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On this episode the women talk about those stirrings - the sexual feelings they experienced when they were little - and their response. Some reacted right away and began masturbating, other waited years until they started exploring. (4:50)
Comment by: cotwin
wen i had my first orgasm i was 15, through masturbating, i haven't really had a orgasm like that since. i thoroughly enjoy sex but it hasn't been like that one time... small orgasms maybe but nothing big, and that is the only time i have ever gotten off though masturbating, any suggestions?
Comment by: courtneynnc
Hi Courtney - I don't think you need me to say this but in case other women who are reading this do - the route to female orgasm is not through our vagina/birth canal. It is our clitoris. Our clitoris is external, though protected by a "hood", thick swab of skin, and is located at the top of our vulva (vulva referring to all the exterior parts of our vagina). When our clitoris is rubbed/touched/handled however feels good consistently, we reach orgasm.
Courtney, in your case, though I am not an expert there are a few things I would try: keep going. Is it possible you are forgetting how long it took the first time and you are giving up too earlier? Some women take a REALLY long time (present company included) like 40 minutes. Tiring, yeah - but the payoff is worth it! Plus, the more you do it, the easier and quicker it gets.
Fantasy/Relaxing - Is your head in the right space for orgasm? Orgasm is as much mental as it is physical. You've got to be aroused and relaxed and ready to come. If you are having a hard time thinking up your own fantasy (not uncommon!!!) there are a lot of great erotica books for women with sexy little stories in them (two sailor, empty beach and me was always one of my favorites).
And finally, if all else fails, or - if you just want to go right there - vibe baby vibe. I have yet to meet a woman who has not had an orgasm within seconds, yeah seconds, the first time she put a vibrator next to her clitoris. There are a lot of great models and locations online to buy them where no one will know. We did a whole show on vibrators here:
http://www.cherrytv.com/video/ … rators-101
Hope that helps! You're so going to come soon. I know it!! Enjoy!
ps: However you ending coming alone, start by doing it that same way with a partner. A man shouldn't be threatened or mind if you bring toys into the bedroom. It's less work for him!
Comment by: Cherry TV Chickalee
This is a response to Chickalee.
First and foremost, it's great to see you responding to question people put forth in the comments. Nice one.
In your comment above you mention that orgasm for women is achieved through the clitoris only. I am aware of this view, which typically also includes the idea that even when orgasm is achieved through penetration it is in fact the man's pelvis (etc.) putting pressure on the clitoral region which brings about the orgasm.
What I would like to add to this discussion is that in my experience orgasm is achievable without any direct contact with or stimulation of the clitoris. My partners (no, not partners plural at the same time... rather partners over the years :-) ) commonly (and consistently) reach orgasm through my consciously moving my awareness/energy/chi/call-it-what-you-like from my penis and up through their body (yes, this comment is being made by a man).
There need not be any contact with the clitoris, and no pressure on the clitoris, and in fact typically no physical movement whatsoever. I am simply in the vagina, without moving, being fully present with my attention/awareness inside the women's body and by moving my attention/awareness in a particular way my partner will nearly always immediately orgasm. It can happen so immediately that if I make love in this way, I make a point of not doing this until we have made love for as long as we wish to... because the woman may find she is "done" much sooner than she wanted to be.
I am told the nature of this organism is different from one that involves the clitoris and one that involves normal sexual intercourse (i.e. thrusting with the penis, etc.). I am told it feels deeper and more of a full body experience -- it feels like it arises at the very deepest part of the vagina, in some place where my partner says normally she does not feel anything during sex. I am also aware that if the woman is seeking some kind of superficial "release" through love-making then this type of orgasm, whilst potentially very intense, may not provide that sense of release in the way clitoral stimulation would (either through masturbation or during love-making). I am told, however, that the women no long feels like achieving some form of release (stress/tension release) after making love in this way (i.e. it's satisfying)
Anyway... that's enough from me. Just something I felt to share.
So whilst clitoral stimulation may commonly be the primary path to orgasm for many women (and whilst having sex with perhaps the majority of men), there are other ways.
Again, keep up the great work and comment browsing / replying. I am sure people find it very helpful.
Comment by: JE
Thanks JE, I really appreciate your posting. We actually discuss this in the video called "Orgasm Sensations" (
http://www.cherrytv.com/video/ … sensations
). What I find interesting is that you say you don't need any form of release after experiencing that type of internal/vaginal orgasm. Unfortunately, the sexologists I've spoken to (and in our video “Types of Female Orgasm) discuss “blended orgasms” (clit and vagina) and “G-spot” orgasms but not just vaginal orgasms, however, I'm going to keep asking. In my estimation, if it makes you feel amazing and totally satisfied and spent, and not needing a "release" in the classic clitoral (and male, heh) sense, then it's an orgasm!!! Thanks again for the info, you lucky woman!!!
