particular way my partner will nearly always immediately orgasm. It can happen so immediately that if I make love in this way, I make a point of not doing this until we have made love for as long as we wish to... because the woman may find she is "done" much sooner than she wanted to be.
I am told the nature of this organism is different from one that involves the clitoris and one that involves normal sexual intercourse (i.e. thrusting with the penis, etc.). I am told it feels deeper and more of a full body experience -- it feels like it arises at the very deepest part of the vagina, in some place where my partner says normally she does not feel anything during sex. I am also aware that if the woman is seeking some kind of superficial "release" through love-making then this type of orgasm, whilst potentially very intense, may not provide that sense of release in the way clitoral stimulation would (either through masturbation or during love-making). I am told, however, that the women no long feels like achieving some form of release (stress/tension release) after making love in this way (i.e. it's satisfying)
Anyway... that's enough from me. Just something I felt to share.
So whilst clitoral stimulation may commonly be the primary path to orgasm for many women (and whilst having sex with perhaps the majority of men), there are other ways.
Again, keep up the great work and comment browsing / replying. I am sure people find it very helpful.
Regards...
JE
11/26/2008 08:37:07
12/02/2008 20:20:08
Heads up... as mentioned in my comment... this is a MALE writing. Your reply suggests you thought I was a woman.
With regards to the "release" side of things... I wasn't referring to ejaculation (in my case). That seems to be optional... sometimes... and somewhat involuntary at other times.
With regards to my partner and what I was referring to as a "release"... hmm... it's hard to describe as I am not a woman. But based on discussion with my partner... it's perhaps likes this: If she is feeling emotionally/sexually pent up for lack of a better word (or something to that effect) and wants some kind of "release" from that feeling by having an orgasm then she might find a clitoral orgasm is going do do the trick better than what I've described in my previous comment. One way of looking at it is this... the form of love making (and the orgasm it results in) I have described is for the women an experience that takes her into a deeper, softer space, and felt-sense within the body and up the spine. A clitoral orgasm is more likely to lead her (her energy, body-sense, what to call it?) outward... to a more superficial place within her sense of being. One is more of a movement inward, the other is more of a movement outward.
As a release is generally geared towards letting something go outwardly, a clitoral orgasm might be better suited to that. That was the point I was making in that regard.
You mention feeling "spent". Well, my interpretation of that words suggests the effect of more of an outwardly orientated orgasm/sexual experience. As a man, if I feel "spent" (i.e. tired, foggy, dozy, etc.) after sex then I don't enjoy it so much. I prefer to feel ecstatic or at least mildly energised. For my partner... after the kind of orgasm/love-making I've describe, she is more likely to feel refreshed, and like she could happily continue love-making, or not. Certainly not "spent".
"...then it's an orgasm"... yes, that much is certain.
I've never tried putting this into words before, so please excuse me if the above seems vague or not clearly comprehensible.
Regards,
JE
12/12/2008 06:18:39
12/31/2008 00:26:53
There DEFINITELY nothing wrong with you -- and it's not a matter of being weak. Many women can't get off during sex with a man -- many, many women. Ques -- are you referring just to intercourse with a man, or anything sexual -- like doggie style while you stimulate yourself? If it's the former, statistics range, but I've read anywhere from only 40% to 60% of women can get off from penis/vagina stimulation alone. It it's the latter, it could be that it's difficult mentally to get in that space because your concentrating on your partner or focusing on the insertion. Either way -- it's okay. If it's painful though, you may want to talk to a doctor. However, regarding getting off during sex -- maybe what you want to suggest to your BF that you masturbate after he's come. However, ask that he touch and kiss you all over while it's going on so that it's actually a shared experience. Please know, there's no right or wrong way to have sex. And it's certainly not worth judging yourself or comparing yourself to other women! I'm sorry you feel this way, but it's great you're talking about it. Good luck!
12/31/2008 00:59:36
01/01/2009 12:52:40
01/01/2009 13:19:16
01/08/2009 16:38:29
07/14/2009 01:00:34
I've wanted to have sex since i was pretty young, because of a girl I looked up to. Guys werent interested in me because of medical problems, but she had heaps of boyfriends because she would do sexual things with them (i.e. head, sex, anal, etc.) She told me and her younger sister who was about the same age as me about all the things she did.
I got my first boyfriend when i was 12. We only kissed, no tongue which made me pretty angry.
My first french kiss was when i was 12 going on 13 with a guy who was 16...after that he fingered me and we did other things, I always wanted to have sex, but I was to scared to say anything, so we never did. During that year i had a few boyfriends...who i let feel me up, and stuff like that...while still seeing the 16 year old guy after school some days.
I had to move at the end of that year. After that i became interested in girls....whenever i got close to someone like a friend, i felt sexually attracted to them. It was a bit upsetting because i got called a lesbian or a bisexual, and i was only 13-14.
I had sex at 15, with a guy in a public toilet. Not a great first time. It only lasted about a minute i think.
After all the things that have happened...Its taken me until now to realise, doing those things wont make them like me...Its just putting myself down.
You guys do a really great job, you've helped me through choosing a form of contraception, and learning that i'm not the only one that cant come during sex! i'm surprised its so common.
Thankyou so much.
01/14/2010 06:04:54
If you find you are not being pleasured, then let your partner know. Most men I know love to please their partner.
01/21/2010 14:02:38
First you are who you are. Do not have sex because you want a person to like or love you. He or she should love you as you are. My wife and I have hidden disabilities. This can make things difficult in life. But we still love each other. Other than that I do not want to give any advice.
01/21/2010 14:11:43
01/22/2010 23:00:47
03/15/2010 01:27:41
I am a female writing this and I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you are talking about in your first comment. In fact, I have even been able to have one of the best orgasms in my life (that deep, full body type you were talking about) just by going into a veerrryyy deep mediation. No stimulation whatsoever on any part of my body. And so I believe it is possible to achieve a great orgasm without stimulation. Granted, it's not as fast as flicking on a vibrator but it's also a different orgasm.
There is also, for me, a difference between when I have just purely clitoral orgasms and when I get off from rubbing my clit and having something inside of me. Both are enjoyable. Just different.
05/19/2010 19:45:07
10/25/2012 02:26:58