Comment by: Cherry TV Chickalee
Thanks Chickalee. I'll check out that video. Always up for further discovery.
Heads up... as mentioned in my comment... this is a MALE writing. Your reply suggests you thought I was a woman.
With regards to the "release" side of things... I wasn't referring to ejaculation (in my case). That seems to be optional... sometimes... and somewhat involuntary at other times.
With regards to my partner and what I was referring to as a "release"... hmm... it's hard to describe as I am not a woman. But based on discussion with my partner... it's perhaps likes this: If she is feeling emotionally/sexually pent up for lack of a better word (or something to that effect) and wants some kind of "release" from that feeling by having an orgasm then she might find a clitoral orgasm is going do do the trick better than what I've described in my previous comment. One way of looking at it is this... the form of love making (and the orgasm it results in) I have described is for the women an experience that takes her into a deeper, softer space, and felt-sense within the body and up the spine. A clitoral orgasm is more likely to lead her (her energy, body-sense, what to call it?) outward... to a more superficial place within her sense of being. One is more of a movement inward, the other is more of a movement outward.
As a release is generally geared towards letting something go outwardly, a clitoral orgasm might be better suited to that. That was the point I was making in that regard.
You mention feeling "spent". Well, my interpretation of that words suggests the effect of more of an outwardly orientated orgasm/sexual experience. As a man, if I feel "spent" (i.e. tired, foggy, dozy, etc.) after sex then I don't enjoy it so much. I prefer to feel ecstatic or at least mildly energised. For my partner... after the kind of orgasm/love-making I've describe, she is more likely to feel refreshed, and like she could happily continue love-making, or not. Certainly not "spent".
"...then it's an orgasm"... yes, that much is certain.
I've never tried putting this into words before, so please excuse me if the above seems vague or not clearly comprehensible.
Comment by: JE
I feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't get off with a man, only by myself. It's been like this all my life(in my 40s now). With a man it's more for the ego boost than pleasure, and it ranges from only mildly pleasurable to downright PAINFUL! Friends tell me I just haven't found the right guy, but my ex's girlfriend can get off no matter what position he puts her in, and she's multiorgasmic too, which I'm not, even by myself. I'm a one time rocket going off, then I'm wiped out and have to sleep. Maybe I'm just not wired right, or just weak. But I know I'll never get off with a man. It's frustrating and sad.
Comment by: Moonfire
There DEFINITELY nothing wrong with you -- and it's not a matter of being weak. Many women can't get off during sex with a man -- many, many women. Ques -- are you referring just to intercourse with a man, or anything sexual -- like doggie style while you stimulate yourself? If it's the former, statistics range, but I've read anywhere from only 40% to 60% of women can get off from penis/vagina stimulation alone. It it's the latter, it could be that it's difficult mentally to get in that space because your concentrating on your partner or focusing on the insertion. Either way -- it's okay. If it's painful though, you may want to talk to a doctor. However, regarding getting off during sex -- maybe what you want to suggest to your BF that you masturbate after he's come. However, ask that he touch and kiss you all over while it's going on so that it's actually a shared experience. Please know, there's no right or wrong way to have sex. And it's certainly not worth judging yourself or comparing yourself to other women! I'm sorry you feel this way, but it's great you're talking about it. Good luck!
Comment by: Cherry TV Chickalee
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I'm glad I'm not in the minority! But the boyfriend is back with is ex now and getting what he wants. And to your question, it's JUST intercourse with a man. I get my vibrator or a stream of water and it's almost instantaneous, especially near ovulation or when I've been watching/listening to something naughty. Oral sex has gotten me CLOSE, but then he starts sucking instead of licking, or kind of biting(and that hurts like hell and pisses me off!) and I lose it. I'm kind of glad I'm not with him anymore because he didn't want to compromise his behaviors anyway, no matter how many times I asked him how I liked it. And it didn't help that HE compared me to his ex and bragged about all the things she could do, and how padded she was and I wasn't. I got so angry at him and her that that killed the mood a lot of times too. I was pretty much just a backup lover, not the chosen one, not the desired one, and that did NOTHING for myself esteem. He was always pining for her, and after months of putting up with his alcoholism, mental and physical abuse, forcing me to buy cigarettes/alcohol/food for him, lying, insults/comparisons and headgames (this went on for more than a year until he got arrested last summer) I finally told him I'd had enough. He even proposed marriage to me after ANOTHER woman turned out to be a user and a liar to get HIS money and didn't want him anymore. I turned him down because he was only willing to settle for me, not really WANTED me. And his ex changed her mind, left the man SHE was with and took him back. So now they're happily(and hornily) back together again, seemingly forever. I'm glad I don't have the heartache and frustration anymore, but I still feel jealous of her and the attention she's getting. But I know I gotta get over it.
Comment by: moonfire
Oh, to answer the original question, I had my first climax when I was only 3 years old. Is that too young? It happened by accident, when I was casually caressing my stomach and the ripples went down to my crotch. Then I quickly learned that a finger would do the rest. I felt amazed but so ashamed, but after that it was addicting and I used to go in my room every day and get off 4 to 5 times in a row. I was multiorgasmic when I was kid but I can't do that anymore. Don't have the energy.
Comment by: moonfire
The first time I orgasmed, I was 17, and I was devastated at first because i thought that I'd peed all over myself LOL. I didn't learn until a year or so later that it was female ejaculate. Unfortunately, since then, I haven't been able to ejaculate :-(
Comment by: Krista478
While I agree with Cherry that it is easier for most women to get of through clitoral stimulation, it is definately not true that that is the only way. My first orgasm, and many thereafter was achieved purely through penetration -with a tube of chapstick no less (sadly no one stepped up to introduce me to vibrators early in puberty). Personaly I didn't know that I had a clit or that I could be pleasured by it untill I had been reaching orgasm regularly for 2 years. Bottom line-everyone is a little different, find out what works for you :)
Comment by: Sunflowergirl
I'm 17, I've been masturbating since i was about 11. I first started using my fingers, but i quickly moved on to pencils, and then those jumbo textas. but i didnt realise you're meant to go inside the vagina. I just rubbed against my clit with something hard.
I've wanted to have sex since i was pretty young, because of a girl I looked up to. Guys werent interested in me because of medical problems, but she had heaps of boyfriends because she would do sexual things with them (i.e. head, sex, anal, etc.) She told me and her younger sister who was about the same age as me about all the things she did.
I got my first boyfriend when i was 12. We only kissed, no tongue which made me pretty angry.
My first french kiss was when i was 12 going on 13 with a guy who was 16...after that he fingered me and we did other things, I always wanted to have sex, but I was to scared to say anything, so we never did. During that year i had a few boyfriends...who i let feel me up, and stuff like that...while still seeing the 16 year old guy after school some days.
I had to move at the end of that year. After that i became interested in girls....whenever i got close to someone like a friend, i felt sexually attracted to them. It was a bit upsetting because i got called a lesbian or a bisexual, and i was only 13-14.
I had sex at 15, with a guy in a public toilet. Not a great first time. It only lasted about a minute i think.
After all the things that have happened...Its taken me until now to realise, doing those things wont make them like me...Its just putting myself down.
You guys do a really great job, you've helped me through choosing a form of contraception, and learning that i'm not the only one that cant come during sex! i'm surprised its so common.
Thankyou so much.
Comment by: Kaitlyn
I am a man. I have said this before. A women told me years ago that you can tell if a person is a giving person when you get them in bed. If they "try" to please you they are a giving person. I have been with both.
If you find you are not being pleasured, then let your partner know. Most men I know love to please their partner.
Comment by: munch
First you are who you are. Do not have sex because you want a person to like or love you. He or she should love you as you are. My wife and I have hidden disabilities. This can make things difficult in life. But we still love each other. Other than that I do not want to give any advice.
Comment by: munch
When I was growing up we had a handheld showerhead and I would shower with that. When I was about 9 or 10 I remember lingering more and more after rinsing myself with the water hitting the right place until I would see stars! :) I didn't know what it was I just know that it felt good so I kept doing it. Sometimes I would try to see how many times I could make that happen before I got out of the shower. I did that for years and finally realized when I was a teenager that it was orgasms I had been having all that time! Things were much different when I started having sex though. I knew that I Could have orgasms, but it was a matter of wanting to. I only want to share that with people who are "worthy". Still to this day, if I have a gratuitous lover who is someone I love then I am uninhibited. Otherwise, I keep my orgasms to myself :)
Comment by: Izzy
those stories you few people told of your sex history really interest me. see i've never masterbated and i kinda don't plan to. it just seems or/and dirty to me. (Not that im against people who do!) but i've been hearing poeple say its a wonderful expierence? and they celebrate it? (p.s. im a teen not a 30 year old. lol)
Comment by: KayKay
This is for JE.
I am a female writing this and I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you are talking about in your first comment. In fact, I have even been able to have one of the best orgasms in my life (that deep, full body type you were talking about) just by going into a veerrryyy deep mediation. No stimulation whatsoever on any part of my body. And so I believe it is possible to achieve a great orgasm without stimulation. Granted, it's not as fast as flicking on a vibrator but it's also a different orgasm.
There is also, for me, a difference between when I have just purely clitoral orgasms and when I get off from rubbing my clit and having something inside of me. Both are enjoyable. Just different.
Comment by: Mel
Aprpecaition for this information is over 9000-thank you!
Comment by: Susie
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